


The Lad That Loved You.

by MollyMaryMarie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Sirius Black, Fake-Hate Kink, Fluff, Frank and Alice get a MOMENT AND THAT'S IT, Frottage, Idiots in Love, James Potter is an oblivious FUCK, James and Lily's relationship is background, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, Remus has the filthiest mouth in Britain, Rimming, Secret WolfStar, Shameless Smut, Sirius may be a masochist, Slight Dom/Sub, Smut, Top Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 20:13:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 81,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13888311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MollyMaryMarie/pseuds/MollyMaryMarie
Summary: James and Peter are out of sorts because Remus and Sirius are fighting. Except that they're not. They're REALLY not.





	1. Do you want me to hit you?

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on tumblr. for fun. [mollymarymarie](https://mollymarymarie.tumblr.com/)

**_ James  _ **

_Don’t go back. Leave them to work it out,_ he argued with himself. _But they’re your best friends, and they’re about to kill each other._ Truthfully, he wasn’t even sure what they were fighting over, but they hadn’t spoken directly to each other in weeks. Not to mention the strain that was present anytime they were in the same room. Peter had noticed it, too. He and James had discussed it at length, working out what it was that Remus and Sirius were so furious with each other over, but there was nothing. Well, nothing that they knew of.

But it had to be something. Peter and James had spent every moment that Remus and Sirius were off hating each other trying to think up new ways to get them on speaking terms again, but nothing was helping. They’d tried going to James’ Quidditch match – Remus and Sirius sat on opposite sides of Peter, and barely even chanced looking in one another’s direction. Then, they had tried doing a prank together. That had worked out well – Remus had actually smiled in Sirius’ direction once, but as soon as he realized he was doing it, he immediately wiped it from his face.

Now, it was the morning after the full moon, and they were at it again, despite how ferociously Padfoot had protected Moony from that feral wolf they had run into the night before. In the heat of the moment, James thought it was enough to prove to them how much they meant to each other. When morning came, and they were all back to themselves, Remus quickly pulled a blanket over his naked body and sulked off into the furthest corner of the room, as the rest of them got dressed. Granted, he was usually a little standoffish after a full moon, ashamed of what he’d become, ashamed of what he would have done without the Marauders to keep him occupied.

_I have to go back,_ James thought. As he and Peter had made their way back to the entrance at the Willow, there had been a loud thud from within the Shack. They’d shared a nervous glance. James made Peter go on ahead, with the promise that he’d catch up. Whatever that noise had been, it wasn’t good. It sounded like someone had been shoved against the wall. With the fatigue of the full moon, he doubted Moony would have the strength to push Sirius that hard, which meant that Sirius was antagonizing Remus when he was at his weakest. James couldn’t let him do it. His feet spun in the dirt, and he went racing back down the hidden pathway to the Shrieking Shack, afraid of what he was going to see.

When he walked back into the Shack, his steps creaking the whole way, he could hear their hushed voices – he wished he had Remus’ sense of hearing. Sure, he was trying to keep the group together, and he definitely didn’t want his best friends to hate each other, but he was dying to know what exactly had happened between them. As he peered around the corner, he was surprised to see that Remus was the one with Sirius pinned to the wall, his hand wrapped tightly around Sirius’ throat, cigarette still between Sirius’ teeth.

“Remus!” James shouted, rushing toward them. Remus uncurled his fingers from around Sirius’ neck, as he yanked at the blanket around his shoulders, pulling it up around his gaunt collarbones.

Sirius swallowed hard, his eyes absolutely fixed on Remus. Remus stepped slightly away from him, but just barely – not enough that James felt that the fight was over.

“What the hell happened?” James yelled, his voice cracking under the tension. He shoved Remus’ shoulder, but Remus stood firm, standing resolutely and returning Sirius’ icy gaze.

“Nothing,” Sirius said, through gritted teeth, his sharp, white canines glinting from underneath his snarled lips. James looked back to Remus to see what was almost a smile – it was nearly cruel.

“What is going on with you two?” James exhaled heavily, pushing his unruly hair from his face.

“I can’t be in the same room with him without wanting to tear him apart,” Sirius responded, his jaw tensing, cigarette ash burning with his breath, and a short huff from Remus indicated that he felt the same.

“Why?” James asked, exasperated, the stress of the last few weeks coming to a head. “Why are you both fighting in the first place?” What seemed like a smirk suddenly appeared on Sirius’ lips, but Remus was the one to respond.

“I hate you, Sirius,” he said, spite dripping from his words, as James’ head whipped around, in shock of what had just been said. “I hate you so fucking much,” Remus repeated, pulling his lip into his teeth as he narrowed his eyes in Sirius’ direction. James was immediately taken aback – he had never heard Remus swear in the _entire_ time he’d known him. Eyes wide, James turned back to Sirius, but his expression was no different.

James watched Sirius’s eyes travel across Remus’ face. Usually, the faded, pink scars that peppered Remus’ cheeks made Remus appear softer, for some reason. Not today. With the look he was giving Sirius, the scars only made him look dangerous. Sirius leaned forward, his forehead nearly pressed to Remus’, if not for James standing between them and the hot ash dangling from Sirius’ lips.

“I’d love to see just how much you hate me,” Sirius taunted, an arrogant grin on his lips.

“James, please leave,” Remus requested instantly, at James’ shock. Remus wasn’t the type for fights, he wasn’t the type to hold a grudge, he hated confrontation. What had Sirius done that had made him so outright furious? Enough to say that he hated him? Enough that he would fight him?

“No, I won’t!” James growled, squeezing his way in between the two of them, to which they both responded by widening the gap. “I don’t know what happened between you two, but you’re going to have to learn to forgive each other! I won’t lose you both over this.”

Remus sighed, wrapping the blanket further around his bare skin. “James, listen,” he began, the tone of his voice softening significantly.

“This doesn’t concern you, Prongs,” Sirius interrupted quickly. James turned to look at him, but Sirius held his shoulders, smoke curling around James’ throat. “This is between me and that … bastard there.”

“Sirius!” James balked at the way Sirius could talk about one of his best friends.  “Just … tell me what’s happened,” James pleaded, and for a moment, it seemed like Remus’ gaze toward Sirius softened, and James remembered what it was like before all of this happened. He remembered Remus helping Sirius with his stances for Defense Against the Dark Arts – their professor had been a real critic of Sirius’ ease in casting defensive spells. He remembered Sirius helping Remus with his prefect duties in the evenings – though James was sure Sirius couldn’t possibly have been much help. He remembered when they were _friends_.

“He’s ruined my life, James,” Remus said softly, looking just over his shoulder, where Sirius’ face was perched. James strained to see the expression on Sirius’ face in his peripherals but couldn’t.

“And him mine,” Sirius replied, in a near whisper.

“Then let’s fix it!” James offered, feeling very much on the verge of the end of their friendship and scrambling to save it. “We can get everything back to the way it was.”

“I don’t want it to go back to the way it was,” Remus replied immediately, his gaze still unbroken, fixated on where Sirius was standing, just behind James.

“Neither do I,” Sirius responded, his voice fading with each syllable.

“But I …” James started to argue again, and Sirius pushed him back toward the direction he came, back toward the tunnel that led him to the Weeping Willow.

“Go back to Hogwarts, Prongs,” Sirius said, and James finally got a look at his face – he had never seen Sirius’ expression look so solemn, he could swear there were tears in his grey eyes. “There’s nothing you can do.” His two friends stood, locked in an unending stare, waiting for the ceasefire to end.

“Just … promise me you’ll talk,” James begged.

“I’ll make him talk,” Remus promised, jaw clenched. Finally, James turned on his heels and headed back the way he came, praying to Merlin that this would all blow over.

  

**_ Peter  _ **

 

Peter stood at the entrance to the Willow, just outside the reach of its furious branches, thrashing at him needlessly, and he wondered if he should go back. James had passed him in the passageway, looking positively ashen, mumbling something about the end of an era. Remus and Sirius had before had tiffs, but never anything this serious. It had been weeks since they last spoke to each other – Peter had been counting on his calendar. He and James had spent many waking nights trying to figure out how to get the two of them to become friends again. Nothing worked – not Quidditch, not pranks, not food fights in the Great Hall. Peter began to wonder if they could ever be friends again.

With a deep breath, he changed back into Wormtail and pressed the secret knob at the base of the Willow, heading back into the secret passage that led to the Shrieking Shack. Even if he had to get in the middle of a fist fight, he’d make them talk to each other. They were going to solve this.

He remained Wormtail as he entered the Shack, creeping silently between the cracks in the walls, heading to the room they were all last in together. He heard a slightly raised voice, but only one, and he couldn’t make out what was being said.

As he changed back into himself, and entered the doorway, he saw Sirius – just Sirius, Remus was nowhere to be seen – Peter hadn’t passed Remus in the passageway back, so where had he gone? Sirius stood alone, wrapped in Remus’ blanket, leaning against the furthest wall of the Shack. His head was thrown back against the wall, his eyes closed, cigarette between his teeth.

He let out a heavy sigh, followed by the name of his former best friend. “Remus,” he said – his voice sounded strange, sort of choked and tense, smoke dribbled from his lips.

“Remus?” Peter repeated aloud, and Sirius startled, choking on smoke, with eyes wide as he looked toward the door where Peter stood. “Is Remus here?” Peter asked, looking around.

“No,” Sirius replied shortly, and Peter began to wonder if he had made the right decision in coming back. Obviously, Sirius was broken by his falling out with Remus – why else would he remain behind in the Shack after all his friends had gone? Why else would he be speaking Remus’ name aloud in the little sunlight trickling in through the grimy Shack windows? Peter knew he had to do something – he had to fix this. He didn’t know what the problem was, but he couldn’t stand seeing Sirius like this.

“I’m just …” Sirius began. “I was thinking of a fight we had earlier.” As he finished speaking, he contorted his mouth around his smoke, as if trying to keep himself from tearing up.

“A fight?” Peter clarified.

“A terrible fight, yes,” Sirius sighed, letting his head hang. “Oh, gods.” Peter had never seen Sirius in such a disheveled, fragmented state.

“That bad?” Peter said, gritting his teeth. He had never known Remus to show anger at this capacity, enough to put his best friend on the edge of tears.

“Yes.” Sirius paused, his head falling back against the wall, eyes closed. “Oh, yes.”

“What was the fight about?” Peter prodded. He and James had been trying to work out what had happened between the two of them for weeks, looking for clues in everything they said, tracing their memories back to when exactly it was that they stopped speaking.

“Remus!” Sirius shouted, taking Peter aback. He’d shouted so abruptly that the cigarette fell from his lips. “It’s Remus’ fault.” Sirius’ voice shook, his breath falling out in staggering steps. “Why don’t you ask him?”

“Where did he go?” Pete wondered, mostly to himself.

“He’s off su … sulking,” Sirius replied, his voice catching in his throat, as he spoke.

“Maybe I should go find him.” If Sirius was this wrecked over their argument, it had to be Remus who was still angry, Remus who was not willing to make up.

“Oh, yes,” Sirius whined, his face contorted in what appeared to be pain. “Yes, yes, go find Remus,” he begged Peter, as if suddenly aware that Peter could fix this. Peter looked at him with a pitiful expression – this was a side of Sirius he was not used to seeing.

“I’ll do that. Later, Padfoot,” he said, giving him a consoling look as he went back toward the tunnel, back toward Hogwarts. He had to find Remus. He had to set things right between two of his best friends. For Sirius. For James. For the Marauders.

  

**_ Lily  _ **

 

She couldn’t help but stare – and she wasn’t the only one. Every eye in the Great Hall was on him. Despite how she wasn’t surprised at this turn of events, she was surprised at the details. Sirius Black had the biggest shiner she’d ever seen – nearly the whole right side of his face was black and blue. That wasn’t even the surprising part. What surprised her was the rumor of who had put it there.

Sirius Black wasn’t exactly known for his subtleness, and it often got him into trouble. Usually a slap in the face from a girl he’d made a lewd comment about, but she hadn’t seen him with any girls lately to have warranted a wound like that. When she inquired about how he’d gotten such a nasty injury, she gasped out loud to find it was Remus Lupin who had given it to him. Weren’t they supposed to be best friends? Weren’t they half of the Marauders, the indivisible pranksters that nothing ever came between?

“Remus?” Lily wondered out loud, and Marlene nodded, responding despite her mouth full.

“That’s what I heard. Molly told me she heard from Alice who heard from Frank who heard from James that the two of them haven’t spoken in weeks.” Her head continued to bob, as Lily’s eyebrows furrowed. In _weeks?_ Marlene continued to talk, and to eat. “Frank said that James caught Remus with his hand around Sirius’ throat this morning.” Lily’s mouth dropped open.

“What?” she hissed. Remus was the only one of the Marauders that she would actually say was her friend, and she had never even heard him yell. Never even seen him angry. “Are you sure?”

“That’s what I heard,” Marlene shrugged, shoving a corner of toast into her mouth. Lily looked down the Gryffindor table, where Sirius had just begun to sit, next to James. Remus (and Peter) sat across from both of them and she watched carefully to see Remus’ reaction to Sirius.

At the sound of Sirius settling down across from him, Remus lifted his eyes – not even bothering to raise his head. As his gaze caught Sirius’, Remus’ eyes narrowed, his lips tightened into a thin line, and Sirius was immediately flustered. He went to put his hand on the edge of the table to lower himself down, but slipped, nearly crashing into the table with the bottom of his chin.

It seemed like the whole room gasped – Sirius Black was _not_ clumsy. He was the most frustratingly debonair person in the entire castle, and he was _flustered_? What exactly had Remus done to him to make him so nervous to be around him? Not to mention, comparatively speaking, Sirius had always been the better fighter, mostly in that Remus _never_ got into fights. How could Remus have landed such a perfectly placed punch without Sirius fighting back? What had Sirius done to deserve it?

 

Lily had never been more desperate to talk to James Potter.

 

Just as she was letting herself get lost in the planning, devising some excuse for her to talk to James without making it seem like she was fishing for information, Remus slammed both hands down hard onto the Gryffindor table. Even at the distance she and Marlene were sitting, her plate still rattled in its place. Her eyes widened, as did all eyes in the room. They all fell on Remus.

For what felt like days, he stared Sirius down, unwaveringly, and Sirius seemed to shrink into his skin. Finally, Remus shook his head, in what appeared to be disgust, and marched from the Great Hall. As soon as he disappeared around the corner, conversations exploded around the room.

 

“Was that Lupin??”

 

“Are you serious? _He_ gave Sirius the black eye?”

 

“I heard they were fighting over a girl!”

 

“I didn’t even know Remus could throw a punch that hard. I’m a bit impressed.”

 

“Is it just me, or did Remus look more … fetching than usual?”

 

Marlene’s was one of the more ridiculous questions. Lily rolled her eyes. Marlene was only giddy that Sirius got punched in the face after the rather unceremonious way he had ended (or rather, hadn’t even started) things with her the year before. But he hadn’t been with another girl since, and that wasn’t at all like Sirius Black – he usually went through them weekly. Was that what he and Remus were fighting over? A girl? 

“I’ll meet you in Charms,” she said, standing quickly, despite Marlene’s protests. James called after her as she raced past them on her way out of the Great Hall. Finally, she caught up to Remus, outside the entrance to Gryffindor tower, but he hadn’t given the password, yet. The Fat Lady was yelling at him, but he stood there, one hand raised to his face, pushing through the golden curls at his forehead.

Out of breath, she ducked behind a corner, waiting. For a long time, he stood silently, his shoulders rising and falling with forced deep, even breaths. Much to the Fat Lady’s annoyance, he steadied himself, pressing his palm flat against her portrait, his other hand sliding down his face.

“I ought to kill him.” Lily barely heard him mutter under his breath, and immediately, her jaw fell slack, the air escaped from her lungs. _Kill him?_ Had it really gotten that bad?

“Remus,” she said softly, stepping out from around the corner. In his surprise, he turned his head quickly, but kept his back to her, pushing his hand all the way back through his hair.

“Lily, what …” he cleared his throat. “Um, what are you doing here?”

“What the hell is going on with you and Sirius?” she asked straight away, and she watched Remus swallow hard, his jaw clenched tight.

“It’s really nobody else’s business,” he replied coldly. At first, Lily balked at his answer – she wasn’t sure she’d ever heard him speak this bluntly before. She wasn’t even sure she’d heard him say no to anything before – he was, by all rights, sort of a pushover. At least, until recently.

“Has he done something to upset you?” she asked, instinctively reaching out and placing her hand on his forearm. Immediately, he tensed, letting out terse laughter.

“Oh, it’s his favorite thing. To _upset_ me.” He let out a long, slow breath.

“What has he done?”

Remus let out a short huff. “What has he _not_ done?” he answered ambiguously.

“Remus,” Lily sighed, her hand still on his arm. “Let me help you fix this.”

 

This time, Remus’ laughter was spontaneous and genuine. Almost as if he were happy.

 

“Trust me, Lily. You _really_ can’t help me with this.” He whispered the password to the Fat Lady, the portrait opened, and Remus disappeared into the Gryffindor Common Room, leaving Lily to wonder just what was going on in the ranks of the Marauders these days.

  

**_ Sirius _ **

 

Once morning came, Remus threw the blanket over himself and went directly to the furthest corner of the room. Sirius tried not to let the expression show through on his face – he was going to get an earful after last night. He had stood in between a werewolf on a full moon and a feral wolf that was getting cheated out of a stag dinner. And the werewolf was certainly going to let him know what a blithering idiot he was for it. He threw cautious glances over to the decaying armchair that Remus had thrown himself into, but Remus had pulled the blanket over his face. With a deep breath, he lit a cigarette between his teeth.

Peter was the first to leave – he managed to convince James to go with him. The four boys usually all went back to the castle under James’ cloak – a safety precaution. This time, Sirius had convinced James and Peter to go on ahead without them, for the first time. They’d only obliged because they wanted to give Remus and Sirius time to work out whatever their problem was. 

Despite what Remus was surely thinking, Sirius _wasn’t_ actually a blithering idiot – he knew that James and Peter had been constructing situations to bring he and Remus back together and, truthfully, it was downright adorable. They hadn’t failed to notice Sirius and Remus constantly avoided each other and, knowing James, he was likely panicking internally about the sanctity of the Marauders, crumbling to pieces.

Once James and Peter had left, Sirius stood, walking cautiously over to where Remus sat sulking in his dusty armchair. Remus peered out from where his face was hidden by the folds of his blanket.

“Are you cross with me, Moony?” Sirius asked, sweetly. For a moment, Remus just stared, breathing in sharply through clenched teeth. He stood slowly, just before yanking the cigarette from Sirius’ lips, tossing it onto the windowsill next to him, and shoving Sirius hard against the wall behind him. Sirius let out a soft cry, as Remus’ lips crashed into his own, violently and desperately.

“You could have been killed,” Remus mumbled between kisses. “I would have had to watch you _die_ , Sirius.” Remus’ lips traveled down Sirius’ neck, his hands slipping down Sirius’ bare waist, tucking softly into the elastic of his boxers. Sirius hummed contentedly in response.

“I’m sorry, Moony,” he said, letting out a soft moan as Remus cupped his lips around Sirius’ Adam’s apple and his slender fingers slid between Sirius’s legs. “It was instinct, I just wanted to keep you safe.” Remus’ touch became heavier – Sirius’ breathing became heavier.

“He couldn’t have hurt me, you idiot,” Remus panted into Sirius’ ear, Sirius craned his neck toward him. “He could have hurt _you_.” Sirius pulled the edge of the blanket away from Remus’ throat, threading his fingers through Remus’ hair and pulling just hard enough to lean his head back.

“I won’t do it again,” Sirius promised, dragging his tongue up the length of Remus’ long neck, and dipping his hand into Remus’ blanket, curling his fingers around Remus’ naked, erect cock.

“ _Merlin,”_ Remus moaned softly, his head still leaned back as Sirius bit down softly onto his collarbone. One hand slid up the length of Sirius’ expansive waist and curled softly around his neck, as he started to push his hips against Sirius’. Suddenly, his head straightened, and his eyes got wide, his fingers just barely tightening at the skin on Sirius’ neck. “Someone’s coming.”

Sirius froze, listening to the creaking of the floorboards of the Shack. “It’s got to be James.” Remus started to move away, but Sirius’ grip on his cock tightened. Remus narrowed his eyes.

“You wouldn’t,” he swallowed hard. Sirius’ mischievous grin devoured his face, as he plucked his cigarette from the edge of the window and placed it back between his lips.

“Wouldn’t I?” he asked, and Remus blinked hard.

“Sirius. Do not do this to me in front of James,” he half-threatened, and half-begged, his fingers tightening further around Sirius’ throat as Sirius’ fingers slid up and down Remus’ length.

“Too late.” Sirius exhaled a breath of smoke just as James came racing over.

“Remus!” he shouted, evidently causing Remus to realize that he had his hand still wrapped around Sirius’ throat. Slowly, he uncurled his fingers, likely hoping Sirius would do the same. Sirius’ wrist moved just enough to unsettle Remus, but not ruffle any of the blankets between them. Remus yanked at the edges of the blankets, and shifted backward, trying to dislodge Sirius’ grip, but to no avail. Sirius continued to gaze lecherously at him, swallowing hard at the site of Remus in such a disheveled state.

“What the hell happened?” James yelled, and he gave Remus a shove in the shoulder, causing the grip that Sirius had on him to shift hard, and Sirius could tell be the expression on Remus’ face, it was all he could do to keep from breathing out, hot and heavy. 

“Nothing,” Sirius replied through clenched teeth, trying to keep his grin under control – Remus’ expression lay somewhere between near-orgasm and plotting Sirius’ violent end.

“What is going on with you two?” James asked, frustration in his voice as he tried to smooth his mussed hair. Sirius almost laughed out loud. He thought he would try being truthful about it.

“I can’t be in the same room with him without wanting to tear him apart,” he replied, quite honestly, his jaw tensing as he flicked his wrist, shifting Remus in his hand. Remus let out a sharp breath, leaving Sirius to wish he was underneath the blanket entirely. He sucked hard on the cigarette in his lips, cheeks caving deeply.

“Why?” James asked, his voice cracking. “Why are you both fighting in the first place?” Sirius couldn’t cover up the smirk on his face as he swirled his thumb over the head of Remus’ cock. Remus breathed out instinctively, trying to cover it up by speaking.

“I hate you, Sirius,” Remus said, his voice trembling a bit, and as James’ head turned toward Remus, in shock of what he had just said, Sirius lasciviously slid his tongue over his top lip. “I hate you so fucking much,” he repeated, pulling his lip into his teeth and leaning, just slightly, into Sirius’ touch.

When James’ turned his attention back to Sirius, Sirius turned his expression cold, but he couldn’t stop his eyes from wandering over Remus’ face, scattering over every scar and wishing he could put his lips on all of them. Especially the gruesomely long scar that stretch all the way across Remus’ waist, ending underneath his hip bone, at the crease of Remus’ leg. When Sirius sucked on the end of the scar, Remus became a throbbing, begging mess. Just thinking about it had Sirius painfully hard. Watching Remus writhe at his touch had him aching. He couldn’t help himself. Damn James for interrupting.

Sirius leaned forward, as much as possible with James between them, and stated in a ragged, breathless tone, “I’d love to see just how much you hate me.”

“James, please leave,” Remus begged, darting his tongue out to wet his lips.

“No, I won’t!” James growled, and he suddenly began squeezing his way in between them. Immediately, Sirius released Remus and they both took wide steps away from James, Remus awkwardly adjusting the blanket to conceal his erection. “I don’t know what happened between you two,” he started. _Sex,_ Sirius thought to himself, _A lot of sex happened between us_. James continued. “But you’re going to have to learn to forgive each other! I won’t lose you both over this.”

Remus sighed, and Sirius watched the wheels turning in his head. “James, listen,” he started to say, but Sirius saw this going in another direction, so he interrupted.

“This doesn’t concern you, Prongs,” Sirius spouted out, to stop Remus from telling him the truth. No, they could hide it for a while longer. They could have fun with it a little while longer. James turned to look back at him, but Sirius held him in place. “This is between me and that …” he mouthed the word ‘ _sexy_ ’ to Remus while James remained turned, smoke pouring from his lips. “… bastard there.” 

“Sirius!” James hissed, and Sirius could almost not contain his laughter at poor James thinking that he actually could stay mad at Remus. “Just … tell me what’s happened.” Remus finally gave in to Sirius’ plan, but couldn’t keep the affectionate way he looked at Sirius out of his gaze.

“He’s ruined my life, James,” Remus stated, in the softest voice Sirius had heard him use in a long time, and Sirius well understood. His cheeks flushed as he held Remus’ gaze.

“And him mine,” he replied in like tone, and in his mind, he repeated it over and over for what it really was. _I love you, Moony. I’m in love with you, Moony. I’m so in love with you, Moony._

“Then let’s fix it!” James’ voice went all squeaky, as if he were afraid this was the bloody, gruesome death of the Marauders. “We can get everything back to the way it was.” Remus spoke before he finished.

“I don’t want it to go back to the way it was,” he said, the breath falling from his chest. To Sirius, it was almost as if James weren’t there at all, he and Remus were standing alone in the Shack.

“Neither do I,” Sirius replied, the ends of his words falling off as he got lost in the color of Remus’ amber eyes, remembering what it was like without him, and never wanting to go back there.

The times Remus helped him in DADA – how Remus would softly put his hand at the small of Sirius’ back to straighten out his posture, the way Remus’ gaze would travel to his feet and back as he examined the way Sirius stood, and the blushing on his cheeks when he realized he was staring a little too long. The nights that Sirius helped him with his prefect duties – how they got stuck in a hidden passage while trying to hide Sirius from Filch and Sirius absolutely had to know how Remus tasted. And the way his heart stopped beating when he realized that Remus had kissed him first. How he tasted just the way Sirius imagined, only better – like warmth, and sweetness, and Christmas fucking morning.

“But I …” James said, pulling Sirius out of his memories and before he could say more, Sirius pushed him to the door. He had to be with Remus, he couldn’t wait any longer.

“Go back to Hogwarts, Prongs,” Sirius said, not able to tear his gaze away from Remus. “There’s nothing you can do.” Remus blinked slowly, keeping the smile from his face, but not from his eyes.

“Just … promise me you’ll talk.” James furrowed his brow, as he turned to go.

Remus replied right away, his voice a near growl. “I’ll make him talk.” Sirius raised a brow, as James’ creaking footsteps grew more and more faint.

“I thought we were having a nice moment there, but you had to make everything sexual, like you always do,” Sirius grinned, walking backward as Remus walked forward, toward him.

“I can’t help it,” Remus said, taking his comment in stride, opening the edges of his blanket and pulling Sirius inside. “You’ve made me a horrible person. You’ve ruined my life, remember?” Remus pinned Sirius to the wall, angling his bare hips against Sirius as he pressed his lips to Sirius’ jaw, biting softly and working his way down Sirius’ throat. Sirius maneuvered his cigarette to the other side of his mouth, to save Remus from the ash.

“ _Moony_ ,” Sirius breathed out, leaning his head back against the wall. “Maybe I should fondle you in public more often.” Remus rotated his hips, settling them between Sirius’ legs.

“I quite like this little charade we’ve got going,” Remus hummed, sucking at the base of Sirius’ neck, as Sirius ran his fingers through the back of Remus’ hair.

“You like pretending to hate me?” Sirius taunted, lifting one leg and wrapping it around Remus’ hip, to which Remus responded by pressing further into him. Sirius let out a soft, throaty moan.

“You’ve no idea how badly I wanted to blow you just now,” Remus growled, quickly dropping to his knees, pulling Sirius’ leg over his shoulder. He kissed down Sirius’ waist with an open mouth, tugging at the waist of his boxers, biting onto Sirius’ lean hipbone.

“Is this how you’re going to make me talk?” Sirius swallowed as he peered down into the blanket, where he could just barely see the amber glow of Remus’ eyes looking back at him.

“There’s really only one thing I want you to say,” Remus responded quietly, as his wet lips curled around the head of Sirius’ cock. Sirius exhaled hard, his fingers wound into Remus’ soft curls.

“Fuck.” It was barely a word, all full of breath and smoke, expanding through the emptiness of the Shack. Sirius’ knee jerked, his leg tightening from where it was thrown over Remus’ shoulder. In reply, Remus pushed further into the gap between Sirius’ legs, swallowing Sirius’ cock in full. His hold in Remus’ hair stiffened, and Remus gripped just as tightly onto the underside of Sirius’ thigh.

“I’m waiting for you to say it,” Remus whispered, leaving Sirius open and empty for just a moment, before taking him back into his throat. Another smoke-filled moan was ripped from Sirius’ lungs, his hips twitching to meet Remus’ lips more closely. Remus’ fingers slid up higher underneath Sirius’ thigh.

“Remus.” Sirius’ voice was urgent, his eyes fluttered closed as Remus’ hand slipped up the center of Sirius’ arse, his fingers teasing at the opening.

“ _Merlin_ , say it again,” Remus hummed in a deep growl, his words mumbled against the tip of Sirius’ cock, as he lapped his tongue at the slit.

“Remus,” Sirius repeated, a bit louder, a lot breathier, feeling like he would inevitably come apart.

“Remus?” Sirius heard, and his eyes flew open to see Peter standing where James had just been standing only moments prior. Sirius choked on smoke. “Is Remus still here?” Peter asked.

“No,” Sirius replied quickly, as Remus was deathly still beneath the blanket, Sirius’ cock still buried deep in his throat. “I’m just … I was … thinking of a fight we had earlier.” Remus took this opportunity to bite down, ever so softly, onto the base of Sirius’ cock – just enough to apply pressure. It was all Sirius could do not to yell out – he held his breath, pursed his lips around his cigarette, and clenched his fingers in Remus’ hair.

“A fight?” Peter asked, worry in his expression.

“A terrible fight, yes,” Sirius explained breathlessly, as Remus pushed a finger into his mouth, alongside Sirius’ cock. “Oh, gods,” Sirius breathed out quietly, ash falling onto the blanket Remus was hidden in.

“That bad?” Peter winced. Sirius nodded vigorously, wondering how in Merlin’s name he was going to get this conversation to end, or whether he was going to come right there in front of Peter.

“Yes,” Sirius responded, just as Remus slid his slick finger around the edge of the tight ring of muscle at Sirius’ arse. “Oh, _yes_ ,” he muttered, feeling his eyes roll back into his head.

“What was the fight about?” Peter asked, leaning against the wall next to him. Sirius grimaced, wracking his brain to think of ways to get rid of him, but his brain was solely focused on Remus – his gloriously wet mouth and his inexorably hot finger, which he began to push slowly in.

“Remus!” Sirius called out suddenly and Remus went still. The cigarette fell from his lips, nearly lighting the blanket on fire. “It’s Remus’ fault,” Sirius recovered, with shaking breath, “Why don’t you ask him?”

“Where did he go?” Peter asked, and Sirius felt very much that he would strangle Peter the next time he saw him – when Remus wasn’t paying him back with interest for fondling him in front of James.

“He’s off suck … sulking,” Sirius stammered, pulling less than gently at Remus’ hair.

“Maybe I should go find him.” Remus was inside him, up to the knuckle, when he started to pump slowly into Sirius, pushing in and pulling out, his mouth still wrapped around Sirius’ cock, unmoving.

“ _Oh, yes_ ,” Sirius moaned. “Yes!” he corrected with a shout. “Yes, go find Remus.”  Peter stood there, looking curiously at him, and Sirius could feel himself coming out of his skin.

“I’ll do that. Later, Padfoot,” Peter said, with furrowed brows as he walked back the way he’d come, as silently as the way he’d entered. Sirius tried to keep it together, despite how Remus never once stopped moving inside him. Once Peter left, Remus went back to sucking, devouring Sirius’ cock.

“Fuck, Moony,” Sirius moaned, throwing the blanket off to the side and watching Remus move his mouth and his fingers in time. “I hate you, Remus Lupin,” he growled, putting his hands over Remus’ ears and pushing his cock a bit deeper into Remus’ throat. Remus responded by humming, vibrating his lips along Sirius’ length with every push. And Sirius broke – coming in a shaking, throbbing, cursing heap.

“I hate you, too, Sirius Black,” Remus replied, as Sirius slid along the wall, boneless, right into Remus’ lap. Remus kissed him lightly on the tip of his nose.

“I hope you know this means war,” Sirius threatened, as Remus wiped the cold sweat from Sirius’ forehead. “I’ll suck you off right in the Gryffindor Common Room, I swear to Godric.”

“I doubt that very much,” Remus scoffed, reclining back onto the blanket that Sirius had strewn across the floor, knowing full well that Sirius’ eyes were on every inch of his bare skin.

“I could pay you back right here. I know you need it,” Sirius breathed out, kneeling over Remus and drinking in the site of his best friend – pink and aroused and breathless. They had discovered very quickly that getting Remus off right after a full moon was almost better than taking him to Madam Pomfrey.

Not long after they’d found out about Remus’ condition – but before they had succeeded in becoming animagi – the boys had worked hard on mastering a few of the more basic healing spells. Poppy had gladly helped them with it. When the moons weren’t so bad, they could take care of Remus on their own.

The last night’s transformation had been unusually calm, compared to other, more violent moons. The only real incident was between Sirius and the feral wolf – Remus’ Wolf hadn’t even made contact with the wild animal. Scars on Remus’ skin were few and far between that morning – the boys had easily healed them before James and Peter headed back to the castle. The rest of the healing Sirius could do with his mouth.

 “I am … _aching_. In more ways than one,” Remus implied with a grin, resting his hands behind his head as Sirius laid over him, placing delicate kisses across all of his scars – old and new.

“Let me take care of you, Moony,” Sirius hummed against Remus’ skin, working his way toward his favorite of Remus’ scars. “But don’t think this means I forgive you for what you just did to me in front of Pete.”

“Oh,” Remus let out a long sigh as Sirius ran his tongue along the long, craggy scar at his hip, arching his back into Sirius’ mouth, just a bit. “You enjoyed it, Pads. You always enjoy it.”

“I won’t say I didn’t,” Sirius agreed, as he nibbled at the bottom edge of the faded scar, putting his mouth very near the proximity of Remus’ cock. Remus keened, breathing heavy and squirming under Sirius’ lips. “But in front of Peter? He would have seen me _orgasm_ , Moony, is that what you wanted?”

“No,” Remus breathed out hard. “I want to be the only one who gets to see that.” Sirius looked up at him, taking Remus’ cock into his hand and pumping it softly.

“That’s my Moony,” he hummed, running his tongue along the vein at the underside of Remus’ cock. Remus let out a growling moan, his head falling softly back onto the blanket.

“ _Pads._ ” He balled up the blanket in one fist, the other fist brought to his lips, as he bit down onto his knuckle, while Sirius plunged him into the back of his throat. Remus let out a short yell, the fist that had been buried in the blankets went flying in the direction of Sirius’ hair just as Sirius head happened to bob up. Remus’ fist collided into Sirius’ eye with a dull crack.

“Shit ... fuck,” Sirius mumbled, sitting back on his heels, still straddled over Remus’ knees. Immediately, Remus sat up, taking Sirius’ face into his hands.

“Oh, shit, _shit_. Padfoot, I’m … I’m so sorry,” he grimaced, kissing softly onto the forming bruise around Sirius’ eye. “Sirius, Jesus, I’m so, so sorry.” Sirius looked at him, with one eye open.

“Are you kidding? This is perfect. People will really think we hate each other now,” he grinned, connivingly, pushing Remus back down onto the floor. “In fact, I’m really kind of digging this hate kink we have going on. I think I might be a masochist.” Remus let out a bubbling laugh that Sirius wanted to swallow and keep forever – the kind of laugh that put wrinkles into the corners of Remus’ eyes.

“Do you want me to pull your hair, too?” Remus teased, as Sirius leaned over him.

“Don’t ask me questions you already know the answer to, Moony,” Sirius grinned, biting softly at Remus’ bottom lip before peppering his chest with kisses.

“I can’t believe you’re still going to suck me off after I punched you in the face.” Remus carefully eased his fingers through Sirius’ hair, lightly tucking his long hair behind his ear.

“I might want to blow you _more_ now, actually,” Sirius laughed softly, taking the length of Remus into his hand and kissing from base to end, circling the tip with his tongue, as Remus’ breathing got louder, heavier, scattered. Sirius quickly took the whole of him in his mouth, pressing Remus’ legs wider apart so that he could settle in between them.

“Sirius,” he exhaled, gripping hard onto his shoulder.

“I’m waiting for you to say it,” Sirius teased, sliding a single finger along Remus’ scar, starting from the top of the scar, at the curve of his waist and past the end of the scar. Beyond his hip bone, down the inside of his thigh, letting his mouth take over, until he plunged Remus back into his throat.

“Oh, fuck me, Sirius,” Remus moaned, and Sirius pulled him from his mouth.

“My fucking pleasure,” he growled, swallowing Remus again and pressing his thumbs deep into the indentations at Remus’ hips. The sounds coming from Remus’ lips alone would be enough to get Sirius off a second time – Sirius moaned, and it reverberated into Remus’ skin.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Remus muttered, holding one hand over his eyes and yanking hard at Sirius’ hair with the other. The pressure of his mouth on Remus’s cock doubled. Remus only, _ever_ swore in this very context, and Sirius was the only one who ever got to hear it said this way. Which meant that every time he heard Remus curse, Sirius was nearly _immediately_ erect.

“Ah, fuck,” Sirius mumbled, Remus’ cock still between his teeth, as he let his hand reach down and slip into his boxers, pumping himself in rhythm with what his mouth did to Remus. Remus continued to let slip a string of curse words, only working to spur Sirius to pump him harder, and faster.

“Pads, I’m … oh, _fuck,_ ” Remus said, drawing out the word, his breath shuddering as he came in Sirius’ mouth, and Sirius swallowed it down. Just as Sirius had started to think he was going to come again, just after Remus had, Remus reached out and slowed his hand.

“Wait,” he said, with a dangerous grin on his lips. “I want you hard. All day.”

Sirius rose his eyebrows. “Well, _Moony_.”

 

**_ Remus _ **

 

Ever the drama queen, Sirius made Remus go back to Hogwarts first – he wanted to make a grand appearance in the Great Hall with his brand new, swollen black eye. Sirius was practically giddy over seeing James’ reaction to his battle wound. While Remus couldn’t understand why Sirius loved to see James in such a fractured state over his friends falling apart, Remus certainly understood his excitement in seeing the responses of everyone in the Great Hall to his face. Remus made a point of going straight there from the Shack, instead of going back to the dorm first, so he could be there when Sirius made his entrance.

James and Peter were already tense when Remus sat at the Gryffindor table – they had already told each other their stories of going back to the Shack, and the situations they thought they had walked in on. Remus struggled to appear miserable, when, in fact, he’d never been happier in all his life.

“Are you … alright?” Peter asked timidly, as Remus shoveled food down his throat. Before everything changed, Remus never had an appetite the day after a full moon. Ever since Sirius had discovered how to ‘ _take care’_ of him afterward, it was like he couldn’t eat enough in the day. And it wasn’t even just that – it was Sirius, in general. Being with Sirius made every other aspect of his life seem so much easier – full moons included.

“Peachy,” Remus replied in a mumble, through a mouthful of food. The irony was that, despite the irritated tone he used to say it, it was actually the truth. Everything was exceptionally rosy.

“Remus, listen …” James began to say, just as a stifling hush fell over the Great Hall. Remus could feel the smile creep onto his face, despite how hard he tried to suppress it. Without looking up, his eyes found Sirius, looking absolutely devastated, his hair tied back with his wand (which he _knew_ drove Remus wild), to be certain that everyone in the room could see the swollen side of his face.

Gasps erupted from everywhere, including from James and Peter. It was getting harder not to let out a laugh – if only they knew the real context of how Sirius had gotten that injury.

Sirius walked slowly over to the Gryffindor table, going so far as to nervously glance around, and pretend to scratch his forehead to cover his conspicuous injury. At that, Remus couldn’t help but let out a small snort – Sirius, the king of needing attention, wanting people to stop staring? James glanced over at him in response, and Remus over-dramatically rolled his eyes and grumbled nonsense into his breakfast.

When Sirius neared their table, all eyes were on them. The word was spreading like a virus that Remus was the one who had given Sirius his vicious wound, and everyone was waiting to see what Remus would do to him next. Even James and Peter were eyeing him warily. Sirius’ eyes fell on him for a moment, and Remus, looking up at him through his eyelashes, let his eyes drift lazily down Sirius’ torso, a single eyebrow rising slowly. And Sirius, getting entirely lost in watching Remus, went to place his hand on the table to sit, and missed it completely, nearly slamming into the edge of the table underneath him.

Again, gasping bloomed all over the hall. Remus stifled a grin and he could hear the tiny sigh that escaped Sirius’ lips in response. Their eyes met for the briefest moment, and Remus could see the glow in the silver of Sirius’ gaze. James was speaking in a hushed tone, but for Remus, everything was dulled – Sirius Black may as well have been the only person in the entirety of the Great Hall.

As Sirius sat, Remus extended his leg underneath the table, as Sirius did the same, and the two locked their feet together at the ankle for just a moment. It had become somewhat of a ritual for them, their way to say _‘good morning’_ without letting James and Peter in on their secret.

“Sirius?” James snapped, tearing the two of them from their moment of solitude. “What the hell happened?” Instinctively, Sirius glanced over toward Remus, who was specifically not looking directly back.

Sirius swallowed hard, pretending to get emotional, but his eyes fell on Remus and they suddenly went dark, feral. “Remus is an animal.”

 

Remus choked on his pumpkin juice. Sirius never broke his gaze.

 

“I’ve never seen him this way, James. He’s absolutely out of control.” Sirius ran his foot, suddenly shoeless, up the inside of Remus’ leg, underneath the table. Letting out a short huff of air, Remus rolled his head back – he knew where this was going. Sirius wasn’t going to let their game of payback come to an end.

 “Don’t let him fool you, James,” Remus retorted, shifting down into his seat as Sirius’ foot slid up along Remus’ thigh. He was going to call this bluff. Sirius wouldn’t dare get him worked up in the Great Hall. Would he? He glanced over at Sirius, and the answer was all over his face. _‘Wouldn’t I?’_

“Have I done something to upset you, Moony?” Sirius asked innocently, pressing the ball of his foot against Remus’ crotch, and Remus laughed in response.

“James, this is all an act – he’s not as sweet and boyish as you think. He’s done some terrible, cruel things to me. Things you would be aghast to know. In fact, why don’t I tell you all about it?” Remus threatened, and Sirius’ foot was still for a moment, as his eyes narrowed in Remus’ direction.

“Go ahead, Remus,” Sirius fired back, his voice silken, his smile wicked, his foot sliding back and forth along Remus under the table. “I’d love for them to find out what I’ve done to you. What I’m still doing. What I’ll do to you every day for the rest of your life.” Remus hung his head to conceal his smile.

 

Dammit. Why did Sirius always win at these torture games?

 

Instantly, Remus stood and slammed both hands down onto the table, ensuring that all eyes in the Great Hall were on him. He purposefully leaned forward, to appear like he was trying to intimidate Sirius, when actually, he was using the hanging hem of his sweater to cover the _swelling_ that Sirius had caused. For added effect, he stared Sirius down for a long time, and Sirius pretended to look shaken. The look in both of their eyes was the same – _‘Wait until I get you alone.’_

With an over-dramatic shake of his head, Remus stomped from the Great Hall, off toward the Gryffindor Common Room. Once he reached the Fat Lady portrait, Remus stood silently, taking in a deep breath and pushing his hand up over his face, through his hair. Sure, the charade was fun, but he’d rather just grab Sirius by the collar and snog him right there in front of all four houses and Dumbledore and McGonagall and everyone. He’d rather be able to rest his head on Sirius’ shoulder at the Gryffindor table, or lie in Sirius’ lap in the Common Room, or let his fingers find Sirius’ on the way to Potions.

 

Merlin, did he have it bad.

 

Not to mention, the not-so-little problem that Sirius had just caused under the Gryffindor table wasn’t getting any littler, not when he was thinking about all the things he’d like to do to Sirius Black. With an unsteady breath, Remus steadied himself against the wall, or rather, against the Fat Lady’s portrait with his free hand, the other still covering the flushing of his face. He didn’t even hear the shrill way the Fat Lady fussed over the fingerprints he was leaving all over her frame.

He laughed softly to himself, trying to ease the heat in his veins. “I ought to kill him.”

“Remus,” he heard from behind him, and he had just enough sense left not to turn around, as the swell beneath his zipper wasn’t exactly diminished.

“Lily,” he said, gritting his teeth. Her timing, as always, was perfectly abysmal – she had nearly caught he and Sirius on numerous occasions the last couple months. “What … what are you doing here?”

She didn’t skip a beat. “What the hell is going on with you and Sirius?”  Even just his name, on someone else’s lips, was enough to send a jolt down Remus’ spine.

“It’s really nobody else’s business,” he replied, more bluntly than he’d ever spoken to Lily. She was one of the few people, outside of the Marauders, who even cared enough to speak to him – he usually had much more patience than this, especially with her. But all he wanted to do was take a cold shower and plot the ways he was going to pay Sirius back for this. Though, he should probably do that in reverse order.

Lily was quiet at first – she was likely as surprised at Remus’ answer as he’d been. “Has he done something to upset you?” she finally asked, and he felt her fingers fall softly on his forearm. Her touch was like fire, and he could only wish it were Sirius.

“Oh, it’s his favorite thing. To _upset_ me.” He had to stop thinking about Sirius, he had to get on with his day – lately, that was becoming more and more difficult.

“What has he done?” she asked in a near-whisper.

Remus laughed – it sounded short. “What has he _not_ done?”

“Remus, let me help you fix this.” Just like Lily. Just like James. To want to fix everything. It was ridiculous how perfect they were for each other. Eventually, she would come to see it. But this was one thing that nobody – nobody but Sirius – could help him get out of. And he never wanted out of it.

 

Remus laughed loudly, realizing Lily had no idea what she was getting herself into.

 

“Trust me, Lily. You _really_ can’t help me with this,” he groaned softly, trying to adjust himself to a more comfortable position without actually adjusting. Quickly, he uttered the password to the Lady and raced into the Common Room, making a break toward their dorm room, where he could get some relief.

There was barely enough time for Remus to suffer through an icy shower and get half-dressed before Sirius was bounding through the dorm room door. As he entered, he gave Remus a stimulated glance, as Remus had just begun to pull a jumper on over his bare skin.

“Did I miss anything fun?” Sirius smirked, sliding his hands around Remus’ waist before the sweater had time to cover it. Remus grinned, kissing him softly.

“I needed a cold shower.” Remus pretended to frown but couldn’t keep his smile stifled.

“Oh, I thought you’d come up for a wank. I wanted to help.” Sirius waggled his eyebrows, his fingers still tucked underneath Remus’ jumper. As Remus rolled his eyes wide, Sirius pulled him in close. 

“Saving that part for later,” Remus replied, wrapping his arms tightly around Sirius’ neck, pressing his lips to the swollen skin underneath Sirius’ eye. “How’s the black eye?”

“It’s brilliant, I’ve never had so many people stare at me at once.”

Remus laughed softly. “That’s not what I meant.” Sirius continued, unfazed.

“You’re being pegged as quite the badass, you know. They’re all so shocked, Moony. Quiet, little Remus Lupin – who knew?” The mischievous smirk on Sirius’ face only grew with each word.

“They’d be even more shocked if they knew what you were doing to me at the time.”

“I almost want to out us, just to see the reaction,” Sirius howled with laughter. In response, Remus leapt forward and covered his laughter with his lips.

“Does it hurt, Pads?” he asked about his eye, peppering feathered kisses across Sirius’ face.

Sirius’ smile was like sunlight. “What hurts is not being able to kiss you at the Gryffindor table, or in the Common Room, or whenever the hell I want. Having to tell you good morning with my feet.”

“We could just stop keeping it a secret,” Remus offered, half-hopefully, but knowing what could be the consequences of that decision. How would James and Peter react? How would their House react? Would they be separated – would one of them have to be reassigned to another dorm? There was too much that _could_ change – and neither of them were sure of what _would_. Remus knew what Sirius’ response would be – he was having far too much fun with their act to give up now.

“We could risk it.” Remus’ eyes widened, as Sirius pressed his forehead against Remus’, his fingers tracing through the slight stubble at Remus’ sunken cheeks. “I’d do it, Moony. If it meant I could have you whenever I wanted, kiss you whenever I wanted, take your hand whenever I wanted.”

Remus cheeks flushed slightly. “I had no idea you were such a romantic, Padfoot.”

“What can I say? You’ve ruined me, Moony.” The silver of Sirius’ eyes was as white as Lumos, and he softly pushed his lips to Remus’ for a moment, before pulling him toward the door.

“Does that mean our game is over?” Remus asked, warily. Sirius looked back, with a raised brow.

“Not on your life, Lupin.”

 

It was Friday night, there was a secret party with some of the other Houses, taking place somewhere outside of any of their Common Rooms. That was part of the fun, James said – the risk of being caught by Filch, with a bottle of firewhisky, no less. James had somehow convinced Remus and Sirius to tag along, in some attempt at getting them both properly pissed enough into either resolving their fight, or at least finding out what it was about. Even Lily had come along, likely for the same reason.

Sirius and Remus played their roles throughout the night, while casting each other subtly suggestive glances, each of them wishing they hadn’t come along, that they were back in their dorm. That day had gone on much like the morning, each of them insufferably teasing the other to their breaking point. James had cornered them so quickly after class that neither of them had gotten any relief.

Yet, neither were they letting up – the game was only getting more intense. In the halls on the way to Potions that afternoon, Remus had grabbed Sirius by the shirt collar, in a rather large crowd of people, and whispered quite breathily into his ear, ‘ _Fuck me right here, Sirius,_ ’ followed by sucking on his earlobe. To anyone else, it must have looked like rage – the intense clenching of Sirius’ jaw.

So, they were stuck at James’ party – both of them desperate to sneak away and solve each other’s problems in private. Unfortunately for Remus, Marlene McKinnon was at this party, and was tipsy enough to be hitting on Sirius the entire night. It only made Remus’ problem worse – he wanted to take Sirius by the throat and mark him as his own. The firewhisky in his gut wasn’t helping.

At some point, someone suggested a game of spin the bottle – someone else upped the tension and suggested seven minutes in heaven. They compromised on a combination of the two. Much to James’ disappointment, Lily remarked that she wouldn’t dare be involved in their ridiculous game, but Remus could swear she was blushing violently as she planted herself in the corner. Irritated with the way Marlene was shamelessly throwing herself at his boyfriend, Remus also sulked away from the game, knowing the only person in that circle that he wanted to kiss was also the person he was pretending to hate.

Sirius sat in, but Remus saw the gears turning in his head – he was plotting something. It was evident in the lascivious glances he kept casting in Remus’ direction. The game started, a few of them went off into an adjacent classroom together, coming back breathless and flushed, James and Peter included. Remus was surprised that James had gone in with someone who wasn’t Lily, who had mysteriously vanished.

When it came to Sirius’ turn, Remus saw his fingers clutched onto his wand, hiding underneath his crossed legs. Of course, when the bottle stopped, it landed just in the center of two people – pointing from Sirius right toward the direction where Remus was brooding in the corner. Sirius put on a false look of surprise and, honestly, near-horror. Remus almost laughed.

“L-Let me spin again,” Sirius stammered, glancing at Remus to make sure he was getting the message. Gladly, Remus sauntered over to their circle.

“Wait just a minute, _Sirius_ ,” Remus said, injecting extra spite into his voice when he spoke Sirius’ name. “Can we do anything we want in there? Can I do anything I want to you?” No longer acting, Sirius swallowed hard, watching Remus carefully, and the circle got a little quiet.

“You want to fight him?” Peter asked, concern in his voice. _Bless Peter for being oblivious._

“Why not?” Remus answered vaguely, not removing his eyes from Sirius.

“No, you can’t!” Marlene cried, and Remus couldn’t stop his eyes from rolling in his head.

“Maybe they should,” James replied under his breath. All eyes darted over to him. “They need to get this out, whatever it is. Maybe they should just let it come to blows one more time and it’ll be over.”

“Glad you’re seeing it rationally, Prongs.” Remus’ low voice rumbled in his chest as he grabbed Sirius by the shoulder of his collared shirt and threw him in the direction of the empty classroom. Everyone seemed to be holding their breath as Remus slammed the door behind him.

Behind the closed door, Sirius finally let the rehearsed fear in his voice melt away, giving rise to a deep hunger in his tone. “Make it rough, Moony. They’ve got to believe it.” Remus paused, closing the gap between them, and wrapping his fingers around Sirius’ throat.

“Do you want me to hurt you, Sirius?” he asked, his voice lower, darker, more desperate. Sirius lifted his chin, as Remus pressed his thumb under the curve at his jaw.

“ _Yes_ ,” he breathed out, his voice trembling. With only a moment’s hesitation, Remus threw Sirius against the wall, slamming the palm of his free hand against it, to increase the force of the blow. Sirius let out a loud grunt, which Remus quickly muffled with his lips, sliding his tongue deep into Sirius’ mouth. The hand on Sirius’ throat spread down, covering every expansive inch of Sirius’ waist, dipping hard between Sirius’ legs for a moment before gripping his hips and bringing them to his own. Remus curled a fist with his free hand, punching hard into the wall behind Sirius, shifting his hips into Sirius each time. Remus only allowed their lips apart so that his mouth could travel down Sirius’ neck, biting hard onto the skin, but not sucking.

“I need you to yell for me, love,” Remus demanded softly, and Sirius obliged, though the sound came out more pleasured than pained. Sirius buried his fingers into Remus’ hair.

“Is this what you’re like when you’re drunk? _God_ , I should get you drunk more often,” Sirius panted into Remus’ ear, as Remus loosened the tie at Sirius’ neck.

“Drunk, and frustrated as _fuck_ because of you,” Remus growled, tearing buttons from Sirius’ white shirt, ripping some threads from the stitching. “And fucking Marlene McKinnon thinks she can have you.”

“You’re the only one who can have me, Moony,” Sirius hummed. “But I’m not going to pretend that I don’t absolutely love this. Does jealousy always make you this rough?”

“I’d rather not test it,” Remus replied, clenching his teeth around the collar of Sirius’ shirt and pulling until the seams popped. “Because I feel like I could rip you apart right now.”

“Fucking _hell_ , I’d let you, Moony.” With one last, impatient kiss, Remus stepped back, holding Sirius’ chin between his thumb and forefinger.

“Ready?” he asked. Sirius braced, nodding. Remus reared back and slapped Sirius hard across the cheek, opposite to his black eye, just in case. Sirius winced, breathing in through his teeth.

“God, I really am a masochist. I’ve never been more attracted to you,” Sirius laughed, closing one eye and holding his reddened cheek. Remus moved Sirius’ hand and kissed his warming skin.

“Please don’t make me do this all the time,” he whined.

“No promises,” Sirius grinned, kissing Remus softly. “Can I at least rough you up a bit?” 

“Please do,” Remus smiled, spreading his arms out to his sides. Sirius reached up and mussed Remus’ hair a little more, stretched the neck of his sweater a little more. “Careful, I like this jumper.” With the collar stretched out just a bit, Sirius planted his lips against Remus’ neck, for just a moment. Remus’ eyes fluttered closed, and he let slip a satisfied sigh, before Sirius took a step back.

“Do you want me to hit you?” Sirius asked, tilting his head, as if deciding where it was he was going to plant his fist. For a moment, Remus was silent – mulling it over, pressing his lips to one side.

“Can we fake it? I’m still sore from last night.”

“Come here, then,” Sirius smirked, taking Remus’ face into his hands, pinching hard onto one of Remus’ cheekbones a few times, turning it red and slightly swollen.

“Does I look as beat up as you do?” Remus laughed, and Sirius’ eyes traveled down to his feet and back, his already flushed cheeks brightening for a moment.

“Well, yeah, but it looks like you _really_ enjoyed it.” Sirius rose an eyebrow, his gaze falling on Remus’ crotch, and Remus let him look for a while.

“Can’t pretend that I didn’t,” he grinned, putting his hand between his legs, trying to adjust.

“Jesus, Remus,” Sirius groaned, lunging at him and gliding his tongue into Remus’ mouth. “You can’t just touch yourself like that and not expect me to want to bury my face in it.” Remus laughed, pushing Sirius away, to which Sirius responded by throwing his fist against the wall.

“Ready?” Remus asked, again. Sirius wriggled his hips, scrunching his nose.

“Not really, but if I don’t get out of this room, everyone outside is going to get an earful of me fucking you into the wall.” Remus swallowed, trying not to focus on that thought as he opened the door, and threw Sirius out by the back of the neck. A few gasps told Remus that their ruse was successful, and as he walked from the room, all eyes were on him.

“Well?” James asked, as if one fight would solve everything. Remus glanced up at Sirius once, letting his gaze linger, but trying hard not to look at him with anything but contempt. It was impossible.

“I’m going back to the dorm,” Remus muttered, rubbing his pinched cheek.

“Remus,” Sirius said, in a loud voice. Remus turned back to look at him, as did everyone else in the room. He stood stone-still for a moment, before saying. “We didn’t finish.” Remus nearly smiled.

“I beat you, Black. You’re a mess.” When all eyes turned back to Sirius for his reply, Remus let himself bite down onto his bottom lip, and Sirius clenched his jaw.

“So are you.”

“Alright, fine. You want to finish this? Let’s go.” And Remus walked out of the door, with Sirius close behind, telling everyone it was fine and to stay there and to definitely not come with them.

 

**_ Lily _ **

 

That evening, Lily begrudgingly accepted an invitation to a secret all-House party, in a relatively abandoned part of Hogwarts, with a lot of interlocking, empty classrooms. James Potter had been the one who asked her to go, and she asked if Remus and Sirius would be there – her curiosity was getting the better of her, but she wasn’t the only one. In passing, James mentioned quietly that it was sort of a ploy into getting them to spend time together, and maybe trick them into being friends again. Lily knew there would be firewhisky involved, and honestly, it wasn’t a bad plan.

As soon as Marlene heard that Sirius would be there, she jumped at the chance. Like many girls at Hogwarts, she never truly got over him, even though the most they had ever done was snog in the Common Room, and that was really only the one time. But that was his signature – love ‘em and leave ‘em.

The party went well enough, there was drinking and laughing, and James was actually not the worthless git he usually was, but maybe that was the firewhisky talking. Lily had been keeping a watchful eye on Sirius and Remus throughout the night. There were certainly a lot of shared glances between the two of them, but the strangest part was when one of them was caught looking by the other, neither of them looked away. In fact, she paid extra attention to Remus, and it almost seemed like his whole face softened every time Sirius looked in his direction. Definitely not a trait of someone supposed to be angry with him.

There was something going on. Was this all an elaborate prank? What was the point of it all? Had Remus even been the one to give Sirius the black eye? Rolling her eyes, she began to wonder if she would ever understand James Potter or his mental group of friends.

Once everyone was good and drunk, someone got the brilliant idea to play a mix of spin the bottle and seven minutes in heaven, and Lily found herself immediately looking to James. With a huff, she announced that she wouldn’t dare be involved in anything so degrading, and she wondered if she imagined seeing the glimmer die in James’ eyes. She may have considered rushing from the room to hide her flushed cheeks.

But her mission wasn’t over – she was going to get to the bottom of whatever was going on, which meant that she couldn’t leave. When Remus decided to sit the game out, she knew her chance had come, but she decided to give it time. At the moment, he was staring daggers into Marlene, for reasons that were entirely unclear to Lily. A few couples took their turn, coming out of the room mussed and panting. Just as Lily decided she had seen enough, and started to head toward Remus, James Potter spun the bottle.

She froze, watching the neck of the bottle make circles. Her heart was in her throat, and she didn’t want to admit that she knew the reason why. The empty bottle slowed, slowed, slowed, landing on Mary MacDonald. Lily’s eyes widened, and she immediately slipped from the room.

Without thinking, she found herself at the door of the furthest end of the classroom, the same classroom that James Potter was about to step into, in order to snog Mary. Why was she doing this? James could kiss whomever he wanted. She certainly didn’t want it to have been her. _Did she?_

Just before they entered at the back of the room, Lily crouched behind a large desk at the front, kicking herself for what she was doing. What did she expect to happen? James was going to kiss Mary – likely more than that – and she’d have to sit there and watch, and _listen_ , to the whole thing. Yet, she stayed.

From where she sat, she could see everything through the legs of the desks in front of her. James walked into the room, pulling Mary by the hand, who was extremely red in the cheeks. Lily felt her cheeks go red, too. And then, nothing happened. James let his head fall forward, pulling his glasses off.

“Listen, Mary,” he said with a sigh. “Tell them whatever you want when we get out of here, but I can’t … do this. Not with you. I’m sorry.” Lily’s breath caught in her throat. He wasn’t going to kiss her?

“It’s okay, James. I think I understand,” Mary nodded, with a smile.

“Is it that obvious?” he winced, pinching the bridge of his nose, settling onto the top of a desk.

“Well, to everyone but her.” James let out a short laugh.

“Maybe it’s better she doesn’t know,” he sighed again, placing his glasses back onto his nose and running his fingers through his dark, messy hair. Her eyes may have caught the way his arm pressed against the seams of his shirt as he lifted it, and the tiny sliver of bare waist she saw as the hem raised.

“I think you should tell her,” Mary said, settling down onto the next desk.

“I don’t even know what I would say.” His breath fell out in steps, like he was nervous, and Lily began to wonder if she’d seen him take a drink all evening.

“Give it a shot. Practice on me,” Mary coaxed. James let out the breath he was holding.

“Lily, I’m in love with you.”

 

Lily stopped breathing.

 

“That sounds like the perfect thing to say, to me,” Mary said, patting him on the shoulder, as James buried his face in his hands, his breathing echoing through his cupped fingers.

“She hates me, Mary. If I tell her, she’ll laugh in my face.”

“She didn’t seem to hate you tonight.”

“But then she disappeared!” James shouted dramatically, throwing his hands in the air. Mary covered the giggle that escaped from her mouth. “I was hoping to get her in here and tell her everything, but my whole plan went underwater. As usual.”

“I’ve got it!” Mary shrieked, nearly sending James flying off the desk. “Remus and Sirius.”

“What about them?” James asked, almost exasperatedly.

“Ask her to help you figure out how to get them to stop fighting.” James was silent – Lily couldn’t see his face, but she knew there was a light going off in his eyes. The one that usually meant trouble.

“That’s perfect,” he breathed out, in a whisper, followed by shouting. “Mary, that’s perfect!” Taking Mary completely by surprise, he leaned over and hugged her. “Thank you.”

“What should I tell everyone outside?” she asked as they pushed themselves off their desktops.

“One second,” James said, and Lily sat in complete confusion as James began to run in place, jump up and down, do jumping jacks, do a set of push-ups (which Lily pretended she wasn’t impressed by).

“What are you doing?” Mary asked.

“Tell them you snogged me within an inch of my life,” he said, breathing hard. Lily also pretended that his labored breath wasn’t causing a deeper blush to form underneath her skin. “Then when I follow you out, I’ll look the part.” He grinned, his trademark, James Potter grin, and Lily swallowed hard.

As they swung the door open, there was whistling and howling, and she distinctly hear the slapping of skin in a high-five, to which she rolled her eyes heavily.

For a moment, she just sat still. James was in love with her? Since when? Sure, he’d asked her out all those times in fifth year, but he was just showing off back then. He had just done it to irritate Severus. And, alright, so he liked to follow her around and annoy her, and he seemed to always find her line of sight in a crowd, and lately it seemed like his face brightened when he noticed her looking at him, and …

 

Oh, God.

 

James Potter was in love with her.

 

Just when she was about to get up and run all the way back to the Gryffindor Common Room, she heard Marlene scream from the other room.

“No, you can’t!” Lily strained to hear more. Something was mumbled in reply, she couldn’t hear it.

“They need to get this out, whatever it is.” It was James’ voice. Was he talking about Remus and Sirius? “Maybe they should just let it come to blows one more time and it’ll be over.” It had come down to this – the two of them were going to have an all-out brawl, over whatever it was they were so furious with each other. As the door to the empty classroom shut again, she froze, realizing that Remus and Sirius were about to duke it out, and she had no way to escape.  Lily held her breath, watching as the two friends stood facing each other.

“Make it rough, Moony,” Sirius finally said, his voice rich and low. “They’ve got to believe it.” Lily’s eyebrows furrowed. What did that mean? Remus quickly closed the gap between them, bringing his hand up to Sirius’ neck. A quick gasp slipped into Lily’s throat, and she covered her mouth to conceal it.

Remus spoke – his voice rumbled, deeper than Lily had ever heard him speak, and the words he used terrified her. “Do you want me to hurt you, Sirius?” he asked, pushing his thumb up underneath Sirius’ chin and forcing his gaze up to the ceiling. Never had she seen Remus act so cruel.

“ _Yes._ ” Lily’s jaw fell open, as Sirius’ voice quivered. He _wanted_ Remus to hurt him? Without a second thought, Remus shoved Sirius against the furthest wall, at the same time, slamming his open palm next to Sirius’ face. From where she was sitting, Remus’ back was to her, she couldn’t see either of their faces. Suddenly, Remus began punching the wall in the same spot – his knuckles looked raw every time he drew his fist back. She almost cried out to make him stop before he hit Sirius with one of those punches. In fact, she had just begun to move out from behind the desks to stop it, she had to stop it. As she moved toward them, she froze, her hands flying up to her lips to stop any sound. They weren’t fighting.

 

They were _snogging_. Really, heavily, _explicitly_ snogging.

 

Lily tiptoed carefully back to her place behind the row of desks, but she couldn’t take her eyes away from them. When did _this_ happen? Remus’ hands were on Sirius’ hips, pulling him against his own, and their mouths were so deeply intertwined, she wasn’t sure how they could ever be separated.

“I need you to yell for me, love,” Remus panted, his hand pressed into the wall high above Sirius’ head, and Sirius let out more of a moan than a yell, driving his hands into Remus’ hair.

“Is this what you’re like when you’re drunk?” Sirius laughed, with Remus’ lips on his throat. “God, I should get you drunk more often.” Remus tugged at Sirius’ tie. When Remus spoke, his voice was gravel and stone, Lily had never heard him sound so untamed.

“Drunk,” he agreed. “And frustrated as _fuck_ , because of you.” Lily’s eyes widened. Never, in the entire time they had been at Hogwarts, had she heard Remus swear before this moment. Now she knew what he was saving it for – he was practically tearing the clothes from Sirius’ skin. “And fucking Marlene McKinnon thinks she can have you.” Lily pursed her lips together to keep from laughing – now she knew why he had been giving Marlene death glares all night. She’d been flirting with Remus’ boyfriend. Is that what they were? Boyfriends? Or was it more like friends with benefits?

“You’re the only one who can have me, Moony,” Sirius replied, with a song in his voice, and Lily was sure she hadn’t ever heard him sound so happy. She certainly hadn’t ever heard him pledge his fidelity to any one person before – obvious now, it was because he had been waiting for Remus. “But I’m not going to pretend that I don’t absolutely love this. Does jealousy always make you this rough?”

“I’d rather not test it,” Remus said, his voice mumbled from where his teeth were pulling at the collar of Sirius’ shirt. “Because I feel like I could rip you apart right now.” Lily blinked slowly – this was definitely a side of Remus she’d never seen before.

“Fucking hell, I’d _let_ you, Moony,” Sirius groaned, grabbing Remus’ face and kissing him desperately for a moment, before Remus pulled him away from the wall. Softly, he held Sirius by the chin.

“Ready?” he asked, and Lily’s eyebrows furrowed. Ready for what? Whatever it was, Sirius nodded, and Lily leaned forward in suspense. Remus slapped Sirius as hard as he could. Lily flinched at the sound.

Sirius clenched his teeth, hissing as he pulled in a breath, letting it out slow. “God, I really am a masochist,” he laughed, holding his hand over his reddened cheek. “I’ve never been more attracted to you.”

Remus moved Sirius’ hand, kissing softly onto the place he just inflicted pain. “Please don’t make me do this all the time.” Finally, Lily could recognize the familiar, easy tone of Remus’ voice, and she may have breathed a sigh of relief at hearing it.

“No promises,” Sirius smiled, the most genuine smile she’d ever seen on his face, as he gently pressed his lips against Remus’ again. “Can I at least rough you up a bit?”

The look on Remus’ face was golden. “Please do.” He held his arms out to his sides, as if to tell Sirius he could do anything he wanted to him. First, Sirius’ fingers went into his hair, and Remus’ eyes fluttered closed – Lily had never seen him so relaxed, so comfortable. When Sirius pulled at the neck of his sweater, he opened a single eye to look down at him. “Careful, I like this jumper.” But when Sirius’ lips found the skin of Remus’ neck, he let his eyes roll back, let his head roll back, face to the ceiling. Lily heard him sigh.

Sirius took a step back. “Do you want me to hit you?” He tilted his head as he looked Remus up and down, as if he were judging his outfit. Remus was silent, but Lily could tell he was considering it.

“Can we fake it? I’m still sore from last night.” He raised his arms over his head to stretch as Lily blushed, at first trying not to wonder what it was he was sore from. Until she remembered that the full moon had been last night. Remus’ lycanthropy was a secret, by all accounts, but she arguably paid more attention to the Marauders than was healthy, pretending it wasn’t because of their fearless leader. She hadn’t told anyone else about her discovery – and she never would. Nobody outside those four boys needed to know.  

“Come here, then,” Sirius smiled, holding Remus by the jaw and pinching the skin over Remus’s left cheekbone in a few places until it turned bright red.

“Do I look as beat up as you?” Remus quipped at the black eye he had given Sirius – Lily began to wonder if Remus had even been the one to give it to him, or at least, what the situation had been then.

“Well, yeah,” Sirius huffed, his eyes falling down Remus’ torso, settling just below Remus’ belt, a bright pink flush spreading through his cheeks. “But it looks like you really enjoyed it.” The blush on Sirius’ cheeks spread to Lily’s, and she held her cold fingers over her face to calm it.

 “Can’t pretend that I didn’t.” Remus’ smile was wicked, his hand slipping over his zipper, moving himself underneath it. Lily’s face felt like it was on fire. Sirius’ expression slacked.

“Jesus, Remus,” Sirius hissed, immediately stepping over and taking Remus by the neck, pulling him into a fitful kiss. “You can’t just touch yourself like that and not expect me to want to bury my face in it.”

 

Remus laughed, Lily’s mouth dropped open, and Sirius put his fist into the wall.

 

“Ready?” Remus asked. Sirius moved his hips, his legs, his expression.

“Not really, but if I don’t get out of this room, everyone outside is going to get an earful of me fucking you into the wall.” Lily wondered if there was steam coming from her ears. Sirius and Remus were not only snogging – they were shagging. And everyone thought they hated each other. At Sirius’ blunt comment, she watched Remus swallow hard, and it made her think that maybe they weren’t yet shagging, because it seemed that the thought of it had provoked Remus in a way that she hadn’t yet seen.

As Remus threw Sirius from the room, the gasps told Lily that the people outside hadn’t heard any of the conversation in the room – only what sounded like a brutal fist fight. There was muffled speaking outside the door that she couldn’t make out, until Sirius shouted Remus’ name.

“We didn’t finish,” he said, and even from there, Lily could hear the breathlessness in his voice. As she heard him say it, she began to realize that everything the two of them had said earlier in the day, earlier in the party, could be completely misinterpreted. Neither of them ever admitted directly to being angry with one another or having animosity toward each other. Everyone else said it, and neither of them denied it. She remembered what Remus had said to her earlier. “ _It’s really nobody else’s business_ ,” he had said bluntly, and _“It’s his favorite thing. To upset me_.” Remus hadn’t been talking about a fight, at all.

“I beat you, Black. You’re a mess.” Remus replied calmly.

“So are you.” Lily could imagine the expressions on their faces.

“Alright, fine. You want to finish this? Let’s go.” She heard Remus walk toward the door, and Sirius less than calmly following after him. The unknowing bystanders in the room tried to stop him, and Lily laughed about the desperation in Sirius’ voice, in trying to convince them to let him go. He convinced them by saying that he needed to face whatever Remus had in store for him. Lily snorted as she escaped the room.

Just as Sirius walked from the room, Lily walked back into it, and James’ eyes were on her immediately. With all that had just happened, she’d nearly forgotten what she’d heard James say, and when his hazel eyes met hers, she felt a rush of heat spread through her cheeks. After all she had just seen, and heard, she half-expected her blushing response to be destroyed, but there it was.

“James,” she said in a whisper, and she watched his jaw clench tightly in response, his chest suddenly rising with nervous breath. “I think we need to talk.” His eyes widened, he swallowed hard.

 

**_ Sirius _ **

 

“Do you think James and Peter will come back?” Sirius asked as Remus pushed him up against their dorm room door, biting underneath the corner of his jaw.

“I don’t care,” Remus growled, sliding his tongue up Sirius’ neck, over his ear. Sirius responded with what could only be described as a purr, and the force of Remus’ lips increased.

“Tell me what you want, Moony.” Sirius’ voice was deep, smooth, decided. Eyes wide and dark, Remus looked back at him, sliding both hands down Sirius’ waist, lifting him off the floor and wrapping Sirius’ legs around his hips. Without breaking his gaze, he pressed his hips further into Sirius’.

“What I want,” Remus replied, and Sirius had never heard his voice so low, so desperate. “Is to make you come,” he paused, gripping tight onto Sirius’ hips and thrusting hard into him. “Again.” Remus pushed Sirius’ hair to the side, and Sirius turned his head to let Remus at the bare of his neck. “And again.” Sirius let out a hiss between clenched teeth as Remus bit down. “And again.” At that, Remus let Sirius slide down his hips, just a bit, before thrusting into him again, their hardened cocks grinding against the fabric between them.

“Fuck, Moony. _Fuck_ ,” Sirius growled, tearing the sweater from Remus’ shoulders.

“And then, when you’re right on the edge,” Remus breathed out, slowly pulling at Sirius’ tie, working down the buttons of Sirius’ shirt. “When your skin is slick with sweat, and your cock is in my mouth, and you’re begging me to let you come,” Remus continued panting hard into Sirius’ ear, sliding his fingers agonizingly slowly down Sirius’ waist, with Sirius’ breathing becoming more uneven and ragged with each breath. Before he could finish, Sirius turned and put his lips over Remus’, sliding his tongue deep into Remus’ mouth, and moaning every frantic breath into him. At that, Remus seemed to come unhinged – when their lips parted, the breath fell from Remus’ lungs, gritty and divided and dangerous. “God, I want to fuck you, Padfoot.” His voice shook.

“ _Jesus_. Then fuck me, Moony,” Sirius voice rose in impatience as he pushed Remus’ face toward the ceiling, working his lips all the way down to the curve of Remus’ neck. And Remus let him suck, let him sink his teeth in, and didn’t seem at all concerned whether James or Peter or Lily would see any mark left behind.

As Remus slipped his hands underneath Sirius’ legs, and carried him over to Remus’ four-poster, Sirius didn’t once let his lips stray from Remus’ throat. They remained on Remus’ skin until Remus let him fall onto the bed underneath him. With a ravenous look in his eyes, Remus crawled over where Sirius lay, and Sirius watched him with rapt attention as Remus enclosed them, whispering a precautionary Silencing spell.

Though Remus eyes never left Sirius’, once his attention was back in full, they traveled across Sirius’ bare chest and every mark that came with it. The freckles still left over from the summer he’d spent with James, the scar that his father had given him as a souvenir when he had fled his childhood home, the love marks that Remus had bitten into his skin that hadn’t yet faded. Teeth marks from the Wolf that lived inside Remus.

With a careful smile, Remus’ eyes darted back up to Sirius’, as he bent, watching Sirius closely as he pressed his lips to Sirius’ chest. Sirius darted his tongue out to wet his lips, letting his head fall back onto the pillow, as Remus’ mouth sank lower and lower, and his hands rid Sirius of his trousers.

“Do you know how many times I imagined doing this to you, Pads?” Remus asked coyly, slipping off his own trousers, as Sirius arched his shoulders, his head sinking back further.

“Tell me, Moony,” he hummed. Listening to the sound of Remus’ voice, particularly in this manner, in this tone (often with his words mumbled by Sirius’ cock), was one of Sirius’ favorite things.

“Every minute of every fucking hour,” Remus growled, curving his mouth, hot and wet, around the arc of Sirius’ waist. “Every time I watched you put your hair into a bun with your wand, every time you came out of the shower in just a towel, every time we ran from Filch and you’re as breathless as you are now.” His tongue swirled around Sirius’ jutting hipbone, dipping down into the crease at Sirius’ leg, and Sirius bent himself backward trying to give Moony more skin to tease.

“More, Moony. God, give me more,” he whined. “Tell me what you wanted to do to me back then.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Remus’s laugh echoed into Sirius’ skin, as he pushed Sirius’ legs further apart, still working his way down, inside. “The filthiest things you can imagine, Pads. I wanted you in every fucking way.” His mouth worked rhythmically at the skin of Sirius’ inner thigh.

“Goddammit, _tell me_ , Moony,” Sirius begged, his voice hoarse, as Remus whispered a few spells into Sirius’ skin, and Sirius felt a rush of warmth and cold, all at once, in the places he wanted Remus to be.

“I wanted you just like this, Padfoot,” Remus purred, leisurely sliding his arms underneath Sirius, and turning him onto his knees, his hands at Sirius’ arse, angling his hips upward. “I wanted to taste every part of you.” Remus’ mouth moved up the back of Sirius’ thigh, he pressed his lips at the tight ring of muscle, and Sirius fell apart, his breathing tattered and destroyed. Once Remus darted his tongue out, lapping at Sirius’ entrance lightly, Sirius couldn’t hold the shouting moan that tore from his lips.

Remus paused for just a moment. “I wanted to fuck you in every way, and I wanted you to curse my name as I made you come.” His warm breath fell between Sirius’ legs. He whispered another spell, rubbed his hands together, and wrapped his fingers around Sirius’ cock – his hands were suddenly warm and slick, and Sirius gripped hard onto the sheets as Remus’ tongue found him again, swirling and dipping indecently into him.

 “Fuck, Moony, fuck, _fuck_ ,” Sirius mumbled senselessly, a shameless moan filling every vowel as Remus lapped and sucked and drove his tongue deep into Sirius. Every moan from Remus’ lips sent a vibrating shudder into the base of Sirius’ spine, until his entire body shook, just as Remus promised he would. Every flick of Remus’ wrist, every thrust of Remus’ tongue sent Sirius’ vision white, until he was shouting Remus’ name, over and over, his voice fading and his breath failing.

Just as he hissed the last, drawn-out syllable of Remus’ name, on the very edge of coming apart, Remus pulled away from him, pushing him onto his back and settling a very heavy hand on Sirius’ chest. Sirius looked up at him, Remus’ chest was _heaving_. He slid his slicked hand along his own cock, swallowing hard.

“Merlin, I _need_ to fuck you,” he said, his face flushed and his voice trembling. Sirius didn’t even pause.

“Do anything to me, Moony, _anything_ ,” Sirius growled, every inch of skin throbbing. Instantly, Remus aligned his hips, Sirius’ legs wrapped around his waist, and Sirius could feel him slowly pressing in, widening him, and Sirius was taking him, taking him, pulling him in further. As Remus pressed in full, they both took in a sharp breath, and Remus’ eyes went soft as he looked down at Sirius.

It wasn’t the first time, but Remus was just as timid as he was when it _had_ been the first time, sliding in and out of Sirius gently, tenderly, carefully, but clutching hard onto Sirius’ hips and digging his fingernails into Sirius’s skin, as if to try to hold himself back. With a smirk, Sirius locked his feet behind Remus’ back and pulled him in, pulling a tight moan from deep in Remus’ throat as he raised his head.

Remus’ eyes found Sirius’, and he spoke, his voice muted. “I don’t want to hurt you, Sirius.” Sirius’s smile still in place, he took Remus’ hand and wrapped it around his cock, pumping himself with Remus’ fingers.

“You couldn’t if you tried,” Sirius’ voice sang out, vivid and rich, as he arched his spine into Remus’ touch, into Remus’ cock still buried within him. The bright, amber color of Remus’ eyes burned as his eyelids fluttered closed, his fingers tightening round Sirius’ cock, as Sirius’ own hand slipped away.  

Remus smiled, but it was no longer his casual, reserved smile – it was the smile that Sirius alone was allowed to see, the vagrant, fixated smile that usually meant Sirius needed to get him alone rather quickly. It was the same smile that Sirius had found on Remus’ face during their private DADA lessons, the same smile that Remus would give him the morning after a full moon. That smile folded into Remus’ teeth as he bit down, and pushed his hips hard into Sirius’, to which Sirius responded with a moan he couldn’t keep down.

Breathless, Remus snarled, his canines glinting. “Is this what you want?”

“Yes, fuck. _Harder_ , Moony,” Sirius gasped, his voice calloused with too much breath. Remus complied, pulling out nearly completely before thrusting his cock into Sirius again. His deft fingers worked the shaft of Sirius’ cock with precision, gliding his thumb over the head with every stroke, and Sirius fitfully screamed, and cursed, and moaned, until his throat could make no more sound. Sirius’ hand shook as he scraped his fingers down Remus’ scarred chest, taking Remus’ free hand in his own and bringing it to his lips. His tongue darted out, slipping in between Remus’ two middle fingers, as he drew them into his mouth.

“ _Oh_.” The sound shuddered from Remus’ throat. His eyes moved guideless over Sirius’ skin, his hips moved in rhythm to his hand on Sirius’ cock – the same rhythm of Sirius’ mouth, sucking on Remus’ slender fingers. As Sirius lapped his tongue between Remus’ knuckles, Remus’ eyes were immediately drawn to Sirius’ mouth, Remus’ own mouth falling agape as he watched the obscene movements of Sirius’ lips. With his eyes on Sirius’ lips, Remus buried himself into Sirius again, and again, harder and faster.

With only a few more thrusts, Sirius began to writhe underneath Remus – his mouth fell open noiselessly, and Remus’ fingers hung emptily in their place. On the verge of orgasm, the whole of Sirius’ body aching and trembling – Remus went motionless. His hand lay still on Sirius’ cock, his hips began to move back, slipping himself just out of Sirius. And the expression on Sirius’ face was tortured.

“You know what I want you to say,” Remus bargained, his voice hollow as he dragged his forefinger along Sirius’ bottom lip. Sirius bit down on it. “Say it, and I’ll let you come.”

Sirius opened his mouth to whine, but his voice was empty. He looked up at Remus with a pitiful gaze, but the lecherously wicked smile on Remus’ face told him he would get no sympathy. Instead, Remus took Sirius’ hand and returned his affection, sliding Sirius’ finger deep into his mouth, up to the knuckle. His tongue swirled around Sirius’ finger for a moment, before he pulled Sirius from his mouth, pressing two of Sirius’ fingers taught against his lips. At the skin between Sirius’ fingers, Remus slipped his tongue through, back and forth, and Sirius clawed at Remus’ chest, begging silently. Finally, Remus shifted his hips, brushing the tip of his slick cock against Sirius’ arse, teasing at the entrance, still lapping at Sirius’ fingers with his tongue.

“Please, _Remus_!” Sirius shouted, in more of a whisper, and Remus groaned gratefully.

“Say it again,” he demanded, breathing shallow.

“ _Remus_ ,” Sirius accommodated in a quivering tone.

“Oh, fuck, _yes_ ,” Remus growled, shoving himself deep into Sirius, and Sirius used what little voice he had left to let out a loud, prolonged moan, in the shape of Remus’ name. With Sirius’ slicked fingers in his own, Remus wrapped both hands around Sirius’ cock, and Sirius curved into the stimulation.

“Gods, _Remus_ , please. Say something, please.” Sirius’ voice came out ragged and raw. “Please.”

Remus shuddered, his pace quickened as Sirius spoke, his whispered voice strained. “Merlin, I love it when you beg like that. I’m so fucking close.” He dug his fingers into Sirius’ hip. “Beg for it again.”

“Harder,” Sirius whined immediately. His cock twitched, as Remus’ hips did the same. “ _More_.”

“You’re close, too, Pads. I can feel it, God, you’re so hard.” Remus’ fingers tightened around Sirius’ cock, and Sirius responded by throwing his head back against the pillows underneath him.

“ _Yes_ , Moony, don’t stop.” His chest rose sporadically with racing breath. “Don’t stop.”

“I want you to come, I want to _make_ you come.” Remus’ voice buzzed, his breathing erratic and rushed, but the movement of his hand steady and rhythmic. “I want it to be me. I want it to _always_ be me.”

“ _Yes_ ,” Sirius arched his neck, breathing out his reply. “Only you, I only _want_ _you_.” Remus was speaking again, hurriedly, as if to convince himself to say it before his nerve ran out.

“Dammit, Sirius, I am so in lo- … Oh, _fuck_.” The guttural groan in Remus’ throat interrupted his thought, a shudder spreading through his spine as he came, and Sirius felt a soft heat fill him as Remus went still. But he was suddenly much more interested in what Remus had just been about to say.

“Remus.” His whisper was interrupted by an emptying groan as Remus slipped from him. “What …” he began to ask, but Remus quickly bent, and buried Sirius’ cock into his mouth. In the warmth of Remus’ mouth, and as stimulated as he had already been, he barely had time to shout Remus’ name before he was spilling out, white and hot, down Remus’ throat. Licking his lips, Remus looked up at him, an eyebrow raised.

He breathed out slowly through pursed lips. “That was …” He pressed a kiss to Sirius’ chest, leaving his lips to linger as he breathed in deeply. “Fuck.”

Sirius laughed, running his hand through Remus’ disheveled hair, letting his fingers ghost down Remus’ cheek. Remus leaned into his touch, closing his eyes. Though they hadn’t exchanged the words directly, Sirius knew what had been on Remus’ lips – because it was constantly on the edge of his own. As Remus opened his eyes, the color of the sun at dusk, and smiled in the way that only Remus Lupin could – quiet and reserved, but dominant and proud, all at once – Sirius knew. Of course, he’d known for some time. Truthfully, he knew before he’d ever even had the conscious thought. That he was ruined. That there was only, ever, Remus Lupin.

“Fuck,” he agreed.


	2. How it began: Say it again.

**_ Sirius: How it Began  _ **

 

It had become habit – Sirius found himself staying with Remus longer and longer after the full moon. It wasn’t that James and Peter ran off and left Sirius with all the responsibility of looking after poor, incapacitated, little Moony. In fact, they had, at first, taken shifts with it. The first moon after they found out, James had been the one to stay with Remus. Then Peter. Then Sirius. Then Sirius, again. Then Sirius, again. Occasionally, James or Peter would acknowledge the fact that Sirius had taken it the last several months in a row, but usually, they let him do it. Sirius wasn’t shy about the fact that he liked the extra time with Remus.

It was the conversation, Sirius imagined. He didn’t know why, but it was easy to talk to Remus. Sure, it was easy to talk to any of them. James was more like a brother to Sirius than his own brother was, but that was part of the problem, in and of itself. James was always trying to fix everything for Sirius – the situation with his parents, the problems with his younger brother. Some things couldn’t be fixed. James couldn’t always see that.

And Peter – well, Peter was an exceptional listener. Sirius could talk to him for hours on end, and Peter wouldn’t interrupt once. Which was great when Sirius had a lot to say, and, granted, he usually did. But in those times when he wanted advice, Peter wasn’t exactly the one to give it. Mostly because he just listened – he didn’t read into the situation, he didn’t try to fix anything, he just _listened_.

Remus was the best of both worlds. So exceptionally clever was Remus that Sirius could present him with any set of information, and he would know exactly _why_ the situation was occurring and, most often, how to fix it. But Remus would only give his opinion and leave it at that. Sirius would be responsible for fixing it on his own, if there was a fix to be made. In most ways, Sirius appreciated him for that.

 

After a particularly violent full moon at the start of seventh year, Remus remained unconscious for a full day. The Marauders were all out of sorts, and the whole school could tell. The morning after, the three of them refused to leave the hospital wing, much to the exasperation of Madam Pomfrey. She ordered them off to their classes after only about an hour or so, and they begrudgingly obeyed.

Sirius couldn’t concentrate on anything. James assured him that Remus would be fine. Of course, he was right – this had happened once before, and Remus had just needed the extra rest. Sirius sat in his seat, chanting to himself, ‘ _Moony is fine, James is right, you wouldn’t be helping.’_ It went on for the rest of the day’s classes, it went on during dinner, it continued as they left the Great Hall.

“I’ll go check on Moony, meet you upstairs,” Sirius assured James with a clap on the shoulder, as he raced off toward the hospital wing, lighting a cigarette on the way and spelling away all evidence of it once he reached the door. Inside, Remus still lied unconscious, and Madam Pomfrey was not in sight.

With a sigh, Sirius pulled a chair over to Remus’ bed, propping himself up on the edge with his elbows, settling his face into his hands. His eyes flittered over Remus’ new scars, new bruises, before they closed again, over a sigh that shuddered from Sirius’ chest. He let his face fall onto the bed underneath him, his hands folding over the back of his head, breathing out into the fibers of the sheets.

“I’m so sorry, Moony,” he whispered, and he felt the barest of movement from Remus’ fingers, brushing against his temple. He glanced over, but Remus was still out. Sirius reached out, taking Remus’ fingers into his own, and they were as cold as ice.

“You didn’t miss much today,” Sirius continued, rubbing his hands against Remus’, in an effort to warm them. “McKinnon screamed at me again, but that’s no surprise. She’s been yelling at me since last year.”

 

A heavy, pained breath fell from Remus’ lungs, and Sirius looked up. Still nothing.

 

“James thinks I should have dated her,” Sirius sighed, pressing his lips against Remus’ fingers, blowing out hot air against them. “But I wasn’t … it’s just not her, you know? I mean, I tried. I really did. But there’s nothing there. Not with her.” Once Remus’ fingers were warmed, Sirius pressed his hand to Remus’ forehead, and it was nearly as cold as his hands had been.

It wasn’t unusual – Remus usually got increasingly warm, right up to the full moon, and then quite cold afterward. That didn’t mean that Sirius didn’t immediately think of climbing into bed with him to warm him up, and he nearly did, if not for the nagging thought that it would look quite odd, if anyone were to pop in.

In fact, many of the things he thought of doing with Remus seemed to be odd, lately. Just the other day, he’d been sitting with Remus in the Common Room – they all had, but Remus had been right next to him – and Sirius nearly laid down with his head in Remus’ lap. But, he would have done it if it had been James, too, right? No, the thought of it with James didn’t seem nearly as normal. Like the dream he’d had about Remus over the summer – he had to constantly pretend that dream hadn’t even happened, or it would be all he thought of.

Even warming Remus’ fingers as he had been – if it had been James, he would have just tucked James’ fingers back into the blankets. For some reason, everything was easier with Remus. When he flung an arm around someone’s neck, it was usually around Remus’. When he was choosing a place to sit, it was usually next to Remus. When he was smiling, it was usually at Remus. But, that was what friends did. Right?

 _Was_ that what friends did? His jaw tightened as his hand lingered at Remus’ face, brushing down his cheek softly, catching at the bare stubble at his jaw. The more his fingers moved along Remus’ skin, skimming across his cheeks, ghosting over the scar across his nose, kissing the edge of his lips, the more he realized. This _wasn’t_ what friends did. Friends didn’t have dreams about each other like the one he’d had. Especially not ones that made them _feel_ the way he did about Remus. Then what did that make Remus to him?

“Sirius,” Remus suddenly breathed out, his eyes still closed, and Sirius’ breath caught in his throat as he quickly drew his hand away from Remus’ lips. Instead, he slipped it back into Remus’ fingers.

“I’m here, Moony,” he said, glancing up at him, wondering how much he’d been awake for. But he wasn’t awake – his eyes were closed, moving rapidly underneath his eyelids, as if in a dream. “Moony?”

“Sirius,” Remus repeated, his voice more desperate, and his fingers gripped tightly onto Sirius’ for just a moment. Just before he opened his mouth and pushed out a deep, slow breath. Sirius swallowed.

“It’s alright, Moony, I’m here.” Sirius rubbed a circle onto Remus’ hand with his thumb. Just as his name was on Remus’ lips a third time, Remus opened his eyes. Sirius continued to rub this thumb along the back of Remus’ hand, and Remus’ eyes flittered down to it.

He paused for a moment, watching Sirius carefully. “I, uh … I was having a dream.”

“You were calling for me,” Sirius said without thinking. Remus clamped his mouth shut, his eyes shooting around the room, as if trying to find anything else to look at. “What did you dream about?”

Instantly, Remus’ eyes were on him again, and Sirius was unsettled by the look he found there. It wasn’t that it was an unpleasant look he found – it was one that he discovered looked quite appetizing on Moony. It wasn’t even the knowledge that unsettled him – knowing that he found a certain look about Remus as attractive. No, it was that he was already _very_ familiar with that unsettled feeling, realizing that he had been feeling it more and more often, where Remus was concerned. Before the full moons, before the dream. And if he was honest with himself, it was why he hadn’t been interested in Marlene McKinnon last year.

“You’d rather not know,” Remus replied, not breaking his gaze. Sirius was unrelenting.

“Are you sure?” he wondered, feeling rather tight in the chest. “I might be interested.”

Remus smiled, and Sirius recognized the feeling again. “I highly doubt that, Pads.”

“Moony,” Sirius pressed, his grip on his hand suddenly increasing, his fingers circling around underneath Remus’ wrist, pushing up in between his fingers. Remus took a sharp breath inward. Just as Remus was about to respond, James and Peter burst into the room, and Sirius pulled his hand away. Even though Remus smiled at all his friends, he couldn’t keep from glancing back at Sirius. Every time he did, there was that look in his eyes, and that familiar feeling in Sirius’ gut wasn’t going away this time.

 

**_ Remus: How it Began  _ **

 

It was a sex dream. About his best friend. Well, it wasn’t so much a sex dream as it was a foreplay dream. Which might’ve been worse, honestly. And Sirius had to sit there and listen to Remus breathe out his name, which he knew he had done, because Sirius had told him as much.

The dream hadn’t even been about sex. It wasn’t that Remus had never had a sex dream about Sirius before because, _Godric Gryffindor_ , he had those more often than he’d ever admit. No, this one was just _touching_. So vivid, in fact, that he wondered when he woke if some of it hadn’t been real. After all, Sirius’ hand was woven quite tightly into his own, and the look in Sirius’ eyes was … different.

It wasn’t unusual for Remus to find that look in Sirius’ eyes lately. Remus couldn’t place the first time he saw it appear, but he distinctly remembered his chest tightening. Because, unless Remus was just projecting his own crush, then Sirius was looking at him the way he’d been looking at Sirius since fourth year.

And there it was. That same look. The look that made his chest hurt. The look that made Remus wonder if maybe Sirius had turned down Marlene McKinnon last year because he was busy thinking about someone else. The look that made Remus wonder if Sirius’ fingers had just been pressed to his lips.

In the dream, Sirius had held Remus’ hand, cold as it was, in some effort to warm him, it seemed, because he then put his mouth over Remus’ fingers and breathed out, hot and wet. Sirius’ hand then moved up to Remus’ face, tracing down the line of his jaw, across his nose, and finally, brushing over his lips.

It was then that he called out Sirius’ name, in a tone so needy, so shameless because he couldn’t keep it to himself any longer. Instead of Sirius’ touch being amplified, as Remus hoped it would, it was detracted. Still, his touch found its way into Remus’ fingers, and Remus again spoke his name, softer.

“It’s alright, Moony, I’m here,” Remus heard Sirius say from his dreams, and when he realized he was hearing that voice in real time, it stirred him from sleep. When he woke, he realized that his fingers were, in fact, held tightly in Sirius’ own, and Sirius was drawing his thumb back and forth across Remus’ hand. Remus let his eyes glance down to their entwined hands for a moment, before glancing back up at Sirius.

“I, uh …” Remus paused, eyes narrowing in Sirius’ direction. “I was having a dream.”

Sirius spoke instantly. “You were calling for me.” Remus clenched his jaw, inadvertently darting his gaze around, trying to find something to latch onto – something other than Sirius. “What did you dream about?”

For all his efforts, Remus couldn’t keep the lust from his stare as it settled back on Sirius. Maybe it was the weariness of the moon that was dulling his normally sharp sense of perception, but it almost seemed like Sirius was returning the look. If nothing else, he certainly wasn’t avoiding it.  

“You’d rather not know,” Remus tested, not yet looking away. And neither was Sirius.

“Are you sure?” Sirius pressed, and Remus swore he leaned in. “I might be interested.”

Remus’ chest burned, but he smiled nonetheless. “I highly doubt that, Pads.”

“Moony,” Sirius practically whined, increasing the hold he had on Remus’ hand, twisting his fingers toward the inside of Remus’ wrist. As he slipped his fingers between Remus’, Remus couldn’t hold down the surprised breath that he took in. Remus was about to respond, when James and Peter came crashing into the room, and Sirius smoothly removed his hand. James and Peter didn’t even notice.

They went on as usual, and Remus smiled at his friends, but he couldn’t keep his eyes off that one, in particular. The one that had been distracting all his attention lately. More than lately – Remus could remember having these feelings about Sirius for quite some time. His friends talked, and Remus tried hard not to cement his gaze onto Sirius. He absently licked his lips. They tasted like menthol.

 

**_ Sirius: How it Began _ **

 

As Remus carefully settled down onto his mattress, he let out a long, painful groan – Sirius looked over at him, his naked back covered in bruises and already-healing scars from the moon. It had been a couple days since Remus was released from the hospital wing, since the two of them had last been alone. After hard nights like that, it wasn’t right to leave Remus to fend for himself, especially not when it was this difficult for him to move on his own. They’d skipped classes in shifts – James had taken the first day, so Sirius elected to stay behind on the second, so that James and Peter could go to their classes. If Sirius was honest with himself, his motives were frankly quite selfish. He just wanted Remus to himself again.

“Alright, Moony?” Sirius asked softly, as Remus laid on his mattress, his face buried in a pile of gold and red blankets. He mumbled a reply, but it was unintelligible.

“What can I do?” Sirius followed, making his way over to Remus’ bed. Remus turned his head enough to where his mouth was free to answer.

“No idea,” he said, blinking heavily. “Everything hurts.” Before Sirius could stop himself, he was touching Remus – his skin was warmer than Sirius expected, especially this soon after a transformation. 

“Does this hurt?” Sirius asked, squeezing at the nape of Remus’ neck with soft pressure. Again, Remus let out a soft groan, but it was different. It was almost sounded like pleasure. Sirius took in a breath.

“No,” he replied, rather slowly. “It’s … nice.”

“What about this?” Sirius rubbed a tight circle into the muscles at the center of Remus’ back, and the noise he made was the same, but a little more pronounced, a little louder. Sirius felt a rise in his brow, and – he tried to ignore it – felt the same rise in other less appropriate regions.

“ _Yes_ ,” Remus replied, his word drawn out in a contented sigh. It was much the same way he’d heard Remus say that word in a very descriptive dream he’d had over the summer. Sirius wanted him to say it again.

“And, uh …” Sirius crawled onto Remus’ bed, kneeling next to him. “This?” Sirius kneaded at his back, careful to avoid the bruises and fresh scars. Remus responded with what Sirius could only describe as a moan. A sound he’d never really heard Remus make before. Sirius had heard them coming from other people, but it had never sounded as good as it did coming from _him_. The rise got worse, but he couldn’t stop. Didn’t want to.

“God, _yes_ ,” Remus breathed out hard, and Sirius found himself rubbing Remus’ back a little harder in response and wondering if Remus had ever made these noises for anyone else before. Wondering if he could get Remus to make them louder. Longer. _More_.

“Better, Moony?” Sirius asked in a nervous voice, swallowing. His fingers worked their way up toward Remus’ neck. He thought about the feelings like this that he’d had about Remus lately, and not just the ones from the hospital wing. Like last week after their last prank, and the smile on Remus’ face had never seemed so bright. Or the week before that, when he fell asleep in class and Sirius took specific notice of the way his dark blondes curls fell over his eyes. Or the year before, when Sirius noticed how Remus’ scars seemed more raised after Remus got out of a very hot shower, and how he wondered what they’d feel like underneath his fingers.

Like right in that moment, where listening to Remus’ pleasured moaning was causing Sirius to swell uncomfortably underneath his zipper.

Before Sirius could stop himself, he swung a leg over Remus’ hips, so that he was straddling him, and he was pressing into his spine with both thumbs. Remus’ skin was warm, and soft, and Sirius pushed the heel of his hand out toward Remus’ waist, letting his fingertips brush just the slightest bit at the curve. With all four fingers pressed deep into the dip at the small of his back, Remus spoke.

“Oh, _fuck_ , Sirius,” he moaned deeply, his face buried in the sheets, his voice thick – lower and hungrier and headier than Sirius had ever heard it. Sirius had never heard Remus swear before, and hearing it then, and in that rumbling, breathy tone – caused a reaction. They both froze for a moment, Sirius realizing that he was pressing himself, achingly erect, against Remus’ backside. And that Remus was _responding_ to it.

“Remus,” Sirius breathed out, leaning down into him, his hands sliding out toward Remus’ waist, curving around him. His fingers slipped between Remus’ skin and the sheets, sliding underneath Remus’ hips, and Remus took in a sharp breath, through his teeth, like Sirius’ touch burned his skin.

Sirius wasn’t thinking – he only knew he wanted to feel every inch of Remus with his own hands, and he knew where he wanted to start. As Sirius’ fingertips traced down into the dip along the muscle inside Remus’ hip, Remus let out a heavy, uneven breath, balling a fist into the sheet, just as the door swung open as James and Peter returned from class. Sirius quickly scrambled away from Remus, racing toward the loo.

“Remus is a little sore, let him be!” Sirius shouted, his voice cracking. And that was the first time he’d ever had a wank over his best friend.

 

**_ Remus: How it Began _ **

 

Once he was released from the hospital wing, Remus began watching Sirius rather closely. Had it been a fluke? Remus _had_ thought it before – that maybe Sirius was staring a little too long, or maybe he looked at Remus a little softer than he looked at James, or maybe his eyes flittered down Remus’ bare chest if he took his shirt off, lingering on his scars more than Remus would consider normal.

Remus couldn’t shake the taste of Sirius’ specific brand of cigarettes from his lips. Every time Sirius lit a smoke, it was all Remus could concentrate on – the scent, the way the smoke curled up past Sirius’ grey eyes, the way Sirius’ mouth hung open lazily, letting the smoke pour from it. It hadn’t just been in a dream – Sirius’ fingers had been on Remus’ lips as he slept, and just _knowing_ was making Remus come untethered.

As much as Remus appreciated James volunteering to stay with him the day after he came back from Pomfrey’s wing, he noticed the disappointment that Sirius was trying to hide in his expression. Remus couldn’t help but feel like that expression was mirrored on his own face. He wanted it to be Sirius. He wanted to be _alone_ with Sirius, even if he was sure it wouldn’t lead to anything.

Honestly, Remus probably would’ve been well enough to attend classes the second day. He likely would’ve fallen asleep in Potions, and the Marauders would most definitely have had to walk a little slower so that he could keep up, but he could’ve toughed it out. Until Sirius quite eagerly opted to stay at the dorms with him. And Remus suddenly felt like he couldn’t make it to class, after all.

That morning dragged on. Sirius tended to Remus, as he usually did, but nothing of any significance happened. A rogue brush of skin here and there, which felt electric to Remus’ skin, but Sirius probably thought nothing of it. Remus dropped a few indecipherably subtle hints, and, of course, Sirius picked up on none of them. Remus took it as a sign that he’d been imagining it all. So what if Sirius touched his lips? No big deal.

 

Except it was the _biggest_ fucking deal. Because platonic, _straight_ friends don’t touch each other’s lips.

 

Still, Remus tried to put it out of his mind. Maybe it was a fleeting thought and Sirius realized he wasn’t as interested in Remus’ lips as he’d thought, when he pressed against them with fingers still painted with the chemicals of cigarette smoke. It obviously wasn’t expanding further than that, so Remus tried to forget it.

As he crawled onto his bed, he did so quite loudly, the throbbing in his muscles making it rather uncomfortable to move. He lowered himself down, pressing his face into the mattress.

“Alright, Moony?” he heard Sirius ask, his voice tender. Remus suppressed the twitter that he felt in his heart, mumbling something into the sheets that wouldn’t have even made sense if the words had been clear.

“What can I do?” Sirius offered, and Remus clenched his teeth. Why did Sirius have to be so bloody magnificent? Not just a body that Remus wanted to fuck, but a person that he had to be _in love_ with?

“No idea,” he said, turning his head so Sirius could hear him. “Everything hurts.” In his periphery, he saw Sirius leaning against one of the posts of his bed in front of him. Without so much as a warning, Sirius reached out and slid his hand over Remus’ shoulder, settling at the curve of his neck, pressing softly.

“Does this hurt?” Sirius asked, his voice deeper than it had been a moment before. And Remus couldn’t keep the weighty breath that pushed from his lips, hoping it would be ignored.

“No,” Remus drew out his reply, trying to choose his words carefully. “It’s … nice.” He wondered if Sirius would stop touching him if he admitted that he _liked_ it. He really didn’t want Sirius to stop touching him.

“What about this?” Sirius asked, leaning over and sliding a heavy hand down Remus’ spine, and there was no way Remus had the willpower to stop the pleasured moan that broke free from his chest. 

“ _Yes_.” He strung out the word on the last syllable of that moan, feeling himself swell, grinding his hips into the sheets, toward no real purpose. He expected Sirius to freak out about the overt sexual tension, but Sirius’ hand stayed against Remus’ skin. If anything, the pressure he applied doubled.

“And, um,” Sirius said, a catch in his voice as he climbed onto the mattress, the tops of his knees pressed close against Remus’ ribs, and Remus’ heart rate spiked. “This?” Sirius asked, nearly a whisper, bending low over where Remus lay, using both hands to press deep into Remus’ skin.

“ _God_. **_Yes_**.” The growl that escaped his mouth pulled deep from the caverns of his lungs. His eyes rolled back, fluttered closed as he forgot where he was, _who_ he was. He forgot willpower and best friends and boundaries you weren’t supposed to cross. All he knew was that he was heretically attracted to Sirius Black and he wanted to do an infinite number of unspeakably profane things to him.

“Better, Moony?” Sirius exhaled hard, rising onto his knees, working hard at the muscles of Remus’ neck. He seemed to lean further into Remus’ back with every press of his fingers – Remus thought he felt Sirius’ hair brush against his skin, thought he felt Sirius breathe him in. Every wild daydream that Remus had ever entertained about the boy who lived on the other side of the room came roaring into the forefront of his mind, with every obscene detail, until Remus was _writhing_ underneath Sirius’ touch.

As Sirius’ touch eased, panic ignited within Remus’ chest as he plummeted back down to reality, realizing how obvious his lust had to be to Sirius. Before he could try to explain it away, he felt Sirius’ knee press into the mattress on the _other_ side of his hip – Sirius was _straddling_ him. In _bed_.

Sirius’ fingers went straight back to Remus’ spine, moving in tight, leisured circles, widening out over Remus’ back, his fingertips sliding purposefully slow into the curve at Remus’ waist. When Sirius moved his touch over the small of Remus’ back, his warm fingertips worked fiercely into the dimples of Remus’ skin, moving lower, lower. Sirius’ legs tightened around his hips, and Remus was suddenly, wildly aware that Sirius was pressing his crotch into Remus – and he was _hard_.

Mindless, Remus let out a low growl. “Oh, _fuck_ , Sirius,” he mouthed aloud on the sheets underneath his lips, letting his hips arch backward so he could _feel_ Sirius, rigid, aching, pulsing. It was only when Sirius went very still that Remus began to wonder if he was fabricating _everything_.

“Remus,” Sirius said, his grip on Remus’ skin tightening as he leaned further into him, his panted breath falling hot against Remus’ neck, the taste of cigarette smoke puffing down, around into Remus’ mouth. Remus no longer wondered if it was all in his head, as Sirius rotated his hips, and his swollen _cock_ , against Remus. His hands slid out along Remus’ waist, around him, underneath him, and Remus inhaled sharply.

Remus wasn’t thinking – he only knew he wanted Sirius’ hands on every inch of his skin and he knew where Sirius planned to start, and Remus was curving up to let him. Remus would let Sirius do _anything_. Sirius fingered the muscle over Remus’ hipbone, slipping just inside the waist of Remus’ boxers, and Remus curled a fist around the sheets next to his face, biting down, waiting, waiting _,_ silently _begging_ for Sirius to touch him.

Until James and Peter burst loudly into the room, and Sirius panicked, slipping quickly away from Remus and diving into the bathroom before either of them could see the raging hard-on Sirius had for his best friend.

“Remus is a little sore, let him be!” Sirius yelled, almost angrily, and Remus wanted to bury his face in the bed and _scream_. He’d have to cast a thousand Silencing spells on his bed tonight, because there was no doubt that he would be moaning Sirius’ name as he brought himself off later. Especially because, behind the locked bathroom door, right next to Remus’ bed, Remus could hear the sound of skin-against-skin, and Sirius’ uneven breathing, knowing that Sirius was on the other side of the wall, getting off while thinking of _him_.

 

**_ Sirius: How it Began _ **

 

They hadn’t discussed it. Not once. Sirius had begun to wonder if Remus even looked at it the same way he did, he wondered if Remus thought about that day, on those nights when a Silencing spell didn’t feel like it was enough. But they never talked about it. Not once.

There was one thing that Sirius was sure of – Sirius had suspected it for quite some time, but the incident in Remus’ bed had proved it. Sirius was unquestionably attracted to his best friend. First, the dream over the summer, then the way his heart raced when he had put his fingers to Remus’ lips, and then the very physical reaction he’d had to putting his hands on Remus’ skin – it wasn’t something he could ignore anymore.

Remus hadn’t exactly been avoiding him, but Sirius had noticed that every time there was a moment that the two of them could potentially be alone together, Remus found some way to prevent it. Sirius couldn’t blame him, really, after he had gotten insanely turned-on by rubbing Remus down, by his overly guttural moans, by the way he cursed Sirius’ name. In fact, Sirius had to stop thinking about it altogether, as it had crossed his mind once in Potions and he couldn’t get out of his seat for quite a while after the class had ended. He’d pretended that he had a few notes left to write, and Remus had given him a very strange look as Sirius urged the Marauders to go on without him.

There was a new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor (again), and this one was a bloody perfectionist. It didn’t matter that Sirius cast each spell exactly right, or that he always hit his target. To this professor, all that mattered was that Sirius was a _slouch,_ and he wasn’t taking it _seriously enough_. _“This is a matter of life and death, the least you could do is stand up straight!”_

When James suggested that Remus, top of the class in DADA, give Sirius a few pointers on how to impress the professor, Remus looked absolutely ghostly. There was a small window of time where Sirius thought that maybe Remus hadn’t felt him pressed hard against him, but this definitely proved it. Remus knew that Sirius was attracted to him, and that Sirius was prepared to act on it. Nothing would be the same.

No. No, he couldn’t let it happen – he wasn’t going to allow the dissolution of the Marauders over something that happened when he was insatiably horny. That was all it was – it could have been anyone else and Sirius would have reacted the same way. Except, at that point, even _Remus_ knew that wasn’t true. Sirius couldn’t keep it to himself, now that he knew exactly what it was. If Remus breathed out too hard, or bit down on his lip, or loosened his tie, Sirius’ eyes were all over him. His attention was on Remus, _exclusively_.

Still, Sirius couldn’t let this ruin them. If Remus looked this panicked to be left alone with ‘ _Sirius the lecher’_ , then Sirius had to rein it in. Obviously, Sirius had taken advantage of the situation the other day, and he had to do something to salvage their relationship. Whatever it took. He would keep this crush to himself until the grave, if he had to, because he was not going to lose Remus over it.

So, Sirius urged Remus to help him, and Remus gave in surprisingly easy. Maybe he was ready to get over this whole thing, too, just like Sirius was. They couldn’t keep avoiding one another forever.

They found an empty room – Sirius thought it was best not to be in the dorm, not to be in the room where all this awkwardness began. James and Peter were off stalking Lily Evans and her group of friends, leaving Remus and Sirius alone. Sirius knew it would be a struggle to keep his hands to himself.

It began clumsily enough – both boys fumbling over themselves in an effort not to touch each other or say anything with any vague innuendos. But it soon passed, and the two boys were back to the way Sirius thought it should be – Moony and Padfoot, best friends, Marauders.

“You’re close,” Remus said, his index finger to his lips as he studied Sirius’ posture, trying to figure out what it was that he wasn’t doing perfectly right. “But you’re still slouching.”

“I am not!” Sirius whined, his shoulder slumping.

“You’re definitely slouching now,” Remus laughed, and Sirius felt that _feeling_ , the twinge in his gut – the one he felt when Remus smiled, when Remus laughed, when Remus _breathed_.

“Fine, tell me what to do,” Sirius said, clearing his throat, trying to forget how familiar and comfortable and pleasant that twinge was beginning to feel. Remus stepped close, placing his hands on either side of Sirius’ left shoulder, front and back, and Sirius tried to silence his pounding heart.

 

“Shoulders aligned with your hips.” Remus drew an invisible line from the curve of Sirius’ shoulder down to his hip bone, not missing a single thread of fabric in between.

 

“Don’t just move your shoulders back, put your chest out.” Remus put a steady hand against Sirius’ chest, the other pressing firm against the center of his spine. Sirius swallowed silently, glancing over at Remus and noticing that Remus’ eyes were darting around Sirius’ face.

 

“Step out with your right foot,” he continued softly, sliding his foot between Sirius’ legs and tapping at the back of Sirius’ heel with the toe of his shoe. When Sirius slid his foot forward, Remus didn’t move an inch, and Sirius’ crotch pressed firmly against Remus’ thigh. Remus didn’t even pretend _not_ to notice. Instead, he glanced down, and leaned further in, watching Sirius’ expression, watching Sirius’ breathing become unmistakably ragged the further Remus deliberately _unsettled_ him. Remus’ breaths remained calm and controlled, but Sirius could see the increased pulsing of the veins that ran along Remus’ throat through the open collar of his shirt, and Sirius had never in his life wanted to put his mouth on anything so badly. Except that _other_ part of Remus’ anatomy that Sirius found himself dreaming about putting his mouth on.

 

“Put all your weight in your center.” The hand that was on Sirius’ upper back slid down, just above his belt, and began moving out, around to his hip, where Remus’ thumb began to absently stroke over Sirius’ jutting hipbone. “This … is your center.” Remus’ eyes were fixed on the movement of his fingers, dipping just into the waist of Sirius’ trousers at his hip. Finally, Remus dared to glance up at Sirius to find that Sirius was already fixated on him. Sirius darted his tongue out, just barely moving toward Remus, when the door to the room opened. At first, Remus didn’t break his gaze, didn’t retract from their entwined position at all, but when James spoke, he moved away.

“Any progress?” James asked, oblivious to the mood of the room.

“What do you think?” Remus asked with an arrogant grin, looking proudly at Sirius, standing with perfect defensive posture. James nodded, impressed.

“Well done, Moony!” he laughed, slapping him hard on the back. Remus’ grin turned sheepish as he lowered his head, glancing up at Sirius through his eyelashes. Sirius forgot he wasn’t breathing.

 

The awkwardness was entirely gone. It was replaced by something altogether different. Remus no longer shied away from Sirius’ touch, and he no longer shied away from touching in return. It was quite the opposite – he found reasons to touch Sirius more and more frequently. Not enough that anyone else would notice, but enough that Sirius began to look forward to them. The squeeze on his shoulder to get him to pay attention in class, the nudge of his elbow as they walked together behind James and Peter, the brush against his thigh as they squashed together in a chair in the Common Room that should have really only fit one of them. 

They began spending more time in tutoring sessions, away from James and Peter. Remus touched Sirius in different ways to move him in the position he wanted him to be in, but Sirius once caught him blushing, after he had stared a little too long. The only problem was that Sirius had no idea if this meant they had gotten over the awkward phase and were back to normal, or if Remus found he liked the idea of getting Sirius alone for the same reason that Sirius liked it.

This went on for _weeks_ – Sirius and Remus sneaking off and testing the borders of their friendship under the guise of “tutoring.” The ways in which Remus touched him grew bolder – trailing his fingers down Sirius’ neck to get him to turn his head or sliding his hands down Sirius’ thighs when he needed to bend his knees more or slipping his fingers into Sirius’ belt to pull his hips forward. Once, Sirius deliberately didn’t wear boxers so that Remus would slide his fingers underneath Sirius’ belt to find nothing but bare skin, and when he did, the look on his face had Sirius wondering if Remus would bend him over a desk _right then_. He might would have, if James and Peter didn’t always find the worst moments to interrupt.

Of course, all the touching had Sirius _hard_ , more often than not, and it was often abundantly clear. Remus never failed to notice, and eventually, stopped blushing when he stared a little too long. At some point, Remus’ expression was the opposite of blushing – it was almost explicit enough to make _Sirius_ blush. He licked his lips, bit down on them, worried them, like he needed something to occupy his mouth because Sirius thought that otherwise, Remus might drop to his knees and pull Sirius into his throat. Sirius wanted to beg him to.

Because Sirius was on the absolute brink of destruction. The knowledge that Remus definitely returned the wildly inappropriate feelings he was having proved to be too much. He needed to try the limit, he needed to push the boundary, but he didn’t have an excuse to touch Remus, in the ways that Remus did. Instead, he decided he needed to taste Remus with his own lips. First, Remus’ lips – and then Sirius would spread his mouth over Remus like a virus, tasting every single piece of him, until Remus trembled underneath him.   

Sirius started offering to help Remus on his prefect rounds, if for no other reason than to get him alone that much more often, in a place where nobody would know they were there. Each night, he told himself he was going to do it – he would push Remus into a dark corner and snog him brainless. And each night, something happened to foil his plan. That night was no different – Filch had seen them together and shouted at Sirius, who wasn’t supposed to be out of bed at that hour.

“Run,” Remus whispered, his cheeks suddenly flushed, as he grabbed Sirius by the hand and pulled him down the nearest hall. The Marauders knew the castle better than anyone – better than Filch, even. They knew every unused room, every secret passage. One such passage was exactly where Remus was taking them, and Sirius knew this was the chance he had been waiting for.

“Moony.” Sirius stopped at the entrance to the passage, but Remus put his hand over Sirius’ mouth and pushed him backward into the dark tunnel. This particular secret corridor was only wide enough for one person to fit through at a time, and when Remus pushed them both in, with the wall closing behind them, they were shoved together, with nothing between them.

Remus’ hand was still over Sirius’ lips. “Don’t make a sound,” he instructed, and Sirius sighed – this wasn’t the moment he’d been waiting for. He couldn’t even kiss Remus right now if he tried – both his hands were pinned to his sides (or Remus’, they were so close, he could hardly tell whose trousers his fingers were resting on), and he couldn’t move enough to remove Remus’ hand from his mouth. Not to mention, it was pitch black in this tunnel, and in their position, neither of them could reach their own wand. He didn’t even know where Remus’ mouth would be to kiss it.

Before he could speak again, Remus’ hand slipped off from Sirius’ lips, sliding across his jaw and wrapping around his neck. The pounding in Sirius’ heart was from more than just running. But he couldn’t be sure of Remus’ intentions – he could just absently have moved his hand to let Sirius breathe, he could be facing the closed wall, listening for a sign of Filch chasing them. He could be … pressing his soft, warm lips to Sirius’, moving his other hand up Sirius’ hip. In surprise, Sirius retracted.

“Sirius, I’m so sorry,” Remus began, breathless as ever, as he tried to explain. “I thought you … in my bed that time, and with the lessons, I just …” Sirius shut him up by covering Remus’ lips with his own.

“Moony, I’ve been waiting for this,” Sirius breathed out for a moment, before their lips came crashing back together, Sirius’ tongue pushing past Remus’ teeth, his hands working up, underneath the hem of Remus’ jumper. As Sirius’ fingertips touched Remus’ bare waist, they both moaned.

“I’ve waited, too. God, for so long, Pads,” Remus whispered into Sirius’ mouth. “I thought I had scared you off, that time when I said your name, and I …”

“Say it again, Remus,” Sirius demanded, his fingers skittering across the top of Remus’ belt, moving his wet, open lips down his neck, sliding his tongue over every scar he could feel.

“Sirius,” Remus exhaled heavily, and Sirius felt a hitch in his breathing, a twitch in his cock.

“Not quite,” Sirius clarified, pressing his hips hard against Remus’, shoving him further into the wall and, for the first time, feeling that Remus was just as aroused as he was. He gripped Remus’ hips, angling his hips against him and grinding their hardening cocks against each other through their trousers.

“Oh, _fuck_ , Sirius,” Remus repeated the phrase that had gotten them into this mess, in the same desperate, breathless way that he had said it the first time. Sirius’ cock responded the same.

“For fuck’s sake, Moony,” Sirius growled into his ear, panting hard as he fumbled with Remus’ belt buckle. “I thought I had scared _you_ off that day.”

“What?” Remus huffed, working on Sirius’ belt just as impatiently. “Why?”

“Do you mean to tell me you really couldn’t feel how hard you made me with all your moaning?” Sirius scoffed. “I was straddling you, Remus. A little longer and I would’ve had your cock in my hand.”  

“I thought it was wishful thinking,” he laughed, and Sirius captured that laugh in his mouth, slipping his fingers into Remus’ open trousers, cupping him in his open hand, through Remus’ boxers. He breathed out Sirius’ name again, leaning his head back on the wall. Sirius took this opportunity to let his lips travel down Remus’ throat, reveling in the salty taste of his sweat, and the sweetness of Remus’ skin.

“You have no idea how many times I got off to you saying my name that way.” Sirius’ deep voice rumbled in the darkness, as Remus pulled Sirius’ pants down his hips, taking Sirius’ naked cock into his hand and letting out a satisfied little hitch. Sirius breathed in sharply at the touch of Remus’ fingers, warmer and softer than he remembered them being – the breath fell out in a desperate sort of groan.

“Probably as many times as I got off to the way you said mine afterward,” Remus admitted, moving Sirius’ hand inside the elastic of his own shorts, much to Sirius’ delight. With Remus’ bare, throbbing skin in his hand, the weight of Sirius’ lips against Remus’ intensified.

“Oh? How did I say it exactly?” Sirius teased, moving Remus’ boxers out of the way, and angling his hips toward him – as soon as their bare skin made contact, both of them breathed out, in synchrony. Sirius was surprised when Remus hissed an unknown spell and they were suddenly slick against one another.

“It was soft,” Remus said, gripping his fingers around them and pushing in, toward Sirius. The sound from Sirius’ throat was nearly a yell. “And deep, and full of breath, and there was the lingering scent of your cigarettes in the air. Your hands were like fire on my skin. Oh, _fuck_ ,” Remus muttered, thrusting his hips harder and faster, as Sirius curled his fist into the folds of Remus’ jumper.

“Christ, I love it when you say that,” Sirius moaned, wrapping one hand over Remus’ fingers that encircled their slick cocks, as they rocked them back and forth against each other.

Remus leaned forward and pressed his lips to Sirius’ ear. “Fuck, fuck, _fuck_ ,” he panted, pressing his forehead to Sirius’ temple, leaving Sirius to bite down onto Remus’ scruffy jawline, to keep his heavy breathing from turning into shouting. “Sirius, I’m going to come.” Remus’ breath staggered from his lips.

“Oh, gods, yes, Remus,” Sirius groaned, finding Remus’ lips in the dark and sliding his tongue deep into the other boy’s throat. Remus made a soft, pleased, whimpering sound into Sirius’ mouth, just as Sirius came all over their hands, body shuddering. The warmth of Sirius’ release and the clenching of his fist around them had Remus repeating Sirius’ name over and over as he slipped over the edge, adding to the mess splattered across their joined hands. Remus let out a long, heavy breath – Sirius felt him fall back against the wall, his cock still twitching in Sirius’ hand, and Sirius would’ve started again, if he hadn’t just come so devastatingly hard.

For several long seconds, they stood there, still holding each other, still joined by their mess, panting heavily in the darkness. Remus’ fingers slipped around Sirius’s waist and pulled Sirius’ wand out of his back pocket, whispering a spell that suddenly cleared everything away. Again, it was silent, except for the sounds of fumbling hands trying to put everything back into its place. And then they stood in the dark corridor, leaving Sirius to wonder what exactly this had meant for the two of them.

“Does this …” Remus began to say, but Sirius interrupted him quickly.

“Moony, I’m …” Sirius started to tell Remus that he loved him, that there had always been a part of Sirius that was in love with him, and he never knew what it was until now. But he stopped. For all he knew, it was a one-time thing – something that they did to release the tension between them, and it would never happen again. When he thought about that, his chest burned, it got hard to breathe.

Whatever this was didn’t matter. Maybe Remus was just toying with him – touching and kissing and teasing until Sirius was desperate for him. Maybe Remus had the same ache somewhere deep in his chest, like Sirius did for him. Maybe Remus just wanted to be well fucked. It didn’t matter which one it was. Sirius would take anything he could get. If it meant he could hold Remus, know the taste of his tongue, memorize the pattern of his scars, turn him into a whimpering puddle with just his voice – he’d take _anything_.

He started again. “I’m starving.” Remus laughed so loud, Sirius thought Filch would hear.

 

**_ How it began: Remus _ **

 

They had gotten off to such a fast start, Remus didn’t know where there was left to go. And they hadn’t had a moment alone since to talk about it. At the time, Remus wanted to tell him that he was hopelessly in love with him – that he’d always been in love with him. But it seemed too rushed, and he still didn’t know if Sirius necessarily felt the same, or if Sirius had just been desperate to get off. Though, that seemed unlikely, Sirius Black would never be desperate for sex in his life – people of both genders would line up to do it.

Finally, James and Peter went off to stalk Lily Evans, leaving Sirius and Remus alone together for the first time in several days. Unsure how to bring it up, Remus remained in his bed, lying there with a book that he hadn’t been able to focus on in hours, because he was too busy thinking about Sirius – his fingers buried in Remus’ hair, his lips sucking softly under Remus’ jaw, how manic he got just hearing Remus curse.

In fact, over these last few days, Remus had been trying to provoke a reaction from Sirius – something that told him it hadn’t been a fluke, that they _hadn’t_ gotten each other off in nothing but a hormone-frenzy, that it meant as much to Sirius as it had to Remus. They shared glances, but it wasn’t enough.

 

_Anyone else would have thought it too subtle, but Remus had been hoping that the message would come across. They had all been in the Common Room together, all working on a ridiculous assignment about Grindylows. Sirius was sitting rather close to him, which hadn’t been unusual before, anyway. As Remus was writing, he pushed his quill down hard, blotting ink all over the page._

_“Fuck,” he’d muttered softly – just loud enough for Sirius, and Sirius alone, to hear him. Instantly, Sirius’ eyes were on him, and as Remus glanced over, Sirius swallowed hard, pulling his bottom lip into his teeth._

_“Fuck,” Sirius repeated, long and quiet and slow, his eyes scouring over every inch of Remus’ skin that wasn’t covered, and some that_ was _, his chest heaving with uneven breath. They stared for so long – just the look in Sirius’ eyes had Remus hard and aching. But James spoke, and it all broke apart. Though, Sirius had kept his parchment over his lap the rest of the evening.  And once, just once, Sirius’ fingers had found Remus’ hand, where it rested on the squashy chair between them, giving it a delicate squeeze._

 

As soon as James and Peter were gone, it was quiet – Remus had begun to wonder if Sirius was already asleep. For a moment, he placed his book over his face, trying to slow his breathing, so he could get up the courage to go to the bed across the room and ask Sirius what he was trying to do to him.

Before he could, he heard, “Hey.” Remus pulled the book down, peering over the edge. Sirius stood there, leaning against the same post of his bed that he had leaned on when this all started.

“Hey, yourself.” His voice mumbled by the pages, a single eyebrow raised.

“Can you do me a favor?” For a moment, Remus’ heart sank – Sirius didn’t have any intention of picking up where they left off, despite the overwhelming reaction he’d had the other night.

“Sure,” Remus agreed, trying not to let a sigh creep into his voice.

Sirius’ chest rose deeply. “Say it again.”

Remus’ chest tightened. “Say _what_ again?” he asked innocently. A dark eyebrow rose high on Sirius’ face as he rolled himself off the post, sauntering dangerously toward Remus.

“You know what I mean, Moony.” His voice was deep, dark, ruined with lust. Remus sat up, kneeling on the edge of his bed – he was already taller than Sirius, this put Sirius’ face right at his chest. Remus curled a finger underneath Sirius’ chin, lifting his eyes to look at him.

Slowly, Remus leaned down, placing his lips right against Sirius’ ear, breathing out heavy, and letting his hand spread across Sirius’ neck. He took Sirius’ earlobe into his teeth, letting out a slow moan, in the shape of Sirius’ favorite word. “ _Fuck_ ,” he puffed into Sirius’ ear.

“God _dammit_ , Moony,” Sirius growled, turning his face and burying his tongue into Remus’ mouth, pushing him back onto his bed. Remus’ neck craned over the edge of the bed as Sirius’ lips spread downward, his fingers pushing underneath the hem of Remus’ sweater.

“I’d thought maybe you’d forgotten,” Remus breathed out, half-sarcastic, heat falling hard into his stomach, where Sirius’ hands were covering every inch of bare skin they could touch.

“Forgotten?” Sirius balked, not removing his face from where it was buried in the crook of Remus’ neck, slipping his hands past the waist of Remus’ trousers. “Moony, it’s all I think about. Just a loop of you saying the word _‘fuck’_ over and over and over. I need more. I need you to say more.” Sirius pushed Remus’ sweater off over his head, taking a moment to let his eyes travel over his bare chest.

“More?” Remus asked, breathlessly.

“More, Moony. Say anything. Fucking anything,” he growled into Remus’ skin, biting down onto Remus’ collarbone, eliciting a soft hiss from behind Remus’ clenched teeth.

He said the first thing on his mind. “Sirius, I want you to suck me off.” He said it quickly, as if he were afraid that Sirius would be disgusted by the idea. Instead, Sirius looked up at him, his lips now pressed to his chest, and the silver in his eyes swirled like a hurricane.

“Holy _fuck_ , Moony,” he breathed out, pressing himself hard against Remus’ leg. “Tell me _exactly_ how you want it.” Sirius dragged his tongue across Remus’ nipple. The muscles in his stomach twitched.

“It doesn’t matter. As long as my cock is between your teeth.” Remus’ voice was a little more demanding – Sirius dug his fingernails into Remus’ ribs in response, his lips working their way down his chest.

“Yes. _God, yes,_ ” Sirius moaned, his hands quickly tearing Remus’ belt from its loops, and pulling Remus’ trousers down his hips, his boxers next, until he laid completely bare underneath Sirius.

In the passage, it had been too dark for either of them to see – they could only touch, could only hear, could only _feel_. But now – now Remus was lying naked underneath his best friend, and Sirius was absolutely drinking him in, letting his eyes and his hands move over everything in their path.

Sirius swallowed hard, “Jesus. You’re …” he paused, his tongue dragging obscenely over his top lip, and Remus’ skin suddenly felt hot. “You’re … you’re fucking textbook, Moony.” Remus rose an eyebrow, and Sirius’ breathing only became that much more uncontrolled.

“Sirius, you’ve seen me naked a hundred times,” Remus reminded him of their time in the Shack, when Remus came down from transformations. Sirius shook his head, his hands following the curves of Remus’ hips.

“Not like this. Not when it was for _me_ ,” he grinned, before biting down hard onto his lip, the touch of his hands spreading lower down Remus’ sides. “You’re so … different when it’s for me.”

His finger fell on a particularly long scar at Remus’ hip – it stretched all the way around Remus’ waist, ending just underneath his hip bone, above the crease of Remus’ leg. He let his finger follow it all the way down, and Remus couldn’t help but arch into his touch. As he reached the end of the scar, he let his fingers brush along Remus’ bare length – Remus couldn’t stifle the tremble that spread through him, or the noise that tore from his lungs, somewhere between breathing and choking. Sirius lowered his head, brushing his lips to the tip of Remus’ cock.

“ _Padfoot_ ,” Remus let out a heavy breath, balling a fist into the sheets, as Sirius’ lips spread out over his head, and Remus was suddenly overwhelmed at the situation he found himself in. This was his best friend.

 

 _This is Sirius._ _Sirius Black is about to blow me._

For a moment, Sirius’ lips were removed, and Remus whimpered, quite helplessly, at the emptiness left behind, but Sirius’ teeth went quickly to Remus’ hipbone – sucking _hard._ Remus let out a stimulated yelp, and Sirius looked up, grey eyes dancing underneath long, dark lashes.

“So you don’t think I’ve forgotten next time,” he grinned, placing a soft kiss over the dark mark he left on Remus’ skin, trailing those kisses back toward Remus’ prick. Before Remus could even take in a breath, Sirius had taken him into his mouth, into the back of his throat. The sounds ripped from Remus’ lungs were practically shouting, and he didn’t even think about a Silencing spell, about whether anyone would hear.

Sirius pursed his lips. “Talk to me, Moony,” he hummed, swirling his tongue around the head of Remus’ cock. “I fucking _love it_ when you talk to me.” Then he plunged him back down.

Remus was at a total loss for words, but he could think of one. Just one. “Fuck, fuck, _fuck, **fuck** ,_” he moaned, burying his fingers into Sirius’ hair. The pressure of Sirius’ mouth magnified, and Remus couldn’t stop himself from bucking his hips up to crash into Sirius’ mouth. His words decayed into mumbled swearing, and Sirius hummed deeply, Remus still buried in his throat, gripping tightly onto his hips. His hands migrated, wrapping around the backs of Remus’ thighs, pulling them open wide. Sirius nestled further in, letting his hands explore every inch of previously hidden skin. One hand slipped in between Remus’ legs, underneath him, and Sirius paused for a moment to look up at him, questioning with his eyes and tracing the tip of his finger around the circular muscle. Pupils blown, jaw slack – Remus could only nod.

Quickly, Sirius mumbled a wandless spell, sending a chill deep into Remus’ gut, and Remus became quite stimulated with the knowledge that Sirius had researched this _specific_ type of spell. Sirius plunged his finger deep into his mouth, treating it as indecently as he’d been treating Remus, which he returned to, promptly afterward. Still bobbing on Remus’ cock, he slipped his fingers back underneath Remus – first teasing him open. The scoured cold in Remus’ gut was immediately replaced by heat, he felt it surge as he arched his hips to let Sirius further in. Sirius obliged, slowly pushing in and pulling out, then matching it to the rhythm of his mouth. Remus was reduced to a throbbing, quivering, swearing mess.

“Sirius, **_Sirius_** ,” His voice was a near howl, his hips thrusting in time with Sirius’ movement and Sirius hummed delightedly, his eyes fluttering closed. “Fuck me, I’m … yes, Sirius, _yes. God, yes_.” Remus spilled out into Sirius’ mouth, clenching his fist into Sirius’ hair as he came, collapsing exhausted onto the bed.

“Jesus, _fuck_ , Moony,” Sirius said, breathless and awestruck, falling onto Remus’ chest. “I could come just watching _you_ come.” Remus rolled his head, looking down at Sirius. He turned, sliding his hand down Sirius’ waist, over his crotch, fingering the shape of Sirius through his trousers.

“Or you could teach me that spell and I can _make_ you come.” Remus pushed his tongue into Sirius’ ear.

“ _Moony,_ ” Sirius breathed out.


	3. A story for the grandchildren.

**_ James: Present _ **

 

“I think we need to talk,” Lily said, eyes wide, and James swallowed hard, mirroring her expression. The look on her face was either shock or terror. Or both. Whatever it was, it made James forget, for just a moment, how close she really was. As soon as he noticed, he sat back in the chair, trying as best he could to let out the nervous breath he suddenly realized he had been holding. Lily pretended she hadn’t seen it, but James took note of how her eyes suddenly seemed to travel over his face, and how quickly she overcorrected for it.

“About what?” he asked, clearing his throat. Since when was Lily Evans nervous around him?

Lily paused, as if planning her thoughts. “Actually, I don’t think it’s my place to tell you.”  

“What?” James laughed, furrowing his eyebrows in amused confusion. “Then why tell me at all?”

“Because it would be _extremely_ relevant to you!” she stated, through clenched teeth, as if trying to make him understand how vital the information was that she possessed. James pulled his lips into his teeth, a smile still tugging at the corners of his mouth. It was odd that Lily’s eyes were drawn to it.

“How do you suggest we get around this predicament?” he asked, closing one eye as he looked at her, and he could have sworn that the most ephemeral blush bloomed across her freckled cheeks.

“I want to help you,” she said quickly, as if to distract them both from it. “With Remus and Sirius.”

Whatever smile had been present on James’ face dissipated, his jaw clenched. It was all James could do not to go racing after them, to stop them from killing each other. Still, it was odd that this was the exact thing he was going to ask her to do the very next time he saw her. “Got any bright ideas?”

Again, she paused, and her expression was hysterical – she was either on the verge of laughter or she was hiding a deep irritation. In either case, James was lost to the reason.

“I don’t think it’ll take much,” she finally said, with a short, stifled laugh that she tried to pretend had been a catch in her voice, because she cleared her throat quickly afterward. James’ eyes narrowed at her.

“Oh-kay?” The words drew out in a show of his acknowledgement of her strange behavior.

“Just meet me tomorrow morning in the Common Room and we’ll get it sorted.”

“Whatever you say,” he agreed with a shrug. But Lily didn’t leave, as he expected. When he looked over the tops of his glasses at her, she gave a sudden start, her green eyes wide.

“Right, then. Tomorrow,” she stammered, giving a forced smile before walking toward the door. “Oh, by the way,” she caught herself on the doorway, leaning back inside, her red hair cascading across one shoulder. “I wouldn’t go back to your dorms just yet.” James opened his mouth to clarify, but she interrupted him quickly. “Just trust me.”  As soon as she was gone, Peter was quick to take her place at James’ side.

“Is it me …” Peter began. “Or has someone Polyjuiced Evans?” James laughed loudly.

“Definitely weird, mate,” he grinned, clapping Peter on the shoulder, and corralling him back toward the party, which was rapidly dissolving, without the rumor-machines (Sirius and Remus) there to gawk at.

 

He hadn’t exactly heeded Lily’s warning about going to the dorms. Why would he? That entire encounter had made very little sense. Telling him they needed to talk about something she couldn’t even tell him? Offering to help fix the rift between Sirius and Remus? Peter was right – something was off with her.

When he walked into the room, the lights were dimmed. Sirius’ bed was empty, but the curtains were pulled on Remus’ four-poster. Everything was quiet – he was almost sure Remus was asleep. Until ruffling of the curtains suggested otherwise – and James desperately wanted to know what happened with Sirius.

“Moony?” James called softly, starting to pull back the burgundy curtains at Remus’ bed, but Remus’ hand darted out quickly and prevented him from getting very far.

“James,” he said, sounding rather exerted, his freckled, pink face poking from the curtains, along with one bare shoulder. He let out a short breath, smiling tensely. “Hi.” His curly hair was abnormally disheveled, much more so than it had been at the party, even after his fight with Sirius. Still, there was something strange in his expression – like he hadn’t a care in the world. Why were all of his friends acting so strange all of a sudden?

“Uh, hi,” James looked at Remus out of the corner of his eye. “Are you alright?”

“Never better,” Remus said, a little too quickly, his grip tightening on the curtain. If it had been Sirius, James would’ve thought he was having a wank. But Remus? He hadn’t been with a girl in the entire time James had known him – hadn’t even seemed interested in one. James wasn’t sure Remus had ever been interested in anything of the sort. With anyone. Still, that would fit their bizarre interaction, thus far – the disarray in Remus’ appearance, how tightly he stopped James from pulling back the curtain to his bed. Even if he were just naked, it’s not like it wasn’t something James saw every month after a full moon.

 Lately, it had seemed like Remus wasn't quite himself. Especially not the fighting. If anything, he was acting more impulsively, the way Sirius usually did. At the thought of Sirius, James took in a deep breath, and was surprised to be greeted by the specific scent of Sirius’ cigarettes.

“Are you smoking?” he asked Remus in confusion.

“Yes.” Remus’ reply was short, almost tense.

“I didn’t know you smoked,” James prodded, and Remus’ eyes softened, just a bit.

“Sometimes it helps,” he said, looking knowingly at James, and James nodded with a sigh. It was fairly soon after a moon, after all. He couldn’t blame Remus for using what worked – smoking, getting off, whatever it was. As James was about to offer to get anything – snacks, more of Sirius’ cigarettes, a magazine, a bottle of firewhisky – Remus spoke. “Did you need something, Prongs?”

“It’s just that … that fight, between you and Sirius. It sounded rather bad.” The curtain wavered under Remus’ fingers as Remus chewed on his bottom lip, nodding slightly.

“It was. Quite a fight.” Remus cleared his throat. “We had a few more blows, it came to a head,” he continued, his upper lip curling just slightly as he spoke, “But it’s, uh … Rome wasn’t built in a day, as it goes.”

James nodded, looking at Remus from the corner of his eye before glancing over toward Sirius’ empty bed. “Don’t suppose you know where he went then?” James gestured toward Sirius’ side of the room.

Remus paused, words on the edge of his lips. “I think he’s blowing off steam somewhere.”

“Right,” James huffed, worrying his bottom lip. “Thanks, Moony.”

“Anytime, Prongs.” Remus went to shut his curtains, but James turned back to him.

“It’s not right, you know,” he said, catching Remus’ eye. “This thing between you and Sirius.”

James swore he saw a smile on Remus’ lips. “You have no idea how right you are, mate.” 

 

**_ Remus _ **

 

Remus had been about to tell him, just before he came. He was going to tell Sirius that he loved him, that he’d been in love with him for longer than should have been right. More importantly, he was pretty sure that Sirius knew he had been about to say it, and that Sirius had seemed interested to hear it.

Still, he no longer felt that crushing need to say it out loud. Sirius laid in his arms, a cigarette between his lips – sweaty, and naked, and well-fucked – and Remus was sure Sirius knew. Honestly, Remus was even sure that if he had said it, that Sirius would have said it right back. Knowing that was almost enough.

With his lips buried in Sirius’ dark hair, Sirius’ greedy fingers slithering down Remus’ abdomen again, and Remus absolutely letting him, the curtains began to separate.

“Moony?” James called. Remus moved faster than he thought possible, grabbing James’ hand, and preventing him from seeing his two best mates naked in bed with each other. Sirius quickly spelled away his cigarette and the evidence of it, but it might’ve been too late.

“James,” Remus said, unable to keep the breathlessness from his voice, and knowing he looked much the same as Sirius did – like he just had the best shag of his life. Remus tried to curl the curtain in tight around him, so that James wouldn’t be able to see in. “Hi.”

“Uh, hi,” James said, raising his eyebrow and Remus pursed his lips. It was too obvious. “You alright?”

“Never better,” Remus quipped, his fingers white with tension on the red curtain. James definitely knew something was up – if Remus was lucky, maybe James would just think he was bringing himself off and not that Sirius had taken care of it for him. There was a tense moment of silent, before James made a face.

“Are you smoking?” he finally asked, getting a whiff of the leftover smoke from Sirius’ cigarette.

Remus ground his teeth. “Yes,” was all he said, leaving James to eye him suspiciously.

“I didn’t know you smoked.”

“Sometimes it helps,” Remus said flatly, and James nodded. Honestly, with the Marauders, Remus could contribute anything to his lycanthropy, and they would be sickeningly understanding of it.

Of course, leave it to Sirius, just then, to slide his hand up the backside of Remus’ thigh. Remus was sure he wore a telling expression, because James looked curiously at him for quite a while. And Sirius’ fingers kept covering more skin. Remus spoke, his voice cracking. “Did you need something, Prongs?” He was sure his voice sounded irritated and impatient, but he couldn’t help that it was directed at the person _in_ his bed, not beside.

“It’s just that …” he paused, and Remus swallowed as Sirius slipped his hand between Remus’ legs, finding Remus’ cock. Remus’ hips jerked slightly in response, as James continued, oblivious. “That fight, between you and Sirius. It sounded rather bad.” Sirius’ hand began to pump him, Remus bit down on his lip.

“It was. Quite a fight,” he said, his voice breaking, and he tried to clear his throat to cover it. “We had a few more blows, it came to a head.” Sirius stifled a laugh, and Remus nearly kicked him, if not for the fist he had around Remus’ cock. “But it’s, uh, Rome wasn’t built in a day, as it goes.”

James still watched him curiously, glancing between his bed and Sirius’. Remus swallowed hard as James turned back to him. “Don’t suppose you know where he went then?” He nodded to Sirius’ bed.

Remus opened his mouth, a thousand things to say. “I think he’s blowing off steam somewhere.”

“If anybody was _blowing_ off anything, it was _you_ ,” Sirius quipped quietly, pressing his lips low against the small of Remus’ back, and Remus couldn’t stop the shiver that ran down his spine.

“Right. Thanks, Moony.” James finally started to retreat.

“Anytime, Prongs.” Remus went to close the curtain and pay Sirius back for the things he’d done, when James turned, speaking again. Sirius practically giggled at Remus’ fluster.

“It’s not right, you know,” James said, looking over the tops of his glasses at Remus. “This thing between you and Sirius.” Sirius began to shake beneath him, and Remus knew he had buried his face in the bed to hide his uncontrollable laughter. Remus pursed his lips, glancing back at Sirius’ bare arse on his bed.

“You have no idea how right you are, mate,” he grumbled. As soon as the curtain was closed, and the Silencing charm was restored, both boys turned, and Remus ended up straddling Sirius.

“You think this is wrong, you and me?” Sirius asked playfully, but Remus could see the worry behind his grey eyes. Remus rolled his eyes, quite dramatically, to prove how ridiculous it was, but then smiled.

“Oh, it’s _very_ wrong, Sirius,” he growled seductively, and Sirius rose a brow. “The things I do to you are very, very wrong.” Sirius bit down on his bottom lip, sliding his hands up Remus’ chest.

“Can’t be,” he grinned. “Cause it feels very, very right.” Remus licked his lips.  

 

**_ Sirius _ **

 

At some hour of the early morning, Sirius realized, quite abruptly, that he’d fallen asleep in Remus’ bed, and he was suddenly very grateful that the sun hadn’t yet come up. After some difficulty locating his boxers from the folds of Remus’ sheets, Sirius brushed a kiss against Remus’ lips and began the trek over the creaking floorboards back to his own bed, all the way across the room. He’d made it halfway, before …

“Padfoot?” Sirius heard, and he ground his teeth.

“Go back to sleep, Wormtail,” he shushed, and he caught a glimpse of the shimmering of Peter’s eyes in the darkness. They stood in a deadlock for a while, and Sirius was cursing under his breath.

“Are you just getting back?” Peter asked with a yawn.

Sirius let out a breath. “Yes,” he lied. “Now, go back to sleep.”

“James is going to interrogate you tomorrow, you know that.”

“Yes.” Sirius pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m quite aware.”

“Well, night, Pads.” Sirius took a deep breath, knowing that James was likely awake for that entire interaction. In fact, he was likely awake long before Peter was – Sirius just hoped he hadn’t been awake long enough to realize that he never heard their door opening in the first place.

“Night, Pete.”

 

As Peter predicted, the next morning was complete chaos. And as Sirius predicted, James was awake for the entire conversation he’d had with Peter the night before. He even went so far as to praise Sirius’ sneaking, because he _‘hadn’t even heard the door open,_ ’ which Sirius found bloody hilarious.

“Well, who is she?” James prodded, turning Sirius’ face back and forth, examining the marks scattered across his neck. Sirius smiled – Remus probably would have been a little more careful if he knew the work of his mouth was going to be so thoroughly studied the next day. “She’s one hell of a kisser, I take it.”

The grin on Sirius’ face was unbridled. “Oh, one hell of a kisser, definitely.” He glanced over at Remus’ bed, but the curtains were still drawn. Sirius wondered if he was awake, if he could hear this, if he was in there suffocating from how hard he was trying to keep his laughter down.

“Did you shag her?” Peter asked, and Sirius cringed at the way he asked it, but he smirked regardless, and summoned his cigarettes from his bedside table. He lit one, lifting his head to blow the silver smoke toward the ceiling, in a slow purse of his lips.

“Oh, no, mate. _I_ was the one getting shagged. Quite an animal, that one.” He glanced over at James and Peter, who were not reading into his phrasing in the least, and he took another long drag on his smoke. Just as he started to exhale, he saw Remus peeking from the curtains of his bed, giving him a surreptitious wink. The width of Sirius’ face couldn’t even contain his smile, his cheeks burned with it, stretched as far as they’d go.

“Look at you,” Peter said, in astonishment. “You’re smiling like an idiot.”

“Oh my God, Wormtail,” James laughed. “Our little Padfoot has grown up and fallen in love.”

“I think I have,” Sirius agreed softly, catching James’ gaze, which had gone maudlin. With a smile, James wrapped his hand around Sirius’ neck and pulled him in, placing their foreheads together.

“I’m so happy for you, mate,” he grinned, patting Sirius’ cheek. Sirius let his eyes drift close, remembering every reason he was grateful to have James Potter. Remus was the love of his life, but _James_ would always be his first home. James would always be that boy who told Sirius on their first train into Hogwarts that they would be friends no matter which house Sirius got sorted into, and maybe Sirius didn’t _have_ to be put in Slytherin, if he didn’t want to be. James would always be the boy racing toward the fireplace in the middle of the night when Sirius Floo’ed in, unannounced and panicked and bloody because his family had violently disowned him. It hadn’t mattered, in the end, because James was there. 

 “So, who’s the lucky lass?” Peter asked.

Sirius pulled away, running his fingers through his hair. “You already know who it is, actually.”

“What?” James shouted. “Is it Marlene?” Sirius rolled his eyes, letting out a groan. “Well, who then?”

“I’ll give you a hint. Dirty-blonde hair, rather curly, eyes like the bloody sun, all warm and golden …” Just as Sirius began to drift off, the curtains of Remus’ bed were ripped open.

“Could you all shut up?” Remus half-shouted, his dirty-blonde hair tousled, his golden eyes dark, and, most importantly, a rather large hickey at the base of his neck. James and Peter went silent. Sirius bit his lip.

“Moony,” Peter said, his eyes wide. “You too?” Remus went still, jaw clenched.

“Me too, what?” he asked, panic in his expression, because Sirius knew he _had_ heard their conversation, and he knew exactly what it meant. That he and Sirius now matched.

“Merlin, did everyone in this room get snogged but _me_ last night?” James grumbled, grabbing his jacket from the edge of his bed as he began to walk from the room, when Peter spoke.

“Is that what the fight is over? Are you two snogging the same girl?”

Remus and Sirius immediately met one another’s gaze. “Yes,” they both lied simultaneously.

“If you could just keep your grubby little hands to yourself,” Remus suddenly launched into an attack, tumbling down from his bed and onto the floor, stomping over to press his chest to Sirius’.

“Me?” Sirius quipped, delighted. “You’re the one who hasn’t got an ounce of self-control.”

“Alright, stop,” James tried to intervene, but they were having too much fun.

“Making a deliberate decision is different than lacking self-control,” Remus growled, letting his eyebrow rise, on the side opposite from James and Peter. Sirius stifled a grin.

“Then you’re admitting that you did all of this deliberately?” Sirius yelled, his cigarette bobbing between his lips as he kept his fists balled at his sides to keep from touching Remus. The corners of Remus’ lips were trembling from holding back a smile, his eyes drawn to Sirius’ mouth.

“I certainly did, and do you want to know why? I just wanted to watch you _squirm_.”

“James, what do we do?” Peter yelped, looking back and forth between the two fighting.

“Oh, I don’t squirm,” Sirius huffed, all smoke. Remus leaned in, his pupils wide.

“Says the one who was begging me to fu-…” And he stopped quite abruptly, as if suddenly remembering that James and Peter were listening in. “F-forget it. Just forget … it.” Remus rambled, and Sirius doubled over in what he pretended was a coughing fit. Remus turned, rubbing his palm over his forehead.

“Are you both done?” James snapped. “Because I have to meet Lily, and I’m alr-”

“Evans?” Remus and Sirius asked together.

“Yes. So, if you want to kill each other, go ahead. I’m leaving.” James walked from the room, slamming the door on his way out. Sirius knew he was getting tired of all the fighting, even though none of it was real. As Peter gave them both a look, and walked out after James, Sirius began to wonder if they should come clean.

“Good morning, love,” Remus hummed as soon as the door was shut behind Peter, taking the cigarette from Sirius’ lips and kissing him tenderly. Sirius dissolved into Remus’ touch, forgetting his guilt.

“Did you hear all of that?” Sirius asked on Remus’ lips.

“Most of it. They think you’re shagging someone because Pete caught you sneaking back to bed early this morning. And because of these lovely souvenirs I gave you last night,” Remus laughed, pressing soft kisses over the pale red marks that were sprinkled across Sirius’ elegantly long neck.

“Well, they’re not wrong. They just don’t know I don’t have to leave the room for it.” Sirius pushed his fingers through the back of Remus’ hair, as Remus buried his lips further into the nape of Sirius’ neck.

Remus straightened up and tugged at the collar of his shirt, displaying the purple mark just above his collarbone. “Honestly, you couldn’t have warned me about this?” He replaced the cigarette between Sirius’ lips.

“It’s too much fun seeing you nearly get caught,” Sirius grinned, his cheeks sinking as he breathed in.

 

**_ Lily _ **

 

James was flushed when he came downstairs into the Common Room. Ordinarily, Lily wouldn’t have bothered to ask what was wrong – whatever it was, he had likely deserved it. But considering she was about to spend all day with him, likely alone, it was in her best interest to keep him happy.

“What’s the matter, Potter?” she asked, and he looked up at her like he forgot she’d be there.

“The two of them,” he grumbled, thumbing back toward the door. At first, she nodded – Remus and Sirius were still fighting. Until she remembered that they were very much _not_ fighting.

“Did you figure out what it was about?” she asked, watching him closely.

He pushed out a puff of air upward, into his wild hair, and it just made it worse. “It’s over a girl, evidently.” Lily’s brows furrowed. “They’re snogging the same one, I guess?”

“Did they say who this _girl_ was?” Lily said, unable to keep the disbelief out of her tone.

“Nah,” James groaned, settling onto the couch next to her. He sat a little closer than she was used to having him, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. “Sirius wouldn’t say. Just said that she had curly blonde hair and, uh … golden eyes or something. Sound like anyone you know?” _Yeah_ , she thought _. Remus bloody Lupin_. 

“Sounds like a lot of people,” she covered, wondering. If they were keeping it such a secret from James, was it such a good idea to help him find out the truth? What did they know that she didn’t? Maybe James wouldn’t be as accepting as she thought he would of his best friends’ situation.

“Anyway, what’s the plan for today?” he asked, looking at her over the tops of his glasses.

“Reconnaissance.” There was the sudden sound of a door slamming from upstairs, and Sirius came stomping down, storming through the Common Room before anyone could even speak to him.

“Should we split up? I’ll follow Sirius and you follow Remus?” he asked. Lily shook her head.

“We’ll both end up at the same place, anyway,” she said under her breath. A crease appeared between his eyebrows, but he didn’t clarify her meaning.

“Then who do we follow?”

“Remus.” As she said his name, he came down from the room, not quite as good as hiding his true feelings as Sirius was, because Lily could see the contentment all over his face. Once he walked through the portrait hole, Lily pulled James from the squashy couch. “Let’s go.” James followed, but once Remus was in sight, he held Lily’s arm, and she pretended, to herself alone, that it didn’t send a charge up her skin.

“Wait,” he said, his voice hushed.

“What is it?” she hissed, looking around for Sirius.

“Remus is …” he paused, as if looking for the right way to phrase a delicate sentence. “More perceptive than you think. We have to stay as far back as we can, or he’ll know we’re here.”

Lily huffed. “You know, the amount that you boys know about each other is a little scary.” In truth, it was the bonds between them that she admired about the Marauders most.

“He’s rounded the corner. Let’s go,” James said, taking her hand and pulling her along behind him quickly, to catch up to a point where Remus was in sight again. Her hand in his wasn’t as awkward as she expected it to be. It was almost sort of … nice. His hand was warm – soft on the outside, but a bit calloused inside, around the pads of his fingers, where the end of his wand would typically rest as he held it. Without realizing it, he rubbed his thumb over hers, and it was more comforting than she was prepared for.

“Where is he going?” she wondered as Remus left the castle. Taking the opportunity to release her hand from James’, she pulled her hair from her neck, tying it up, making sure that her hands had purpose, in an effort to prevent him from thinking that she was simply trying to get away from touching him. It wasn’t that she didn’t _want_ to touch him – actually, the opposite was true, and that scared her much more.

James seemed mesmerized by her actions for a moment before answering, his eyes trailing down the line of freckles alone the side of her neck before shaking himself out of it. “Remus likes to read outside, where it’s quiet. He usually goes to the edge of the Forest. It’s quietest there.” A hint of a smile crossed over her lips, but she stifled it. As she looked back to Remus, she noticed the book in his hand, the book that had been in his hand the whole time. Which she would have noticed if she weren’t so distracted.

Just as James predicted, Remus walked with purpose out across the castle grounds, through a group of students tossing a Quaffle back and forth, and past another group lounging on the grass, sharing sweets from Honeydukes. With her hands now free, James again took hers into his own and pulled her along the edge of the castle, keeping tucked away inside the brush. Once Remus stopped, some distance away from the other students, James and Lily also stopped, and James let go.

But there was nothing to be done – Remus was so far away that they wouldn’t be able to hear anything that he’d say. Not to mention, Sirius was nowhere in sight. And Lily had been so sure that they’d use this time to be together, especially since nobody else was brave enough to venture that close to the Forbidden Forest.

She and James sat there, crouched together, for quite some time. And Remus continued to read. Alone. During the wait, James had tried to get out of her what secret she knew, but she didn’t budge. It wouldn’t be right to tell him. At that thought, she realized it wasn’t exactly right to expose Remus and Sirius like this, either.

“Maybe this isn’t right,” she sighed, rubbing her fingers at the corners of her eyes.

“Spying, you mean?” James winced, as if he’d been thinking the same thing. She nodded.

“This thing I need to tell you, it’s about your friends. And it’s not right for me to tell you, either. I just …”

“You don’t want them to fight anymore,” he sighed, in agreement, and she suddenly became quite irritated with the two of them – with Remus and Sirius. Maybe it wasn’t right that they were spying on them, but it also wasn’t right that they were lying to their best friend, when all he wanted was to fix it.

“No, actually, it’s not even that. It’s because they’re not being fair to _you_ ,” she said, facing James and poking him hard in the chest. His eyebrows went up.

“To _me_?” he asked, and she almost wished she could backtrack, with the way he looked at her.

She spoke to cover a blush. “They’re keeping something from you. And I know what it is.”

“They?” he clarified, and she nodded.

“Both of them. Together.”

“Is that what the fight is really about?” he asked naively, and she sighed.

“No, they’re not even –” but she stopped as she spotted Sirius walking toward Remus from across the green. Instinctively, she reached up and pushed James’ face back toward the watched spot. With her fingers on his face, she could feel the stubble on his cheek, the sharp curve of his jaw against the plush cushion of his skin. With a hard swallow, she pulled her hand back immediately, and ignored that his cheeks got a little flushed.

Sirius sauntered over to where Remus sat in the uncut grass, a paper bag in his hand, and Lily leaned in, as if it would make a difference from the distance. Words were spoken, but neither James nor Lily could make out what was being said. Still, it was obvious that neither of them held any animosity toward the other. In fact, Sirius actually settled into the grass next to Remus, lying at his side and placing his head into Remus’ lap. At first, Remus dug into the bag Sirius had brought, retrieving a chocolate and popping it into his mouth. As soon as Remus’ hand was free, it went straight into Sirius’ hair, but only for a moment.

“Does that look like two people who are fighting?” she hissed at James, glancing over at him. He looked absolutely perplexed, and she shook him a little to get him to focus on the fact that she was speaking. “He brought Remus chocolates. He’s lying in Remus’ _lap_ , even,” she emphasized.

“It’s not really that weird,” James replied, still watching them closely. “We all bring Remus chocolates.”

“And you all lay in each other’s laps?” she scoffed, and James made a rather indifferent face.

“We’re more comfortable with each other than I think is normal,” he reasoned, and Lily stared at him, wondering if the snogging was just something that the Marauders did with each other on the daily. “The only thing I’m surprised about is that they’re not fighting. And that they’re lying to me about it.” With that, he fell back into the dirt underneath him, sitting very still and staring straight ahead, as if the world was ending.

Lily settled down next to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. With his reaction, she knew she was at least partially making the right decision. Because, no, it wasn’t right to out Sirius and Remus, but she wasn’t exposing them to just anyone. She was showing _James_ , and James alone, and only because she knew that he would accept them no matter what. She was coming to find out that this was the kind of man he was. Not to mention, the tension, though a completely different nature than what James thought it was, was tearing him apart. Still, being lied to didn’t seem much better.

“I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you,” she said, rubbing her thumb back and forth along the curve of his shoulder, the way he had done with his thumb on hers, and she hoped it was as comforting.

“No, I’m glad you did. At least they’re not fighting,” he said, taking a deep breath, resting his arms on his knees, folded up in front of him. “But something’s going on, and they’re not telling me about it. Now I just need to find out why.” Before Lily could respond, she glanced over at her targets to watch Sirius stand rather abruptly and snatch the bag of chocolates from Remus’ reach.

On the tip of her tongue were the words _‘Lovers’ spat?’_ and she just barely caught it in time. Remus responded to Sirius’ outburst, but not nearly in the same manner – he seemed almost depressed by it. It didn’t change Sirius’ attitude, however, and the paper bag in his hand wrinkled as he made a fist around it. The expression on Remus’ face continued to be one of brokenness, until he finally snapped at Sirius, only to curl up into himself immediately afterward. Sirius continued to talk, but Lily wasn’t sure if Remus was responding.

“Okay, so maybe they _are_ fighting,” James said in a huff. Lily smiled for only a moment. It didn’t seem like they knew anyone was around – this had to be a genuine fight.

“I think so,” she whispered. They were both quiet for a frighteningly long time, until Sirius knelt in the grass, looking in Remus’ direction. His lips moved – he was speaking. Finally, Remus’ head turned, and he was looking at Sirius, and there was a brief smile on Sirius’ face, before he covered it with his hand.

“Are they fighting, or aren’t they?” James groaned, and Lily actually laughed, watching Sirius light one cigarette, and then use it to light a second, which he handed off to Remus.

“Remus smokes?” she asked in surprise.

“Eh … sometimes,” he dodged, and she looked curiously at him. Just as Remus put the cigarette between his lips, Sirius suddenly threw his arms in the air, shouting _‘Fine!’_ at Remus, before stomping off.

“What the bloody hell is going on?” James growled, dragging his hands down his face. They continued to watch as Remus placed his head in his hands, grey smoke trailing up from his lips. Only a minute more, and Remus stood, walking slowly off, in the opposite direction of Sirius, closing his eyes every time he breathed in, like it was the cigarette given to a man about to face the firing squad.

“I think we should let him be,” Lily sighed, crossing her legs in the dirt and propping her face up in her hands, her elbows rested atop her knees. James glanced over.

“This isn’t as much fun as I thought,” he chuckled, mirroring her position.

“I know. I didn’t know it would feel so … invasive. To spy,” she said, blowing out a stream of air, her cheeks puffing out. James watched her in amusement.

“Why are you doing this?” he asked suddenly. She looked at him from the corner of her eye.

“I told you, it’s not fair.”

“But you hate me,” he reasoned, narrowing his eyes at her. She frowned.

“I don’t hate you, Potter.”

“See? You won’t even call me by my first name.”

“That’s because you’re an arrogant toerag.”

“Then why do you care? That Remus and Sirius are keeping things from me?” he pressed, and she let out a loud sigh – if Remus and Sirius hadn’t left already, they probably would’ve heard it.

“If you don’t want me to help you, then just say so.”

“You’re evading the question.”

“And you’re being a nosey git. What does it matter?” she grumbled, standing and trudging back off to the castle herself, with James just behind. Truthfully, she _was_ evading the question – because she didn’t want to admit that she _knew_ the reason why she was helping James.

He’d told Mary MacDonald that he was in love with Lily, and she needed to know the truth. Since then, she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it, and by default, about James. It wasn’t something she could come right out and ask him – after all, what would she say in response? She certainly didn’t love him back. She couldn’t. Not even if he had a warm, kind smile, and hands calloused from practicing diligently, and a heart on his sleeve that ached when his friends disappointed him. She couldn’t be in love with James Potter.

 

_Could she?_

 

**_ Remus _ **

 

Ever since he’d left the Common Room, he’d felt it. Like the hackles on the neck of a dog’s fur rising up, like the shiver that sits in the center of your spine and doesn’t have anywhere to go. He hadn’t looked around to find out for sure, but something was definitely different. If he were to guess, he’d attribute it to being followed, but he hadn’t been followed since the Marauders found out about his lycanthropy. Back then, it had only been an uneasy feeling in his gut – he reasoned the sense had since gotten more developed.

Once he sat in the grass, he scanned the castle walls from over the top of his book, but there were bushes around nearly the whole perimeter. If anyone had been following him, they would be able to hide fairly easily. The sensation wasn’t easing – it was starting to make him ache, like the night before a full moon.

More important than who, was why. _Why_ would anyone be following him, on a Saturday morning, when all he had intended to do was read? A thought prickled the back of his mind – was it Snape? He’d been after the Marauders all year, trying to get at the secret they all so desperately hid – Remus’ lycanthropy. It would be an opportune time to get it out of him – he was alone, without James or Sirius, or even Peter, to throw defensive spells or hexes at Snape to keep him at bay.

So focused on the idea that Snape would come charging from anywhere, at any moment, that Remus didn’t even notice Sirius settling next to him, until his head was already in Remus’ lap. With Sirius there, the feeling lessened, and Remus thought it gone. He ate one of the chocolates Sirius brought him, ran his fingers through Sirius’ hair. But it wasn’t gone – and whoever it was had prime view of Sirius lying in Remus’ lap.

“Kiss me, love,” Sirius crooned, but Remus popped another chocolate into his mouth, this time keeping his fingers out of Sirius’ hair and raising his book in front of his face instead.

“I can’t,” he swallowed, glancing down at Sirius from behind the pages. “I’m getting the feeling that someone is watching us, but I can’t figure out from where.”

“Ah, _shit_ ,” Sirius groaned, annoyed, standing up from Remus’ lap and snatching the bag out of the tall grass. “I guess I have to make it look like I hate you now, doesn’t it?”

Remus looked up at him, his eyes becoming dull as he closed his book. “I’m so tired of this, Pads.”

“I know, Moony.” Sirius grit his teeth, the paper bag crumpling in his hand.

“I want you to be able to lay in my lap and I want to kiss your forehead and I just want to hold your hand, for Godric’s sake,” Remus said, his eyes red as he brought his knees up to his chest and placed his forehead against them, breathing deeply into the cavern his body had created.

“I want it too, Moony, you know I do.” Sirius sighed, and Remus was angry that he couldn’t even feel the comforting touch of Sirius’ hand against his back, for fear of whomever was watching. “But I’m terrified.”

“Who gives a shit what anyone else thinks?” Remus snapped, raising his head for an instant.

“I _don’t_ ,” Sirius countered, calmly but emphatically. “For everyone _except_ James. And Pete.”

Remus lowered his head again, his voice echoing from between his knees. “They wouldn’t …” His echo faded, as he thought of all the things that could happen, should he and Sirius out themselves. The worst of them being shunned by Peter and James. As Remus thought, it seemed ridiculous – they had accepted him for his lycanthropy immediately, no hesitation. This wasn’t nearly as bad as that. Was it?

“No. I don’t know,” Sirius said, in a shaking breath, the same thoughts likely racing through his mind, just as they were Remus’, and Sirius had probably added his family into the mix too. They were sure to find out, with Regulus at Hogwarts, and the mouths of the small, pureblood community. It was almost good that they’d already disowned him – but that brought the problem back to James, because Sirius lived with _him_ now.

“Maybe we shouldn’t be together,” Remus said softly, his voice distant.

Sirius stiffened. “No, fuck that,” he spat, kneeling in the grass, some distance away from Remus. “We’ll keep hiding it forever, if we have to. But I _can’t_ lose you, Moony.”  

Remus turned his head, his temple resting on his knee, a quiet smile over his face. “Then I guess we just suck it up for a little while longer. Because I can’t let you lose me, either.” Sirius rubbed his nose to cover a grin.

“I guess I’ve got to storm off now. Just in case.”

Remus nodded solemnly as Sirius stood. “You probably should.”

“In the meantime, I’ll work on a plan to steal you away after dinner.” He balanced on his heels, pulling a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of his trousers. Remus sighed, trying to convince himself that they could do this – they could keep their secret and still be together and everything would be fine. As long as he had Sirius.

“Light one for me before you leave,” Remus nodded toward the cigarette between Sirius’ lips. Sirius rose an eyebrow at him, as he flicked the lighter, his cheeks caving in as he inhaled. Remus licked his lips.

“You don’t smoke, Moony.”

“If I can’t kiss you whenever I want, then smoking your cigarettes is the next best thing. They taste like you,” he grinned slyly and Sirius’ eyes softened. “Besides, I kiss you too much, and I caught your cravings.”

“You don’t kiss me _enough_ ,” Sirius said, a waver in his voice, as he held the end of another cigarette against the embers of his own, passing it off to Remus as it was lit.

“We’re going to fix that someday,” Remus winked. “Now, off you go. Storm off.”

“Fine!” he yelled, with a slight grin as he threw his arms into the arm and stomped away. Remus tried not to laugh as he inhaled the smoke and tasted Sirius Black on his tongue.

  

**_ Sirius _ **

 

They met in a closet. In the middle of dinner. James and Peter were still eating their roast chicken and potatoes, while Remus and Sirius both managed to sneak away, separately, to snog in a cramped cupboard.

“I missed you,” Sirius breathed out against Remus’ skin. Remus laughed.

“I just saw you at dinner.”

“Touching you through my socks under the table isn’t really the same as this,” Sirius hummed, brushing his fingers up the hem of Remus’ sweater, along his belly, around his hips, up his back.

“I found out who was following us,” Remus said, as Sirius nibbled on his earlobe.

“James and Lily.” Sirius kissed the scar across Remus’ throat and Remus let out a nearly inaudible sigh in response. Sirius smiled – it could only mean that Remus missed him, too.

“How did _you_ find out?”

“I waited by the edge of the castle until they came by,” Sirius shrugged, and Remus pulled Sirius back to his mouth, kissing him ravenously for only a moment, before trailing his kisses down Sirius’ neck.

“Mm. I walked around the edge of the castle and waited for them to stand up from the bushes.”

“They’re not very good spies, are they?” Sirius laughed, winding his fingers through Remus’ hair. With his hand at Sirius’ waist, Remus eased Sirius back, pressing him to the wall. When Remus rotated his hips, Sirius spread his legs, to let Remus settle within them, rewarded with a throaty groan from Remus’ lips.

“No. And I’m sure they couldn’t hear any of what we said from where they were.”

“What are they after, you think?” Remus paused, holding his hands to the wall behind Sirius and leaning himself out, looking down at where their legs were entwined, and their crotches were hard against each other.

“I can’t possibly imagine,” he replied, the grin on his face so wide, Sirius was afraid it would split.

“Oh, come off it,” Sirius laughed, and Remus kissed him fiercely. “What I mean is, does that mean one of them knows?” he clarified, and Remus furrowed his brows.

“That’s a good question.” He mused silently for a moment, and Sirius pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Remus absently licked at the spot, and Sirius smiled. “Maybe it’s about the fighting.”

Sirius went still, as he remembered a very crucial detail about the previous night. Something he hadn’t noticed at the time, because he had been so blind with absolute lust, and because he had been trying so desperately to get Remus alone, to solve that problem.  “Goddammit, Moony. It’s Lily. She knows.”

“What? How?”

“Last night, when we left the party, Lily came back into the room and went straight for James. Then suddenly, this morning, she and James are best of friends, and trailing us.” Remus groaned, throwing his head back. Sirius took this opportunity to latch his mouth onto Remus’ Adam’s apple.

“Oh God, she knows,” Remus said, the sound of his voice vibrating into Sirius’ lips.

“ _Moony_ ,” Sirius hummed, kissing his throat indecently, and gripping onto Remus’ hips, pulling them harder onto his own. “Make that sound again.”

“Oh,” Remus laughed. Sirius growled. “Oh. _God_ ,” he repeated, deliberately lower and breathier.

“ _Yes_ ,” Sirius moaned, curving his arms up Remus’ back, and pulling him in tighter.

“Should we just tell him, then?” Remus asked, his breathing becoming sporadic as Sirius’ mouth spread across his collarbone, Sirius’ fingers tucked into the waist of his trousers.

“No,” Sirius reasoned. “Because Lily could’ve just told him, right?” He looked up at Remus.

Remus’ eyes widened. “She wants to spend more time with him.” Sirius nodded, but it degraded into some sort of shake of his head, as he couldn’t figure out exactly _what_ Lily Evans’ motives were.  

“Isn’t it enough that they’re Head Boy and Girl?” Sirius huffed.

“Like they actually _do_ anything together. Besides, they make us Prefects do all the work.”

“Which worked out just splendidly for me,” Sirius grinned, remembering the first time he and Remus had ever gotten each other off was when Remus was _supposed_ to be doing his Prefect duties. Remus rose both eyebrows, humming his agreement as he kissed low on Sirius’ throat.

“So, Lily’s looking for her dark corridor then?” Remus suggested, darting his tongue into the dip at the base of Sirius’ throat, curling his fingers underneath Sirius’ belt.

“Must be,” Sirius smirked deviously. “If James is as lucky as me, maybe Lily will turn out to be like you, Moony – how you look innocent on the outside, but you’ve really got the filthiest mouth in Britain.”

Remus looked up with an arrogant grin. “Nobody is as lucky as you, Sirius.”

“That’s the goddamn truth,” Sirius growled, burying his tongue in Remus’ mouth for a brief, but turbulent moment. “I think we should test her. To be sure she actually knows about us.”                                                                                                                 

“Test her, how?” Remus asked, raising a brow. Sirius kissed him again, more gently.

“Go back to the table, and I’ll follow in a bit. Just … keep your poker face on.” Remus gave him a wary glance, as he silently opened the closet door and crept out. After a few minutes head start, Sirius did the same, and as he made his way back into the Great Hall, he noticed that Lily had relocated, and she was suddenly sitting next to James. Sirius could barely keep the smile away from his face as he sat down, next to Remus.

“Where were you?” James asked him, and Lily looked back and forth between them.

“Around,” Sirius smiled sweetly.

“You two always seem to disappear at the same time,” Lily remarked, looking Sirius straight in the face, and Sirius saw the challenge in her eye. She knew, but Sirius decided to press his luck.

“We meet up so that we can pound each other into the wall,” he remarked with a smile, watching her carefully, and she immediately clamped her mouth shut. Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius watched Remus pull his lips into his teeth, in what he recognized as great effort to contain laughter. “Speaking of which, you disappeared at the party, as I recall.” Lily’s eyes darted back up to meet his, pink spreading across her face.

“Yes, and?” Sirius admired her for not backing down.

“Well, you may have missed how hard Remus roughed me up last night,” Sirius quipped, and there it was – Lily’s cheeks burned bright red. Remus coughed, to cover a laugh that escaped the barrier of his lips.

“It wasn’t that bad,” James said, looking a bit despondent.

“Oh, no,” Sirius clicked his tongue, grinning obscenely. “It was very, _very_ bad.” Lily stood, indignant.

“I ... have to go,” she said quickly, and Sirius finally let out a laugh, risking a glance in Remus’ direction, as James was busy watching Lily leave. The look in Remus’ eyes could have had him undressed. 

 

**_ Remus  _ **

 

That was that. Lily Evans knew, to some extent, about the relationship between he and Sirius. Remus had worked it out – she had to have been in the room with them during the party. Which meant that she got a very explicit view of exactly what Remus and Sirius did when they were supposed to be fighting.

Lifting his head, he emptied his lungs into what could be the last cold night of the year – silver smoke dispersing over ink black sky. Oddly enough, he wasn’t entirely bothered by the fact that Lily knew their secret. What bothered him was that Lily knew before James, and that Remus was _still_ afraid of how James would react. It had nothing to do with James himself, but everything to do with what James represented. James was their stronghold, the one who brought them all together and _kept_ them together. James was the reason that Sirius even knew who Remus was at all.

Of course, it was unquestionable to think that James would reject them over this – James Potter had a heart of gold. That didn’t change the terror that Remus felt every time he thought of the possibility of losing James over it. Realistically, Remus knew exactly how James would feel – he would be absolutely tickled, he would love the idea of Sirius and Remus together. But there was always that nagging little thought, and Sirius had the same thought. It kept them both quiet. Kept them both secret.

“I should have looked here first,” Remus heard as he took another drag on the cigarette that tasted like Sirius, as Sirius himself leaned on the door of the Astronomy Tower. Remus uncurled himself from between the space of brick he had settled into, letting his legs hang inside, his back to the open sky.

“Did our little spies follow you?” Remus asked, casting the cigarette down into the darkness, and reaching for Sirius, who took his hand quickly, letting Remus pull him into the space between his legs.

“If they did, would you still kiss me?” Sirius teased.

“Right now? Yes.” Remus craned his neck down, pressing his lips to Sirius’, and the taste of the smoke still lingering on Sirius’ lips was somehow better than the taste of the cigarette Remus had just finished.

Sirius closed his eyes, holding onto Remus’ sweater as he leaned back. “How is it that my own cigarettes taste better on you?” He let out a long, slow breath, and Remus couldn’t help but stare in admiration – at the laugh lines around Sirius’ eyes from their years of pranks, at the single grey strand of hair at his temple that matched the color of his eyes, at the marks still on his neck from the night before.

“I was just thinking the same thing,” Remus laughed softly, before wondering if moments like these were going to be secret for the rest of their lives. “Sirius, I think we should tell James.”

Immediately, Sirius nodded, as if he had been thinking it already. “I want to.” He burrowed himself into Remus’ arms, settling his forehead into the nape of Remus’ neck. “But what about him and Lily?”

“Right,” Remus hummed, burying his lips in Sirius’ hair. “They’re using us as an excuse to be together.”

“And if we tell them the truth …”

“Then it might never happen,” Remus finished for him, tightening his legs around Sirius’ hips. “How did it work with us? How did we finally end up together?” Sirius laughed.

“You said the word fuck too many times,” Sirius huffed, pulling down the collar of Remus’ sweater with his teeth, pressing his lips into the dip at the base of Remus’ throat.

“Did I?” His voice feigned innocence, but his laugh gave him away.

“Don’t pretend you don’t know what that does to me, Moony,” Sirius mumbled onto Remus’ skin, his fingers slinking up underneath Remus’ jumper, untucking the shirt underneath. Remus pushed his fingers through Sirius’ dark hair, and then pushed himself down from the bricks upon which he was perched.

“Why don’t you tell me?” His fingers still gripped in Sirius’ hair, he tugged softly, leaning Sirius’ head back to make an open space on which he could place his lips.

Sirius let out a growling breath, vibrating under Remus’ mouth. “I don’t have to _tell_ you.” Sirius took Remus’ hand in his own and let them both glide over the zipper of Sirius’ trousers.

“I didn’t even say it yet,” Remus grinned, his bared teeth pressed against Sirius’ neck, his fingers tracing the hardened imprint of Sirius along the outside of the fabric.

“Would you like me to beg again?” Sirius’ voice was deep, and Remus shuddered.

“ _Yes_ ,” he breathed out, turning so that Sirius was pressed against the brick. Sirius laughed, a sound as rich and sweet as butterbeer, but as sharp and stinging as firewhisky. In response, Remus pressed the ball of his hand against Sirius, sliding down his length, and he slipped his tongue into Sirius’ ear.

“Moony.” The bravado in Sirius’ voice became a tremble. “ _Please_.”

Remus pulled at the button of Sirius’ trousers, his lips to Sirius’ ear as his fingers slipped inside Sirius’ open zipper. At the feel of Sirius, warm and full in his hand, he let out a breath. “Fuck.”

 Sirius’ breathing hitched on cue. “Fuck, Remus,” he repeated, bucking his hips into Remus’ hand, while simultaneously working on Remus’ belt. “I want you just like the first time.”

“You mean, in that tiny, little space,” Remus groaned, burying his tongue in Sirius’ mouth. “Hiding from Filch, when I finally got the nerve to kiss you.” Remus’ fingers slipped into the waist of Sirius’ boxers, dipping along the curves of Sirius’ hips, until he held Sirius, bare in his hand. Sirius breathed out, hot into Remus’ mouth, sending steam up from their joined lips into the dropping temperature around them.

“I never wanted anything so badly,” Sirius whispered, guiding Remus’ clothes down, and pulling Remus’ bare hips onto his own. Remus gasped at the stark contrast in temperature, the cold of the open air, followed by the sweltering heat of Sirius’ cock against his own.

“Goddammit, I still want you the same,” Remus moaned, gripping Sirius tightly by the throat, and pulling their mouths together. With Remus’ tongue in his mouth, Sirius managed to mumble a wandless spell, and Remus felt Sirius’ hand, suddenly warm and slick, encircle them. As Sirius rocked his hips, Remus gripped Sirius’ hand to steady them, pushing harder into Sirius’ hips, shoving him back against the bricks.

“Don’t stop, Moony. Keep talking to me. God, I _love_ it.” Sirius panted, sliding his free hand up Remus’ sweater, along his abdomen. Remus swallowed, looking down at their cocks, sliding against each other, and then back up at Sirius, a torturously pleasured expression on his face.

“I used to love to watch you look at me. Back when you didn’t know.” Remus paused, licking at Sirius’ lips, until he opened, swallowing Remus’ tongue into his mouth. “When you didn’t know, you couldn’t keep it out of your face. It was everywhere.” Remus’ hand was still on his throat, pressing just slightly.

“What was?” Sirius rasped through the pressure of Remus’ fingers at his windpipe.

“How badly you wanted to fuck me,” Remus purred into Sirius’ ear, thrusting his hips hard into Sirius’, and Sirius responded with a sharp pull of breath into his lungs.

“Fuck, Remus,” Sirius hissed, pulling air in through his teeth.

“And you had no idea, but it was all over you. In the way that you looked at me, the way you talked to me, the way you touched me.” The grip of Remus’ fingers tightened around them.

“ _Yes, oh, fuck_ ,” Sirius groaned, finally leaning his head back onto the brick, listening to the sound of Remus’ voice, letting Remus control the pace of every thrust, and watching him do it.

“I imagined what it would be like to do all the things I wanted to do to you,” Remus hummed, moving his hand from Sirius’ throat and replacing it with his lips, splattering wet kisses over his skin.

“How does it measure up?” Sirius huffed, breathless, as Remus’ lips worked their way back up to his, and his tongue glided in alongside Sirius’, and he felt he couldn’t go deep enough.

“Jesus,” Remus groaned into his mouth. “It’s so much fucking better.”

“Oh.” Sirius shuddered, fingernails digging into Remus’ chest. “Remus, I’m going to come.” Remus’ tongue went swiftly back to Sirius’ ear, his warm breath puffing out as he spoke.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he whispered deliberately, with a sharp grunt, and Sirius barely took a breath before he was spilling out over Remus’ fingers, his hips bucking slightly, sporadically. Remus was on the verge, watching the expression on Sirius’ face – his mouth hanging open as a throaty breath escaped, his eyes fluttering closed, his neck craned back as far as it could go. “God, that look alone is better than anything I ever imagined.”

Sirius grinned, looking spent. “I could think of a better one.” Remus cocked an eyebrow, as he felt Sirius slip out of his grasp, whispering a spell that undid the mess he made. Though he gathered himself back up into his trousers, he left them unzipped, splayed open around his hips. He knelt.

Remus’ eyebrow remained raised. “Pads,” he breathed out, still aching.

“Did you ever imagine this, Moony?” he asked, looking up at Remus from his knees, through dark lashes and blown pupils, as he placed his lips around the head of Remus’ cock.

“More often than you’d –” he stopped as Sirius took him into his mouth. “Fuck. _Yes_.”

“Tell me the truth.” Sirius spoke in fragments, between pressing his lips against Remus. “How long?”

“Years, Pads,” Remus breathed out heavy as Sirius ran his tongue along Remus’ length. “I fantasized about you for _years_.” Sirius looked entirely delighted as he circled his tongue around the tip.

“Tell me your favorite.” He looked up at Remus from hooded eyes, digging his fingernail into the silvered scar at Remus’ hip as he took him deep, into the back of his throat.

Remus let out a loud, shaking moan, burying his fist into Sirius’ hair. “Blowing you in the Common Room,” he said without having to think, his chest heaving.

“Blowing _me_?” Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow, drawing the tip of his tongue over the slit at the head of Remus’ cock, and Remus shouted. It faded out into a growl, echoing in the darkness. 

“Yes, Sirius.” Remus looked down, his expression begging. “I had it so bad for you.”

“Had?” Sirius clarified with a terrible smile.

“Have, present tense. _Fuck_ ,” Remus groaned, rolling his head back as Sirius pulled his lips into his teeth and bit down onto Remus, with the cushion of his lips, bobbing for a moment.

“Do you want to hear _my_ favorite, Remus?” Sirius asked, slipping his hand into Remus’ trousers, in between his legs, cupping him. Remus bit down hard on his lip, nodding.

“God, yes.”

"Using James’ cloak to suck you off under your desk. In the middle of class.” Sirius grit his teeth for a moment, as if overwhelmed by the idea, and then plunged Remus entirely into his throat. Within a few strokes inside Sirius warm, wet mouth, Remus came hard, folding over where Sirius was knelt in front of him.

“Merlin,” Remus sighed, as he slipped from Sirius’ lips, and Sirius looked absolutely pleased with himself, as he craned up to plant a kiss on Remus’ lips. Sirius took two cigarettes and placed them between his teeth, lighting them both before sliding one into Remus’ mouth, as Remus buckled everything back into place.

“Did you ever have a wet dream about me?” Sirius asked unexpectedly, as they stood at the edge of the tower, watching their smoke trickle out over the dark grounds. Remus raised an eyebrow.

“When did I _not_ have a wet dream about you?” he laughed, smoke curling out with every huff.

Sirius grinned, but didn’t look over. “The first one I ever had about you,” he started, inhaling deep on the cigarette between his teeth, “was at James’ house. Over the summer.” Smoke billowed from his nostrils, from his mouth as he spoke, and he glanced at Remus with an amused expression.

“The summer?” Remus balked. “The erotic massage in my bed wasn’t until the start of the year.”

Sirius cackled, cigarette dangling from his smiling lips. “Now you know why.”

“Must’ve been some dream.”

“It was. And I had that dream in James’ bed.” The smirk on Sirius’ face was immeasurably smug.

“Are you kidding?” Remus laughed – so loudly, he was afraid he would wake the castle. Sirius just continued to smoke, cigarette held in place by grinning teeth. “Tell me how this happened.”

“I had just left home. The Potters didn’t have a room for me, then. James felt bad for making me sleep on the floor, you know how he is, so he gave me his bed that first night.”

“And you had a gay sex dream about one best friend in your other best friend’s bed. As one does.”

“Exactly,” Sirius laughed, moving a bit closer to Remus as a cold breeze blew over them. Remus placed his hand on the brick on the opposite side of Sirius, encompassing him. “You just … in the dream, you were …”

“Doing what _you_ were just doing?” Sirius shook his head, as Remus flicked his cigarette into the air.

“Not even that. We were in your bed, here, at school. And you were so warm, like it was the night before the full moon.” Sirius’ twisted, so that he was facing Remus. He kept his cigarette in his mouth, but wrapped his arms around Remus’ neck, and Remus wasn’t sure his eyes had ever been so bright. “And you just said my name, the way you _do_. The way you did last night,” he said, inhaling hard on the cigarette until it was down to the filter. “All you had to do was kiss me, like you just did, with your tongue in my mouth, and I could _feel_ you, as hard as you were just now, and I …” Sirius stopped, tossing the filter off the tower and breathing in, the air shuddering between his unsettled lips. “Fuck.”

“Jesus, Sirius.” Remus took Sirius’ face into his hands and kissed him, with his tongue in Sirius’ mouth, the way Sirius imagined Remus kissing him before Remus even knew Sirius wanted it. Sirius took in a deep breath through his nostrils, without yet removing his lips from Remus’. When Remus pulled back, Sirius stayed in place, his eyes closed and mouth open, as if still trapped in the kiss.

He let out the breath he’d taken in. “Yeah. That’s the one.” Remus just laughed.

“I’ve kissed you like that every day since the first one.” Sirius nodded, looking down.

“It’s still just as good as the first one,” he sighed, glancing back up with a curious look in his eye. “So, what’s the plan, then? Wait for James to stop being such a twit and tell Lily the truth?”

Remus paused. “We play the game. James and Lily don’t know that we know. We put on a show for them, a different show, and help the two idiots along.”

“Which is exactly what they think they’re doing for us,” Sirius laughed. “What’s the show?”

“Letting James work it out for himself.”

“Easy on the heavy petting, then?” Sirius winked, tightening his arms around Remus’ neck, and Remus couldn’t prevent the smile that formed on his lips. Sirius kissed them, and the smile stayed.

“Right. If we act like we’re starting to fall madly in love …”

 

Sirius interrupted. “Not hard to pretend, _that_.”

 

 Remus’ grin expanded, his hold on Sirius strengthened.

 

“Maybe it’ll spark something in the two of them. _And_ we can stop keeping this from James,” he finished, surprised to feel what he remembered as a blush forming in his cheeks. For as long as he’d been with Sirius, and all the things they’d said and done to each other, especially in front of other people, he’d gotten used to suppressing any response that could have given him away. It was unusual that a blush could be stimulated by something as innocuous as this, Sirius admitting that he had already fallen in love with Remus once, that he could act it out because he knew exactly what it would look like, what it would feel like.

“Remus, come to bed with me,” Sirius said suddenly, blinking up at Remus.

“We live together, I have to,” Remus laughed, and Sirius’ eyes became fixed.

“Sleep with me tonight. Stay in my bed.” His eyes were silver, swirling, as he took Remus’ hands into his own, pulling them up to his lips. Remus pulled his bottom lip into his teeth.

“What about James and Peter?”

“They were gone when I left the room. If we hurry, we might beat them back.” Sirius’ gaze hadn’t left Remus’, and the breath in his chest was sporadic, almost as if he were nervous.

Remus smiled. “Then we should hurry.” Sirius’ expression glowed.

 

**_ Sirius  _ **

 

Having had Remus in his arms all night, warm and soft and naked, the hardest thing that Sirius ever had to do was convince himself to get out of bed. The only reason he was even considering it was because he knew that if he didn’t, James, and therefore Peter, would be, at any moment, pulling back the curtains of his four-poster to find him, and therefore Remus. Mostly because they’d be looking for Remus, anyway. Not that they would expect to find him in Sirius’ bed – and naked, no less – but they’d start with asking Sirius.

“Morning,” he hummed into Remus’ golden curls, and Remus stirred, nestling further into his arms.

“Not yet,” Remus mumbled into his chest, the pressure of his lips sending a jolt down Sirius’ spine. He closed his eyes, breathing in the scent that filled Remus’ hair – like cedar, from warm days and long moons spent racing through the Forbidden Forest, like stale cigarette smoke from stolen nights spent with Sirius.

“If I don’t get out of bed, James will come looking for me,” Sirius reminded Remus, and himself. “And I’d really rather keep you, as you are now, to myself, if you don’t mind.” Remus glanced up at him from where his scruffy chin was perched on his chest, his amber eyes half-closed with sleep, his smile calm.

“I had no idea you were so possessive, Pads.” Remus closed one eye.

“Really?” Sirius laughed. “That’s one of the four fundamental pillars of my personality, Moony.”

“Oh? And what are the other three?” Remus mused, his eyes dancing.

“Love, bad puns, and sexual innuendo.”

“And … possessiveness,” Remus clarified.

“And possessiveness,” Sirius repeated, with a cheesy smile. Remus laughed, and Sirius was in awe of how absolute and relaxed it was. He placed a kiss onto Remus’ lips before they were even closed.

“Get out,” Remus laughed into his chest.

“I’m trying!” Sirius half-shouted, and Remus slapped his hand over Sirius’ mouth, shushing him in between his laughter. He kissed the back of his own hand, over Sirius’ lips, before rolling off him, and pushing Sirius toward the slit in the curtains, letting his hands slide down Sirius’ bare hips.

“Go. I can’t leave until you get rid of them.”

“No, wait,” Sirius stalled, falling in and kissing Remus fully, for several long seconds. As they parted, Sirius leaned back and took a good look at him, completely, biting down on his lip.

Remus let him look for a moment, an arrogant rise in his brow. “ _Go_.” Sirius sighed and stepped out of his bed. The look on Peter’s face reminded him that he was still completely starkers. And slightly aroused.

“Pete,” Sirius greeted him with a nod, clearing his throat, slipping his hand back through the curtains.

“Sirius,” Peter nodded, glancing up at the ceiling, as Remus pressed Sirius’ boxers into his fingers. James turned, looked Sirius up and down, and threw a pair of trousers at him, unfazed.

“Hurry up, Padfoot, we’ve got to find our Moony.” As Sirius pulled his shorts, and then trousers up his hips, he smiled at James’ phrasing – he did it for all of them. Our Moony. Our Wormtail. Our _family_.

“He didn’t come back last night?” Sirius asked, failing to keep a smug grin from his face.

“No, which means he’s with –” Peter started to say, but James elbowed him in the ribs, and Peter let out a pained groan in place of words. For a moment, Sirius was confused – who would they think Remus would be with, and more importantly, why would they try to keep it secret from him? He was a second away from ripping open the curtain to dramatically ask Remus who he’d been sneaking around with, before remembering he, _himself_ , was the one that Remus had been sneaking around with. Their lie to cover the sneaking was what went unsaid – the make-believe _girl_ that Remus and Sirius were supposed to be fighting over.

“Let’s just go, eh?” James spoke through gritted teeth, directed toward Peter.

“I’ll catch up, I’ve got to find my jacket,” Sirius called, and James waved as they went on ahead. As the door shut, Remus peeked out, his bare shoulder leaning through the curtains.

“Better hurry off to find me,” he grinned as Sirius pulled on a shirt, pulled on his boots.

“They think you’re with _her_ ,” Sirius said, disdain in his voice. Remus blinked at him.

“Are you actually jealous of a fictional person? Merlin, you _are_ possessive.”

“I tried to tell you,” Sirius shrugged. “Besides, it should be _me_.”

Remus crawled out from Sirius’ bed, still undressed. “What should?” Sirius took a step forward, pressing himself close to Remus’ bare skin. Remus watched him with a wary smile.

“I want them to think you’re with me.” Sirius pushed a single finger underneath Remus’ chin, until he raised it toward the ceiling, and Sirius put his lips on the open space of Remus’ neck.

“I _am_ with you, you maniac,” Remus laughed, the echo pulsing out over Sirius’ mouth.

“And I want everyone to _know_ ,” he insisted, biting down softly onto Remus’ windpipe. “I want them to look at the marks on your skin and know that Sirius fucking Black put them there.”

“Oh, I don’t know, it’s a _bit_ fun,” Remus replied, his words decaying into a breathy sigh, the further Sirius’ lips traveled down his throat. “I love watching every girl in school look at you, knowing that _I’m_ the one who gets you into bed every night.” Sirius hummed onto Remus’ skin.

“Well, when you say it like that,” he laughed, working back up to Remus’ lips, and slipping his tongue inside, for only a moment. As Remus walked back to his bed, across the dorm, Sirius watched.

“Let me know if you find me anywhere,” Remus said, a smile in his voice as he gathered clothes from various places around his bed and put them on. Sirius opened the door, leaning on it.

“Your bed tonight?” he asked. Remus paused in slipping a shirt on over his head, raising his brow, letting his eyes travel down to Sirius’ unlaced boots, and then back up to his disheveled hair.  

“Absolutely.”

 

Of course, they didn’t find Remus. Once, somebody mentioned that they last saw him heading toward the Astronomy Tower the night before, and Sirius held his breath, wondering if he was about to be implicated, but his name was never mentioned. The conversation veered, and Sirius zoned out, wondering if Remus had even come down from the dorms at all, because they had yet to run into him.

The entire time they looked, James and Peter tried to get out of him the name of the mystery girl, the one over which he and Remus were ‘ _competing for affection’_. There was no name to give, so Sirius continued to try to change the topic, or describe Remus as vaguely as possible, when they asked more specific questions.

“Well, _you_ love her. Does Remus love her?” Peter asked, and Sirius rolled his eyes. If there actually _was_ a girl, that question probably would have hurt. James eyed Sirius carefully, but Peter was oblivious.

“I think Remus is in love, yes,” Sirius answered, as honestly as possible, and he tried to look like it broke his heart to answer, but his heart was unmistakably whole. It had been for quite some time, long before Remus kissed him in that corridor, even before he admitted to himself that he was in love with Remus.

“Pete, don’t ask him that,” James whispered with a sigh, throwing an apologetic look in Sirius’ direction, before quickly changing the subject to something much more trivial. “So, the sex must be good, yeah?”

“Oh, gods,” Sirius groaned, throwing his hands out in front of him. “Un-fucking-believable, mate. I mean, just last night, at the …” The first syllable of ‘ _Astronomy Tower’_ was in the back of his throat, and he couldn’t keep it from coming up. “Ah – anyway, sacrilegious, is what it was.”

James grinned. “Took the Dark Lord’s name in vain, did you?”

“Over and _over_ , Prongs.” Sirius slipped a cigarette from his jacket pocket and lit up, trying to occupy his mouth, because he knew that Remus Lupin’s name was only a stimulating thought away.

“Hello, is that our Moony?” James called out, and Sirius’ eyes immediately went in search of him. He sat on a concrete bench, just near the front entrance of the castle, his arms draped over his knees, hands folded between them. His eyes were on Sirius before Sirius even knew he was there.

“I heard you were looking for me,” he called back with a knowing smile, and James clapped him hard on the back the moment he was in range.

“You didn’t come home last night,” Peter said, and Sirius smiled at that word. _Home_.

“I spent the night in someone else’s bed for a change,” Remus replied, risking a glance in Sirius’ direction, and Sirius just barely stopped himself from choking on the smoke in his throat.

“But you can’t get to the girls’ dorms,” Peter said, looking perplexed, and Sirius’ eyes widened in panic, his fingers twitching where they hovered over the cigarette in his lips.

“Metaphorically, Pete,” Remus rolled his hand over his face, and Sirius mentally applauded his ability to look absolutely certain in his rapidly-formed lie, though he knew Remus was kicking himself for that blunder.

 “I hope it was worth it,” Sirius suddenly piped up, blowing smoke in Remus’ direction. While James and Peter looked back at Sirius in surprise, Remus let his eyes flutter closed, breathing in Sirius’ smoke.

“Best night of my life,” Remus quipped, feigning annoyance in his voice, but his eyes were as soft as they had been when he had woken that morning in Sirius’ arms.

“By all means,” Sirius took another drag. “Tell us all about it.”

“Pads, is that such a good –” James began, but Remus interrupted.

“Oh, gladly,” Remus gave him a closed smile, as he reached up and took the cigarette right out of Sirius’ lips, whose mouth fell open. “We were up on the Astronomy Tower. It’s much colder up there than you’d think, but we warmed ourselves up rather quickly.” He breathed in deeply on the cigarette, his unshaven cheeks caving under the pressure. Sirius absently licked at his lips.

“Yeah, how so?” Sirius asked, his eyes fixed on the pucker of Remus’ lips around the cigarette.

“Come on, you two,” Peter tried, timidly, to stop the awkward conversation.

“You wouldn’t want to hear all the sordid details. But it _blew_ my mind, if you follow my meaning.” His eyes flitted up to meet Sirius’ gaze for a moment, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly.

“Remus, you dog!” James shouted, ruffling his dark blonde hair. “So, she’s really something?” Remus paused for a moment before meeting Sirius’ eyes determinedly, with an unnerving smile.

“Oh, **_she_** is incredible.” Remus showed all his teeth.

Sirius gasped dramatically. “You son of a bitch!” Remus’ expression must have looked awfully cocky to anyone else, to James, to Peter, but Sirius could only see it as desperation not to dissolve into full laughter. “You know how I feel about **_her_** ,” Sirius barked back, a laugh hiding in his own voice, as he launched himself at Remus, kneeling over him on the bench and throwing soft punches into his stomach.

Remus broke down, his shoulders quaking with laughter, the cigarette falling from his lips into the grass between his feet as he tried feebly to block Sirius’ attack. The laugh Sirius had been hiding bubbled up through his throat – Remus’ laugh was his weakness, especially one this sincere. Remus finally took hold of his wrists, pulling them out to each side, leaving Sirius to fall into him, and with his back to James and Peter, Sirius buried his lips into Remus’ hair, whispering indecent things into his ear.

“You possessive little prat,” Remus laughed softly, giving Sirius a gentle shove.

“What … what the fuck is happening right now?” James asked, his voice an octave higher than it should have been, and Sirius had to walk away, only making it a few steps before he doubled over in hysterics.

“They’ve absolutely gone mental,” Peter said flatly. “They fought so long, they went insane.”

“ _Are_ they fighting? I can’t tell if they’re fighting.” James looked on in shock.

“Yes! We’re fighting!” Sirius shouted, unable to hide his laugh, and Remus copied it.

“Yes, we’re very angry!” Remus yelled back, leaning his head back to wipe away the tears from his eyes, as Peter and James continued to exchange confused glances.

“In fact, I’m so angry at him,” Sirius said, pulling Remus up by the collar, and Remus couldn’t help but look anything but delighted. “I’m going to take him to the Quidditch pitch and give him a real thrashing.”

James stood still, mouth half-open, eyebrow half-cocked. “ _What_?” As they both ignored him, walking off in the direction of the pitch, James cried “Where’s Lily?” in a panicked squeak.

“We’re making it too easy for them,” Remus laughed, slinging his arm around Sirius’ neck, with neither of them worrying who was looking on.

 

**_ James  _ **

 

“Lily, it’s time,” James said in a desperate voice, grabbing Lily’s hand and unceremoniously yanking her from her chair in the Common Room. Marlene and Alice were both sitting there, and they both squawked about Lily not being at his every beck and call, but neither of them knew what was at stake.

“Time for what?” Lily shrieked, as James dragged her down the stairs, through the corridors and out onto the castle grounds. Peripherally, James couldn’t help but note how everyone was suddenly watching the two of them race frantically toward a very empty Quidditch pitch, hand-in-hand, but he had more important things to worry about. The most important being that he was fairly certain that Remus and Sirius were definitely not fighting, which only left him wondering why they weren’t.

“You were right. There’s something going on here,” James said, breathless, as he ran with Lily in tow.

“And that’s reason to drag me through the whole bloody castle?” she huffed, the two of them having only made it halfway to the pitch.

“They’re cracking up, Lil,” he said, wide-eyed, as he looked back at her, and he convinced himself that maybe that look she gave him wasn’t from being pleased with his use of a nickname for her.

“What are you on about, Potter?” she asked, her voice sounding almost _too_ exasperated, like she was over-correcting for the expression on her face, which was giving her away.

“Sirius and Remus,” James finally replied, their pace slowing. “They’re fighting again. But not.”

“Not?” Lily asked, the tone of her voice softening back to its normal ease.

“No, Lil, you should’ve seen it.” The pitch was nearing, James lowered his voice, unsure of exactly where Sirius and Remus had gone. “They were laughing. Together.”

“That’s … good, right?” she asked, confused.

“Well, yeah, right, but …” he trailed off, leaning in past the gate, glancing around for sign of them. “But they’re still talking shit to each other. Laughing and talking shit.”

“Isn’t that what you Marauders do?” Lily asked with a sarcastic smile.

James looked back at her so that he could dramatically roll his eyes. “No. Well, yes. Shut up.” As soon as he turned his attention back to the gate, he ducked, pulling Lily down with him. “There they are.”

They crouched, and James noticed that Lily’s hand had remained in his, without fail. When she finally slipped her fingers away, it was only to steady herself, and she first placed his hand on the ground, and then her own on top of it. If Remus and Sirius _had_ been saying anything, James would have missed it. A Hungarian Horntail could have flown over, and James would have missed it.

Remus and Sirius stood, facing each other, toward the center of the pitch, but close enough that they could be heard speaking. That is, if they spoke up. For a moment, they exchanged words under their breaths, and James wondered if maybe they really would fight again, but neither of them made a move toward the other.

“Why is Remus wearing Sirius’ shirt?” Lily asked, and James snapped back to their mission, leaning in to see that, in fact, Remus had on Sirius’ threadbare Pink Floyd t-shirt. “That’s weird.”

“It’s not _that_ weird. We all kind of share a wardrobe,” James argued, and Lily groaned.

“Is there anything normal about _any_ of you?” she asked, pinching the bridge of her nose, her freckles bunching up around her eyes. James lowered his glasses, looking at her over the tops of them.

“Normal? Definitely not.” The pink suddenly in her cheeks was impossible to miss, it made the green of her eyes seem that much brighter.

“What are they doing?” she suddenly hissed, her eyes wide, and James looked back over just in time to see Sirius stalking Remus, half-crouched, as Remus backed away, hands out in front of him.

“Padfoot, don’t you do it,” Remus warned, a cautious smile on his lips.

“Aw, come on, Moony,” Sirius coaxed. “I think you’ll like it.” Out of the corner of his eye, James watched Lily pull her lips into her teeth, her cheeks growing a darker shade of pink. James wondered what it was that she knew about them that made her blush so consistently when they were around. He’d noticed it last night at dinner, too, but there hadn’t even been anything said worth blushing over.

“I will _not_ like it. I hate it. I loathe it,” Remus argued, with a whine in his voice, as if he knew he didn’t have a choice in the matter, where Sirius was concerned, and James understood that feeling fully.

“But your laugh is the best laugh, Moons,” Sirius said before making a lunge towards Remus, which Remus avoided smoothly, taking several long steps back from Sirius’ wriggling fingers.

James nodded. “Ah.”

“Ah?” Lily repeated, looking at him as if he were crazy.

“Remus hates to be tickled,” he said with a shrug. Lily’s expression deepened.

“You all know far too much about each other,” she remarked, looking practically disgusted, and James couldn’t help but laugh. He certainly couldn’t argue. “Besides, who hates being tickled?”

“Probably not you.” Immediately, James reached over and pinched Lily’s ribs. She let out a tiny squeak, and James’ hand went over her mouth, but when he couldn’t hold in his boisterous laughter, her hand went over _his_ mouth. When their eyes met, James swallowed, letting his fingers slip away, his thumb brushing over her lips. As it did, Lily’s hand curled tightly around the collar of his t-shirt, brushing against his collarbone underneath. He could feel Lily’s soft, shallow breath against the knuckles of his hand – he’d never been this close to her before, and he wondered if she could feel the spike in his heart rate through his fingertips.

The brush of her fingernails against his collarbone echoed somewhere deep in his stomach, rising up into the channels of his throat, and he swallowed to keep it down. For the first time, with Lily looking at him the way he had always wished she would, he felt like he could lean forward and press his lips against hers, and maybe she wouldn’t pull away. Maybe she didn’t hate him. He forgot about his friends, who were keeping secrets from him. He forgot that they were supposed to be undercover. All he knew is that if he didn’t take this opportunity, he may not get another one. With a breath, he let his lips part. But Lily’s attention become distracted, and she looked out onto the pitch, mouth dropping open.

“Look, look,” she said insistently, and James let his eyes close for just a moment, before following her gaze. Sirius had caught Remus, one leg locked around Remus’ hips, as his hands moved determinedly over Remus’ torso. “Tell me _that’s_ not weird.” Her face looked like she had just proved something.

“It’s really not,” James sighed, removing his glasses, so he could ignore the shock on her face. “Sirius can get carried away when he wants something. He once stripped naked because Peter said he could have his hi-fi if he ran starkers through the Common Room. We had to hold him down to get his clothes back on.”

Lily’s mouth formed a thin line. “Brazen nudity is common in your dorm, is it?”

“You’re welcome to come find out for yourself some time,” James smiled politely, and the rose blush on her cheeks was deeper than he’d ever seen it. She looked quickly back toward the pitch, clearing her throat, but James couldn’t bring himself to look away from her, until she let out a satisfied huff at what she saw.

“Doesn’t look like he hates it to me,” she commented, and James followed her line of sight. Sirius and Remus had fallen to the grass, Sirius straddled over him, his fingers still squirming against Remus’ ribs. Remus’ head was thrown back in a deep laugh, morning sunlight bouncing off the hair curled around his ears.

“Sirius, I’ll kill you!” Remus shouted between laughs, struggling to catch a breath, his legs flailing.

“No,” James said, watching them. “It doesn’t.” As he thought about it, he wasn’t ever sure he’d seen Remus actually _get_ tickled by anyone. James only knew he hated it because Remus had told them so. And because whenever Sirius tried, Remus would punch him in the gut. In reality, it looked like he was enjoying it _immensely_. The more James looked, the more he wondered – had he _ever_ seen Remus laugh like this? It was so genuine, and full, and unreserved. One glance at Lily told him she was likely wondering the same thing.

“You can’t kill me, Remus,” Sirius said, his fingers slowing to a stop, hovering over Remus’ ribs. Even from the distance, James could see the muscles along Remus’ neck tense as he swallowed.

“And why is that?” he asked, his laughter easing back into a state of calm that surprised James. It wasn’t that Remus was uptight. He just kept himself calculated. Everything he did was with purpose – every look, every word, every smile was thought over meticulously before given. James always attributed it to the vigilance it took to keep a secret like the one Remus kept – having to be wary of every word he said, always in fear that he would give himself away. Even though Remus knew he could be himself with his Marauders, the habit of quietly keeping things to himself stuck. But _this_ – this was different. There was no premeditation. James could see it in his eyes, hear it in his breath. He could practically feel it drifting over on the breeze.

Sirius moved his hands from Remus’ chest, placing them on either side of Remus’ head, still perched over his hips. For the first time, James noticed Remus’ fingers, at his sides, absently fidgeting with the frayed holes on the knees of Sirius’ jeans, stained from the freshly-cut grass underneath them.  

Sirius spoke. “You’d be so bored without me.” Remus blinked slowly, like falling asleep.

“And you’d go mental without a fight to start,” Remus laughed, but it still wasn’t anything like the laughs that James was used to hearing. Not a sharp, sarcastic laugh, or a discreet, subdued laugh. A breathy, soft, inviting laugh that made James wish he could hear Lily laugh like that.

“I can fight with James.” Sirius argued, and the corner of Remus’ mouth pressed in, forming a dimple.

“Not like you do with me,” he said, barely audible, and Sirius took in a breath. With a furrow in his brow, he looked over at Lily, to find that Lily was already watching him. At first, it seemed like she was waiting for his response, but the moment his eyes were on her, the expression on her face changed. Her lips closed, she clenched her jaw, the muscle in her temple rising. Green eyes wide, scattering across James’ features, she began anxiously nibbling her bottom lip, drawing the attention of James’ eyes. Not stopping to think, he leaned in, brushing his fingertips up the side of her arm. He couldn’t lose a second chance.

“JAMES!” he heard Peter’s voice shout from outside the pitch, and it not only broke apart his moment with Lily, it also drew the attention of Remus and Sirius straight to where they were crouched.

“Shit,” Lily hissed, and James lowered his head to hide his grin.

 

**_ Remus  _ **

 

“Maybe they didn’t take the bait,” Sirius hummed, the words in his throat echoing into Remus’ stomach, where Sirius’ chin was perched. They were lying in the short grass near the center of the Quidditch pitch – Remus had made sure they stayed relatively close to the gate, so that when James and Lily followed, they’d have a prime view, while still thinking that they were hidden.

“They’ll come,” Remus replied calmly, resting his head over onto his own shoulder, so he could get a better look at Sirius, whose grey eyes were already looking back up at him.

“I’ve got to find a way to make you laugh like that more often,” Sirius grinned, running his tongue over his canines. “I’m bloody helpless to that laugh, you know.” Remus pursed his lips, trying not to appear too pleased with that admission. At the same time, he was trying to listen for evidence of James and Lily’s arrival.

“How do you plan on that, then?” Remus wondered absently. For a moment, Sirius was quiet.

“Oh,” Sirius suddenly breathed out, the hot air falling onto Remus’ stomach, and he met Sirius’ gaze quickly, in the back of his mind wondering how much time they had before James and Lily showed up. But the look on Sirius’ face wasn’t of lust, it was complete and utter mischief. Remus rose an eyebrow.

“Whatever you’re planning …” he started as Sirius stood, pulling Remus along with him.

“Not planning anything,” Sirius said, turning the corners of his mouth down, as if it made him look more mature, but Remus knew better. He started to press the matter, when he heard strained voices.

“They’re here,” Remus said quietly, nodding over to the gate. Sirius stole a glance.

“Alright, then I lied. Time for the plan.” His eyes lit up.

“What plan?” Remus asked, warily, under his breath.

“How could I have forgotten this, Moony?” Sirius taunted excitedly, bending his knees, as if getting ready to pounce. “It’s practically my life’s goal.”

“Your life’s wh –” Remus wondered out loud, his thought cut-off, as Sirius began twiddling his fingers out in front of him. “Please tell me you’re kidding. _That’s_ your life’s goal?”

“Since first year, Moony,” Sirius grinned maniacally. Remus grit his teeth.

“I’m going to punch you, I swear to Godric Gryffindor, you know I will.”

Sirius shook his head. “No, I don’t think you hate it. I think you just don’t like being touched. But you _really_ like being touched by _me_.” His voice got purposefully low, he bit down hard on his bottom lip, and Remus mirrored it involuntarily. Realizing that James and Lily were looking on, he played along.

“Padfoot, don’t you do it,” he warned, projecting his voice for their onlookers to hear, a nervous laugh hiding within it. Early on, he’d told his roommates he hated being tickled, because he was uncomfortable being that close to another person. If they got carried away, they might feel his scars, or hit a bruise that hadn’t healed, or Remus might end up hurting _them_. Years later, when Sirius _still_ had this unhealthy fascination, Remus was certain that if Sirius ever did pin him to the floor with his hips, Sirius would get a crotch _full_ of precisely how bad Remus had it for him. Remus had to punch him in the stomach to keep him off. Now? Remus was trying to gently introduce James to his feelings for Sirius, not present him with literal _hard_ evidence of it.

“Aw, come on,” Sirius winked, with the eye kept hidden from their audience. “I think you’ll like it.”

“I will not like it. I hate it. I loathe it,” he said, with a pathetic whine in his voice. This was not going to end in any other way than Sirius writhing on top of him, and he had no way to stop it. Sirius always got his way.

“But your laugh is the best laugh, Moons,” Sirius whimpered, using the tenderness in his voice as a distraction, as he made a grab for Remus’ waist. Remus knew Sirius far too well, and he side-stepped the attempt effortlessly, adding to the steps between them.

As Remus glanced over to the gate, where Lily and James were crouched, he stopped. James’ fingers brushed delicately over Lily’s lips, and she curled her fingers into the collar of his shirt.

“Pads!” Remus hissed excitedly to Sirius, who promptly pressed himself tight to Remus and wrapped a single leg over Remus’ hip. While James and Lily were distracted, he let his hips press deep into Remus’.

“Caught you,” Sirius whispered into Remus’ ear, and Remus let out a slow breath, looking away from James and Lily as soon as they looked back. When they did, Sirius instantly began wiggling his fingers up and down Remus’ ribcage, and Remus couldn’t hold in his laughter. Nor could he escape from Sirius’ clutches. Sirius’ skillful touch spread, and Remus seized at the middle, falling into the grass, with Sirius not far behind.

“Sirius, I’ll kill you!” he shouted through his laughter, failing to breathe for more reason than that. From where Sirius was straddling his hips, and with Remus arching up into him, it was clear than neither of them was going to leave the pitch without everyone else getting an eyeful. Not like Lily hadn’t already, anyway.

“You can’t kill me, Remus,” Sirius smiled softly, his hands slowing, sliding down Remus’ ribs. All at once, Remus felt helpless in avoiding being caught this way – desperately hard-up for his best friend – but entirely content with letting it happen. There was no place in the world he’d rather be than underneath Sirius Black.

“And why is that?” Remus wondered, not even trying to keep the song from his voice. Sirius moved his hands, planting them in the grass next to Remus’ head, leaning into him.

“You’d be so bored without me.” With Sirius so close, Remus caught the residue of menthol still on his lips, and he was a moment away from leaping up and claiming them with his own.

He stopped himself, wondering how many stops he had left. “And you’d go mental without a fight to start,” he laughed, full of breath, and Sirius sucked it in like cigarette smoke.

“I can fight with James,” Sirius argued, and Remus smirked, victorious.

“Not like you do with me,” Remus exhaled, sliding his hand up Sirius’ thigh, forgetting entirely that James and Lily were spectators to this whole event. Sirius breathed in sharply at Remus’ touch, instantly folding over to bury his lips in Remus’, and Remus reciprocated, driving his fingers through Sirius’ hair.

“JAMES!” Peter’s voice drew them out, shaking Remus from their privacy and reminding him that there was no privacy to begin with. His eyes quickly darted over to where James and Lily were crouched and, considering James wasn’t staring on in shock, Remus knew he’d missed that last moment.

Sirius groaned loudly, straightening his back, but not removing himself from where he was straddled over Remus’ hips. As Remus propped himself up onto his elbows, he noticed that James and Lily were finally looking in their direction. The look on James’ face told Remus he _hadn’t_ seen the kiss – he looked angry, and Remus couldn’t blame him. Now he knew that his two best friends were making him sick over nothing.

“There goes the plan,” Sirius sighed, rolling off Remus and resting next to him in the grass as James, Lily, and now Peter, came walking over to where they lay.

“Not much of a fight, if you ask me,” James snapped, and Remus watched Lily delicately place her fingers onto James’ forearm, to calm him. It distracted him, but not for long.

“Prongs, wait,” Sirius stood, holding out his hands.

“Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been over you?” James yelled, his eyes glossing as he blinked, his voice breaking under the strain. Sirius’ gaze fell, he tucked his falling hair behind his ear.

“Yeah,” Sirius admitted softly, his jaw clenching

“And what? You thought you’d get a good laugh out of it?” His hazel eyes bore holes through Sirius, as Remus remained curled on the grass, hoping that Sirius wouldn’t explode in a sudden barrage of the truth. In the back, Peter sulked, trying not to remind everyone that he had effectively outed them all.

“It’s not what you think,” Remus sighed as he stood. James’ fury directed onto him.

“For Godric’s sake, please explain it then, Moony!” Remus let out a short breath, his hands shaking at his sides, as he prepared himself to finally say it loud. Sirius eyes shifted nervously between them.

“James, I’m in lo-” Remus started, but Lily interrupted.

“It was me,” she said quickly, looking knowingly at Remus, urging him to shut up. Remus stiffened, eyes curious and wide, as Lily continued. “I set it all up. It was a prank. All of it.”

Sirius scoffed, shaking his head as he took Lily by the arm. “Evans, stop. He needs to kn-”

“Shut up, Black!” she snapped. Sirius ground his teeth. “I bribed them into it a while ago. Consider it payback for all your trouble over the years.” Remus put his head in his hands. He couldn’t let Lily take the blame for this – what if it ruined the chance between her and James?

“Lily, please,” Remus begged, looking up to see her quickly swipe her hands across her face, a sprinkle of tears splashing over her fingertips. She turned to James, stepping in close.

“It went too far,” she whispered, linking her forefinger into his. “I’m sorry.” James let out a heavy breath, holding her gaze for a moment before his anger collapsed around him.

“Was all this part of it?” he asked, motioning between Remus and Sirius, before his eyes fell onto Remus. “Did you two know we were following you all this time?”

“We did, actually,” Remus replied honestly, and Lily’s eyes met his instantly.

“Remus, what do you say we go for that chocolate I owe you for this?” Lily said, her words rushed as she tugged at his arm, with a glance over at Sirius. “You’ll get your bottle of firewhisky when I get back, but don’t give away any of my secrets.” She smiled sweetly, but Remus could feel the tension behind it, as she linked her arm in his, pulling him back out the gate. His eyes found Sirius, and Sirius looked panicked.

Once they had made it some distance from the pitch, Lily spoke. “What are you playing at, Remus?” she hissed, continuing to walk quickly over the grounds.

“Oh, come off it,” Remus bit back, much less quietly, and Lily startled at his tone as he tore his forearm from her grasp. “What are _you_ playing at, exactly? Do you _want_ James to hate us? Want the school to find out we’re poofs? _Thank you_ , Lily.” She stopped walking, and Remus looked back to find her mouth form a thin line.

“Hate you? That’s a lot of faith you have in someone you call your best friend.”

“That doesn’t matter!” Remus shouted. Lily flinched. “You had _no_ right!”

“And you shouldn’t be lying to him!” she shouted back. Remus put his fingers to his temples.

“You know what? You’re right,” Remus scoffed. “We shouldn’t have lied to him. Which is why, when we found out you had convinced him to **_spy_** on us, we decided to let him find out the truth for himself.”

Lily’s face softened, as she closed her eyes. “And then Peter ruined it.”

“And then Peter ruined it,” Remus repeated, irritated, running his hands over his face for a moment before turning to face her. “Sirius kissed me just now. Right in the middle of the pitch. Did he see that?”

“No.” Her jaw clenched tightly as she swallowed, her cheeks flushed, and Remus knew. 

“Why is that, Lily?” Remus asked, knowingly. Lily was silent. “It’s because he was looking at _you_. Which is the only other reason we haven’t told him.” Lily’s attention snapped back.

“What?” she scoffed. “What reason?” Remus blew a puff of air into his hair, curls scattering across his forehead as he stepped forward, voice low.

“Because spying on _us_ meant the two of you would be spending a great deal of time together.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she shrieked, and Remus rolled his eyes.

“Will you cut out the theatrics, please?” He let out a groan. “Say whatever you want, but you have some sort of feelings for James Potter. Otherwise, you would have just told him straightaway that you saw me groping Sirius at the party.” Her cheeks went bright red, he assumed at his choice of words.

“It wasn’t right for me to just _tell_ him,” she argued.

“But it was alright to invade very personal moments that we were obviously trying to keep secret,” he said calmly, reasonably, trying to demonstrate how little sense her actions made.

Lily’s shoulders dropped from their defensive position. “I’m so sorry, Remus.”

“Tell me you did it to spend time with James. Tell me I’m right,” he half-commanded. For a moment, she looked at him, as if begging him not to make her say it out loud. Finally, she caved, letting out a long breath and burying her face into her anxious, trembling hands.

“God, I wish you weren’t,” she said, her voice mumbled from within her fingers. Finally, Remus’ intimidating exterior melted, and he took Lily into his arms, despite her surprise.

“Then why did you take the blame for us?” he asked, his voice coming out gentler than even he expected, and Lily let out a sigh in response. “What if this screws up what you have with James?”

“Didn’t you see how mad he was at you two? I had to do something. This was _my_ fault.”

“We could have just told him the truth!” Remus laughed, but his laugh was strained. He pulled her back, holding her by the shoulders with a sympathetic look on his face. She shook her head, face still buried.

“Which is _also_ my fault. I was forcing you to tell him before you were ready. You looked terrified.”

Remus dropped his hands. “But you were right. He needs to know.”

“I guess we both need to have a chat with Mr. Potter, don’t we?” As Remus leaned down to look at her squarely in the face, she peeked at him through her fingers, and he smiled.

“Each in our own time.”

 

All evening passed, and Remus hadn’t seen Sirius since their kiss on the pitch. If it had been a class day, Remus might not have been as concerned, Sirius didn’t necessarily have perfect class attendance. But he never went missing on the weekend, especially not since he and Remus had been together. Sirius hadn’t even shown up in the Great Hall for dinner, and that was the most damning evidence of all.

For the most part, Remus had been avoiding James and Peter. Neither of them was too thrilled that Remus and Sirius had never been fighting to begin with, after everything they went through in trying to figure out how to resolve it. He couldn’t blame them. He had planned for he and Sirius to sit them both down, so that they could hear the truth, but Remus hadn’t seen Sirius since.

After the end of dinner, Sirius still hadn’t shown. After their display at the Quidditch pitch, when James _was_ around, he didn’t speak much. But he’d been casting Remus glances, as if he was still unsure what exactly was going on between Remus and Sirius, likely wondering if he should be worried about Sirius’ absence. Peter had tried to spark up innocuous conversation, but it was hardly even worth the effort.

“Where is he, Prongs?” Remus finally asked as they left the Great Hall, worry apparent in his voice.

James paused, pressing his forehead between his fingers. “Since you two are so keen on keeping secrets, why don’t _you_ tell _me_?” James barked, his eyes wide. Remus’ shoulders dropped. James still didn’t know the full truth, but he knew that they _hadn’t_ been fighting, and that they kept it from him.

“I deserved that,” he sighed. “But I’m worried about him, James.” James’ expression softened.

“I haven’t seen him since the pitch.” His face contorted with concern. “I left him with Pete.”

Peter nodded. “We walked back together, but Sirius stayed out to smoke. He said he’d be right behind me, but I figured he went off to find you, Moony.” Peter’s expression was pale, like he knew he should’ve kept a better eye on Sirius. Remus reached out and squeezed his shoulder to reassure him.

“Go get the Map from the dorms,” Remus suggested. “Meet back here in 10 minutes.”

As Remus tried not to run down the corridors, and up the stairs, and all over the bloody castle, he began to hear whispering among the students he passed. Something about a fight – a _real_ fight. Nobody was clear on the details – some said it was a Ravenclaw boy from 3 rd year, others said it was the Slytherin Prefect, the only thing that was constant was the cloud of smoke billowing up from outside. When Remus rounded the corner to another corridor, he heard it. Someone was calling his name.

“Remus! Remus Lupin!” A young Hufflepuff boy he didn’t know was barreling down the hall, shouting his name, his voice gone hoarse already. Remus grabbed the boy by the robes, eyes wide.

“Where is he?” Remus shouted, knowing immediately.

“It was Sirius Black,” the younger boy repeated, voice trembling. “The one who got beat up.”

“ _Where_?” Remus barked again, and the boy cowered as he pointed down the hall.

“He collapsed down that way! He called for you!” he shouted as Remus released him violently, sprinting down the corridor. His feet pounded on the bricks underneath them, and his heart moved just the same. It felt like he ran for miles. Just as the boy said, there was a small crowd gathered around a section of the corridor.

“Move!” Remus shouted, his voice booming as he raced up on the group. The younger students in front of him startled, scrambling out of his way. The older students moved a little slower, their eyes a little wider.

“It’s alright, Moony. I’m alright,” Sirius murmured from somewhere within the crowd, as Remus pushed his way through, yanking people back by the collars of their shirts, by the necks of their robes. Finally, he reached Sirius, where he was sitting propped up against the corridor wall, blood covering the left side of his face. Remus felt his veins go cold, his hands began to shake, his vision went blinding white.

“What …” His voice faded as he knelt, reaching toward Sirius, his fingertips pressing into Sirius’ skin, into the sticky, red liquid that covered the face of the boy he loved. “What did they do to you?” Before Remus could remember that half their House was looking on, and there was a very big secret they were keeping from all of them, there were tears running down from his wide, panicked eyes, and he took Sirius’ hand.

“It’s no big deal,” Sirius tried to brush off, Remus grit his teeth harder.

“You wouldn’t be saying that if it were me,” Remus sniffled, pulling Sirius’ long hair out of the blood still dripping down his face, pushing it away so he could see the wound above his temple. It wasn’t a particularly bad wound, as far as depth was concerned, but it was long – it stretched across nearly the whole left side of his forehead, and it bled like mad. Remus pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and held it to Sirius’ face, moving his other hand behind Sirius’ neck. “Who did this to you? How did this happen?”

“I got hit with a Confundus charm,” Sirius sighed, as if irritated that he let it happen, annoyed that someone got the better of him in a fight. Remus blinked, tears streaking his cheeks.

“You saw who did it?” Remus asked, clenching and unclenching his teeth. Sirius took notice, and placed his hand, as bloody as it was, over Remus’ jaw, grazing against the stubble on his cheek with his thumb.

“Nah. It doesn’t matter, anyway. I won’t let it happen again.” Remus shuddered, bending his lanky frame so that he could put his head onto Sirius’ shoulder.

“Don’t leave my side, Padfoot,” he whispered against Sirius’ throat, and Sirius swallowed.

“Never again, love.” Remus breathed him in, the scent of Sirius’ shirt, of cigarette smoke and recklessness, and Remus flinched at the coppery smell of blood suddenly present on his pale skin.

“Let me through!” Remus heard James shout, but couldn’t convince himself to untangle from Sirius, and neither did Sirius stir to move him. They stayed just as they were as James and Peter came barging through the crowd, and at first, Remus sensed them pause at the way the two of them were huddled together.

“Padfoot,” James said, Map in hand, his breath escaping at the sight of Sirius, bloody. Remus finally pulled back from Sirius, sliding his arm across Sirius’ back, to keep him on his feet.

“It looks worse than it is,” Sirius grinned. His smile was filled with blood.

“Let’s get him to Pomfrey,” Peter said, siding up next to Sirius and working his shoulder underneath Sirius’ arm, in a manner similar to Remus. Together they pushed through the whispering crowd, starting the walk toward the hospital wing. Sirius fidgeted, his grip tightening on both Remus and Peter.

“No, no,” Sirius argued, using what little strength he had to tug against the chain they had created with him in the middle. “I don’t want to see Poppy. I just need to clean up and lie down.”

“Sirius, you’re –” Remus began, but Sirius interrupted.

“Please, Moony. I just want to go home,” Sirius sighed, glancing over at him pitifully, before hanging his heavy head, his matted, dark hair pouring down in front of his face. Peter stole a worried look at Remus.

Remus crumbled, his brave exterior giving way as he let out a shuddering breath. “Okay.” Remus finally found James’ gaze, and the anger James had in his eyes at dinner dissolved. He took Sirius’ hand, where it was slung across the back of Remus’ neck.

 “We can sort out how I’m going to pay you back for that prank _after_ we figure out which Slytherin bastard did this to him,” James said through bared teeth.

Remus glanced over, letting out an angry breath. “Agreed.”

 

**_ Sirius  _ **

 

He stood panicked, as James’ wrath descended upon him, while Lily pulled a very confused, and equally as panicked Remus away from him. Sirius swallowed as he glanced over at James, who was avoiding his gaze.

“A prank? Really?” James asked, and Sirius shrugged, totally unsure of what had just occurred over the last few moments. Assuming that James _hadn’t_ seen him kiss Remus (though it had been right in front of him), it meant Lily was now covering for them, for reasons beyond Sirius’ comprehension.

Just before Lily dragged his boyfriend away, she had said ‘ _Don’t give away any of my secrets._ ’ To Sirius, that translated to ‘ _Don’t tell James I’m in love with him and I won’t tell him you’re in love with Remus_.’ Though, Sirius had been fully prepared for James to know – he’d kissed Remus very much on purpose.

Still, he wanted Remus to be there. If he wasn’t, James might consider it as part of the prank that Sirius wasn’t willing to give up yet. In James’ defense, it wasn’t necessarily unusual for Sirius to confess his love for his Marauders, and often. James might not even take it at Sirius’ word, if he said it then.

“What can I say? She bribed me with alcohol,” Sirius smirked. James let out a heavy breath through his nostrils, grabbing Peter by the shoulder of his jumper and pulling him from the pitch.

“Sorry, Padfoot,” Peter said, half-stumbling along behind James. Sirius followed in line, lighting up a cigarette before shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

“No worries, Wormy,” Sirius mumbled, cigarette bobbing in his lips. “Do you think he’ll ever forgive me?” He directed the question at Peter but watched James carefully. James never turned. Peter pushed his lips to one side, James’ hand still curled tight against the threads of his sweater.

“I’m sure he will. He’s just mad because Evans left,” Peter chuckled, and James unclenched his fist from Peter’s sweater, only to shove it firmly into his shoulder. Peter let out a breath, and James trudged on, leaving the other two to stroll leisurely behind him.

“Pete,” Sirius sighed, a trail of smoke huffing from his lips. “Can I tell you something?”

“Hm?” Peter indicated that he was still listening, without throwing Sirius off-topic.

Sirius took a breath. “It wasn’t really a prank.” Their pace slowed as Sirius let James get further ahead of them, and Peter looked over at him, blue eyes attentive.

“You weren’t really fighting, were you?” More of a statement, really. Sirius’ breath caught on smoke.

“No,” Sirius replied on the exhale. “Not really.” For a long time, they were quiet, walking in silence back to the castle. James had disappeared, and Sirius wondered if he ever _would_ forgive him.

“I think maybe he’s jealous of it.” Peter glanced up, watching Sirius’ smoke curl up and disappear, mixing into the mid-morning fog. Sirius had to stop, blinking furiously.

“Jealous of what?” he asked, standing still. Finally, Peter stopped, too, looking back at him.

“Of Remus.” Sirius almost laughed – if Peter knew what he thought James was jealous of, he’d rethink that conclusion. Still, maybe it _was_ true. As of late, the entirety of Sirius’ focus was on Remus. Always, Remus.

“Maybe you’re right,” Sirius finally sighed.

“Come on, let’s go cheer him up,” Peter smiled, and Sirius had to smile back.

 “I’ll be right behind you,” he said, taking one more drag on his cigarette, laughing to himself. How could James be jealous of Remus? How could _any_ of them be jealous of any other? Sure, he’d been devoting himself to Remus’ attention lately, but so had James with Lily. They weren’t growing apart, they were just growing up. It didn’t mean he loved James any less than he loved Remus. Just very, _very_ differently.

Only a moment after Peter disappeared around the corner of the castle, Sirius heard a voice from somewhere close behind him. It was a Confundus charm. He’d barely heard the word, just before his head started to spin, his eyes completely unfocused on the ground in front of him, as he tried to run, tried to reach for the wand in his back pocket, tried to swing a fist at the caster. None successful. A quick blow to the side of his head sent him reeling, and he felt himself hit the ground before everything was black.

 

It felt like only a few moments had passed when he started to come to – someone was dragging him across the grass he’d only just stood upon. Except the sun was on the wrong side of the sky, red and sinking. It was evening already. And he was much closer to the Quidditch pitch than he’d been earlier, his limp body being hauled away from the equipment shed. His first thought was on Remus.

His eyes rolled in his head, struggling to land on something that wasn’t moving. With one eye closed, he directed his focus onto one of his boots, trailing in the dirt. His laces had come untied.

There was blood running down his face – he could feel his hair sticking to his forehead, feel his eyelashes matted down on one side, see the red tint on his cheekbones. Whoever it was had gotten him from behind, so it likely wasn’t someone stronger than he was, or they would’ve faced him straight on. As he listened, he could hear their labored breathing, their arms tucked tightly underneath his as they dragged him.

It was a grunt that gave him away. A grunt and yellowed fingernails – Sirius could see them wrapped around his upper arms. It was Severus Snape. Which meant Sirius could overpower him. It meant he could win.

Giving himself only a moment to orient himself, Sirius flung his weight into his feet, ripping away from Snape’s hold on him and, at the same time, skillfully whipping his wand from his back pocket. There weren’t many options at his disposal – once on his feet, he realized he could barely keep himself steady, his head was still pounding, his vision had started to go dark again. Maybe he _couldn’t_ win.

“Fumos!” he shouted, a thick cloud of black smoke storming from the tip of his wand, blanketing Snape completely, enough to where Sirius could run, or at least stumble, past him and into the castle. Snape cast a few spells to counter, Sirius could see the light from his wand flashing through the smoke, but none struck.

He didn’t stop running until he made it up the stairs inside – he thought he had made it to the Fat Lady, but the stairs had moved along the way. Through the blood in his eyes, and the waves in his head, he couldn’t tell where it was he had ended up. The corridors were empty, and he had no way to know if Snape had seen where Sirius had gone, no way to know if Snape had followed. With his hands on the walls, he felt his way down the corridor, blood matting down one eye with a blow to the head blurring the other.

 

There was someone standing in front of him. In his delirium, he called out Remus’ name.

 

He woke surrounded by a crowd of people, only just aware that he’d lost consciousness. Vaguely, he remembered seeing Remus, calling out his name. His head still pounded, he pulled himself as upright as he could, leaning against the wall, placing his hand over his head. It came back red. Again, he called for Remus, despite knowing that if he _was_ there, somewhere in the crowd, he wouldn’t be standing at a distance.

“Move!” he heard a desperate, familiar voice shout, injecting excess authority into his tone.

“It’s alright, Moony,” Sirius croaked, placing one hand on the brick underneath him. “I’m alright.” In truth, it was the furthest from alright he’d felt since escaping the Black family home, but the worry in Remus’ voice had him shaken. Not to mention, the people gathering around him were being brutally pulled back, as Remus latched onto anything that was keeping him from being at Sirius’ side. At the sea of people parted, and Remus could finally set his eyes on Sirius, he went pale, hands shaking.

“What …” His voice failed, and Sirius tried to smile, to convince him everything was okay. Remus knelt next to where Sirius was propped, his trembling hands pressing into Sirius’ skin, damp with blood. Instantly, his eyes filled with tears, scattering over the edges of Sirius’ face, focused on the place his skin was broken. In the same way, Remus’ voice broke when he finally found the words to say, “What did they do to you?”

“It’s no big deal,” Sirius assured him, though he was quite unsure, himself. Remus clenched his teeth, and Sirius knew he wasn’t buying it.

“You wouldn’t be saying that if it were me,” Remus grumbled, concentrating his attention on pulling the bloody strands of Sirius’ hair out of his wound. As soon as Remus could see it, fully uncovered, he winced, pulling a handkerchief from his pocket and holding it delicately against Sirius’ temple. “Who did this to you?” he asked, fire underneath his amber eyes. “How did this happen?”

Sirius paused, the truth on the edge of his tongue.  “I got hit with a Confundus charm.” It _was_ the truth, but he was hoping that Remus wouldn’t dig farther into it. There was only one reason he could comprehend for Snape to have attacked him the way he did. He was after the secret they all kept – Remus’ lycanthropy.

“You saw who did it?” Remus asked, blinking tears from his eyes, and tightening his jaw. Again, Sirius paused, forgetting that his hand was covered in blood as he placed it over Remus’ cheek.

“Nah,” he lied, feeling instantly guilty. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I won’t let it happen again.” His stomach churned – he hadn’t ever lied to Remus. But he couldn’t let him know that this whole thing had happened because of the secret he kept for Remus. If he knew, he’d never forgive himself. For a moment, Remus watched him warily, before letting out a staggering breath, putting his head onto Sirius’ collarbone.

“Don’t leave my side, Padfoot,” he said, his voice barely a whisper, his lips mumbled against Sirius’ neck. For the first time since Remus knelt next to him, Sirius looked up at the growing crowd of people that were watching their every move – watching Remus put his lips against Sirius’ skin.

Sirius closed his eyes, uncaring. “Never again, love.” Just as Remus breathed in, and Sirius could feel him finally coming down from the panic, James’ voice broke through the gossiping crowd.

“Let me through!” James shouted. Sirius’ eyes flicked up to see them push in, and he expected Remus to pull away from their intimate embrace, but Remus remained. As James’ eyes fell on them, they first widened at Sirius’ bloody appearance, before furrowing in confusion at Remus’ posture. He shook the expression from his face, gaze softening as he realized that Sirius was looking up at him.

“Padfoot,” he breathed out, the Marauders’ Map trembling in his hands. Sirius smiled, but by the look on James’ face, it didn’t look like his smile helped at all. Remus finally pulled away, rubbing the tears from his face as he put his shoulder underneath Sirius’ arm, managing to get him onto his feet.

“It looks worse than it is.” Sirius tried to laugh, but it echoed inside his head.

“Let’s get him to Pomfrey,” Peter sighed, joining Remus in holding Sirius upright. The mob was hesitant in letting them push through, but Remus glowered, Sirius’ bloody handprint over his face, and they shifted.

“No, no,” Sirius groaned, pulling against them as they oriented toward the hospital wing. “I don’t want to see Poppy. I just need to clean up and lie down.” Sirius just wanted this to go away. First of all, he didn’t want any sort of inquiry into this – Remus didn’t need the attention, if the truth ever came to light. Second, he didn’t want to admit that Severus fucking Snape had gotten the better of him, even if it he had done it in the most cowardly way. Besides, just looking at James told him that there would be retribution, and that was enough.

“Sirius, you’re –” Remus started to argue, but Sirius stopped him, looking over at him as pathetically as possible. Remus’ expression immediately went soft.

“Please, Moony,” he sighed, and he pretended that he let his head fall deliberately, in an attempt for sympathy. The truth was, it was getting harder to keep his head on his shoulders. “I just want to go home.”

“Okay,” Remus replied softly, and they turned to limp back to the dorms. As Sirius drifted in and out of awareness, he felt James’ hand on his, where it was draped over Remus’ shoulder.

James voice was pure rage as he spoke to Remus. “We can sort out how I’m going to pay you back for that prank after we figure out which Slytherin bastard did this to him.” Remus seethed.

“Agreed.”

 

At some point in the trip, Sirius figured he must’ve blacked out again, because he woke up, lying in his own bed, nestled in between a long pair of legs. Remus’ legs, he quickly realized. He could feel himself propped against Remus’ chest. There was a cold cloth blotting delicately over the wound on his forehead, the blood that had matted his eye shut had been cleaned away. As Sirius shifted, his head pressed further into Remus’ chest, and he groaned at the pain it caused. Remus’ arms stiffened, and he sunk down a little lower, curling into Sirius.

“Stay still, Pads,” Remus whispered, leaning in to press his lips to Sirius’ ear. “I’ve got you.”

“Moony,” Sirius groaned, sliding his hand over Remus’ knee, letting his head fall back onto Remus’ shoulder. “Should I be here like this? What about James and Peter? They’ll figure us out.” Remus slipped one arm around Sirius’ waist, leaving the damp cloth to rest freely on his forehead, to free the other hand. He tucked a lock of Sirius’ hair behind his ear.

“Let them.” He ghosted fine kisses along the spine of Sirius’ ear, his warm breath rolling down the back of Sirius’ neck. “Besides, they put you here.”

“What? Did you tell them?” Sirius asked, slightly disappointed that he hadn’t been awake for it.  

“No, I didn’t tell them yet,” Remus laughed softly. “James didn’t want you to lie flat, said something about choking on your own blood.” Remus took a breath, as if the statement he’d just made had unnerved him.

“Where did they go?” Sirius drew circles around Remus’ kneecap with his fingertip.

“Peter went to get advice from Poppy. James … James is …” he trailed off, as if trying to figure out how to word it, but Sirius knew. James was out trying to get information about who did it. To get payback.

“Yeah,” Sirius replied quietly. “Tell him not to bother.”

“Then you _do_ know who did it.”

“No,” Sirius said quickly. “I just don’t think it matters.”

“Sirius,” Remus said, taking another breath, pushing Sirius’ hair to one side, to keep it away from the left side of his head, to keep it out of the gash along his skin. “You were missing all day. It _matters_.”

“I got hit with a stray Confundus charm,” he lied, trying to turn his head to look at Remus, before realizing it hurt quite a bit to do so. “And I guess I lost my balance and hit my head. It was an accident.”

Remus’ grip tensed around his waist. “Peter said you two were alone when you walked back from the pitch. And you were alone when he went into the castle. It wasn’t a stray shot. Someone cast it _at_ _you_. To hit _you_.” Sirius remembered the panic in his chest, trying to flee from an unknown assailant.

“That’s ridiculous,” Sirius scoffed, trying not to leave the conversation open to continue, but he should have known better. Remus was too clever to believe it had been an accident.

“I think it’s because of us,” Remus said swiftly, bowing his head and resting it on Sirius’ shoulder.

“Because of us?”

“We … us, together. Some people think it’s … that we’re …”

Sirius’ face went solemn. “You think they hit me because I’m gay.”

“Yeah.” Remus let out a hard breath against Sirius’ skin. “I do.” Remus’ fingers fidgeted with a hole in Sirius’ shirt as Sirius considered telling him the truth. He couldn’t decide which was worse – in either case, he was taking the beating to protect a secret that Remus was keeping. At least in this scenario, he had some control, some obvious involvement in that secret. He wondered if Snape knew _that_ secret, somehow.

Before he could speak, he realized, very sharply, that it was unlikely that Snape knew about he and Remus – because the whole school thought they were fighting. And if that were the case, if they actually had been fighting, maybe Snape thought that Sirius would give Remus up, more easily than otherwise.

“What if you’re right?” Sirius asked, digging himself deeper into the lies he was telling Remus. A part of him didn’t want to admit, to Remus or to himself, that his decision to start a fictional fight with Remus had nearly put Remus’ life in danger. If something had happened to Remus, it would’ve been his fault.

Remus pressed his lips to Sirius’ collarbone, underneath his shirt. “We just have to be more careful,” he said, and Sirius could hear the sadness in his voice. “Lay low for a while. As much as I hate to say it.”

“What about James?” The rhythm of Remus’ breath stopped for a moment.

“I don’t think we can tell him now.” Sirius closed his eyes.

 

Closing his eyes had been a mistake. All he could see was yellowing fingernails. All he could hear was the sound of his own half-conscious body being dragged across the castle grounds. All he could feel was the thrashing inside his own head and that word over and over – _Confundus, Confundus, Confundus_ – in that _voice_.

It was somewhat like a dream, in that he had no control over the direction. But it _wasn’t_ just a dream, he knew that, and he _still_ had no control. Inside the equipment shed on the Quidditch pitch, feeling the sun burrowing through the cracks in the wood, smelling the distant grass that he and Remus had only just been lying on, _kissing_ on, and bearing the weight of his limbs that suddenly felt too heavy to lift.

A voice from somewhere behind him asked a question. In the dream, this not-dream, Sirius grunted, the air in his lungs feeling stagnant and dead. He couldn’t hear the question, but he knew what had been asked.

“What are they hiding?” The voice was spoken in a hush, but it thundered in his head.

“Fuck you,” Sirius had said, hidden in the grunt, lost inside the pain. He could see the red pool underneath him, gathering lazily in the grey dirt on which he laid, immobile.

“I know you’ve been fighting with them. At least _one_. You want to win the fight, don’t you?” The thick drawl of his voice turned Sirius’ stomach, and he would’ve emptied it, had he the strength.

“Again. Fuck … you,” Sirius breathed out, the dust swirling around his lips, settling in between his teeth, dusting around his eyelashes. He blinked to keep it from getting into his eyes. It got in anyway.

A breath, annoyed. “You can get back at him. Just tell me what it is.” Sirius tried to even his breathing, to make the clashing in his head go away.

“Eat shit, you miserable cu-” Another blow to the back of his head. Sirius saw black.

 

**_ Remus  _ **

 

“ ** _MOONY_**!” Torn from sleep, Remus blindly leapt from his bed, feet slamming on the floorboards underneath him as he raced toward the opposite end of the dorm, toward Sirius, who was _screaming_ his name.

In his bed, Sirius sat straight up, eyes open wide but blank, glazed, with tears streaming down his reddened cheeks. The sounds coming from his throat were terrifying – his voice was raw, shattered.

“Pads, I’m here,” he said, shaking Sirius’ shoulders. “I’m here, it’s okay.” Finally, Sirius startled, scrambling quickly away from Remus before his eyes focused on him.

“Moony?” His voice trembled, breath coming out in broken steps. Remus climbed into his bed, taking Sirius into his arms and holding the boy tightly against him.

“It’s me, Sirius. It’s Moony.” Sirius’ shoulders shook violently within Remus’ arms, his breathing rapid and short. Remus placed his lips into Sirius’ hair, careful to avoid the gash on his forehead, but quickly realizing that his lips were pressed to an equally swollen knot at the back of Sirius’ head.

“I won’t let you get to him,” Sirius mumbled incoherently into Remus’ bare chest. “I won’t let you get to my Moony.” Remus’ eyes widened as he looked up, finding James and Peter standing at the edge of Sirius’ bed. The look on James’ face was both stricken and unforgiving, all at once. Remus wasn’t sure if they’d heard the last of what Sirius had said, but he was certain they’d heard him screaming Remus’ name.  

“It’s just a nightmare,” he assured the two of them, as well as himself.

“This isn’t the nightmare, Moony. He’s _remembering_ the nightmare,” Peter stated of Sirius’ missing time, with a sickened expression. James’ jaw tightened – Remus was afraid he’d cracked a tooth.

“What did he tell you?” James asked, looking closely at Remus. There wasn’t anything he could admit to, not without admitting what he and Sirius were. No matter what Sirius said, Remus was positive, now more than before, that this had to do with their relationship. Sirius had said it himself, “ _I won’t let you get to **my** Moony.” _ Someone knew about them, and they were taking out their disapproval on Sirius.

“He said he didn’t know who did it,” Remus stated truthfully. But all three boys around the bed, watching Sirius tremor with fear, knew differently.

 

They’d been up most of the night. Sirius hadn’t exactly been eager to return to sleep after the night terrors, and the rest of the Marauders weren’t about to let him stay up by himself. The night had gone by quickly, playing games and talking. It was a lot like their first few years, and Remus almost felt nostalgic.

When Sirius finally dozed off, his head on Remus’ shoulder, with James and Peter sitting on the end of Sirius’ bed, legs crossed, the other three stayed awake, nerves still shaken from waking up to Sirius screaming until his throat was raw. They spent a good while longer talking about what they thought might have happened, who might’ve done this to their best friend. Remus didn’t add his own theory.

In the morning, James took Sirius to Madam Pomfrey. Of course, Sirius threw a fit, as expected, but in the end, James hadn’t given him much of a choice – he would’ve carried him to the hospital wing, if Sirius wouldn’t go willingly. Eventually, one look at Remus had Sirius giving in.

Remus tried not to be on edge as they walked to class. James had come back, with no Sirius – Pomfrey wanted to keep him for observation and to work some advanced healing spells on his wounds. Which was fine. Good, even. Except that Sirius would be alone in the hospital wing, with no one to watch over him. Whoever it was that had attacked Sirius in the first place now had him completely vulnerable and alone.

“Remus?” he heard, shaking him from his worried thoughts. Glancing over, he saw a Ravenclaw girl, knowing only that she was in her seventh year, as the Marauders were.

“Hi,” he said, a furrow in his brow, hoping he wasn’t expected to remember her name, especially while his mind was on Sirius, alone in the hospital wing.

“It’s Katherine. Wright.” She looked at him expectantly – he just blinked in response.

“Hi, Katherine,” he stated awkwardly, glancing over at James and Peter, who were both looking at him strangely – more so than usual. The girl seemed a bit thrown off by Remus’ absence in their conversation.

“We’re … a few of us are planning a spring dance. A proper send-off for the seventh years,” she said, her expression glowing. Still, Remus was missing how he was involved in that thought at all.

“Sounds … fun.” He shifted uncomfortably.

“I was wondering if you’d like to go with me,” she said too quickly, a flush blossoming across her face, sharply contrasting her dark hair. Remus felt his face get hot, too.

“I … I don’t … I’m not …” he stammered, feeling cornered. He couldn’t tell her the truth.

“He’d love to go, wouldn’t you Moony?” Peter asked, elbowing him in the ribs.

“I can’t!” His voice came out in a panicked squeak, but he cleared his throat, trying again. “It’s lovely of you to ask, but I can’t. I’m sorry.” He tried not to notice James watching him from the corner of his eye.

“He can’t, Katherine. We’ve got to go _stag_ , right?” James said with a smirk. Well, someone had to make a deer joke in Sirius’ absence. Remus wasn’t sure if James was covering for him on purpose or not.  

“Yes,” Remus breathed out quickly. “Exactly. Last hurrah and all that.”

She smiled sweetly. “Well, if you change your mind.” She fluttered her eyelashes at him, and he forced a smile and a nod, wishing he could just tell her there was no chance in hell. He belonged to someone else.

As they continued to class, James held Remus back, lagging a little behind Peter. “I’m all for going stag with my mates, but what’s really going on, Moony?” Remus froze. James had covered for him, after all.

“She’s … I don’t know, Prongs, she’s not my type is all,” Remus said, flustered, waving his hand in front of his face, as if trying to dispel the air of this conversation. James just smiled, easy, like always.

“Do you even _have_ a type?” he chuckled. While Remus laughed, he couldn’t help but notice the rather focused and expectant way that James seemed to be waiting on that answer.

“I do have a type,” Remus answered with a smile. “A very odd, very specific type.”  

“And she’s not it,” James clarified, pointing with his thumb over his shoulder. Remus shook his head, wondering how deeply James was going to interrogate him.

“Afraid not,” Remus shrugged, pursing his lips.

“Tell me about this type, then,” James said. His voice slid back into his typical casual tone, but his gaze was unusually direct. Sweat had begun to bead at the back of Remus’ neck, in his palms.

“It’s a little hard to put into words,” Remus lied. It was actually the easiest thing in the world. Long, dark hair that was often tied into a bun with a wand laced with runes. Dramatically pouty lips that were often curled around the wet end of a cigarette. A perfectly unblemished face with features so sharp that you were surprised when the skin that covered them gave way underneath your fingertips. Eyes drenched in mercury that could speak anthologies with a single glance. A waist so elegantly long, it seemed endless, until it funneled into a rather glorious appendage. One that Katherine Wright most certainly did _not_ have.

“Give it a go,” James said. Remus knew he had to know something. He wasn’t giving this up.

“I’ll let you know it when I see it,” Remus responded cleverly, as if it was something he hadn’t found yet, when _it_ was something that would be stuck in the hospital wing for a while.

“You tossers are going to make me late!” Peter shouted, and James laughed loudly, pulling Remus along behind him as they ducked into the classroom just before McGonagall spelled the door closed.

 

**_ James  _ **

 

His focus was split. Half of his mind was concentrated on Sirius’ problem – how he was doing in the hospital wing, what Pomfrey was telling him about his condition, when he’d be back. He tried not to think about it too much, but he knew there had to be a reason Sirius wasn’t telling them the truth. Sirius _knew_ who had thrown that charm at him. James didn’t have to think very hard to come up with a likely suspect.

What bothered him was why Sirius would cover for _him_ , of all people, if he really had been the one who’d cast it. Even worse, why had _he_ gone after _Sirius_? James was the one he hated, for multiple obvious reasons, most of them revolving around Lily. Was that what this was about? Lily?

The most revolting part of it all was that James _actually_ believed that Snape wouldn’t do something this vile.  Sure, they weren’t exactly friends, but to hurt Sirius like this? He could have been killed. Could Snape have fallen so far down into the pit of Death Eaters that he was willing to kill a fellow student to get what he wanted?

Alternatively, the other half of his thoughts were on why Remus would turn down the offer to take a perfectly beautiful girl to a spring dance. In the way that Remus had panicked when he answered, James knew there was a more valid reason than the _‘she’s not my type’_ that Remus had given him. Was it because Remus was seeing someone else? There had been that one mystery girl that he and Sirius had been fighting over.

But, they _hadn’t_ actually been having a fight, right? It was supposed to have all been a prank set up by Lily – an excuse that James wasn’t buying. It wasn’t like Lily had never tried to prank them, but she was smarter than this. Her pranks were elaborate, even when unsuccessful. This one didn’t make sense. At all. She coerced Sirius and Remus into having a fake fight so that she could convince James to spy on them to see that they weren’t even fighting. Where was the prank?

That thought unsettled James even further – if there was no prank to being with. That left him trying to figure out what it was that Lily wanted him to see when they had actually been spying on Sirius and Remus. That there was no fight. That Sirius and Remus were closer than ever.

Did that mean that there hadn’t been a girl between them? There _had_ to be – there was evidence of it, both of them had wound up with love bites after a particularly exciting evening.

A prickling thought connected it all, but James shook it from his head. It wasn’t unreasonable for him to think that about the two of them. He’d considered it before, in fact. But they had always been a little cozy with each other. Sirius was cozy with James, too. It wasn’t unusual. Besides, they would’ve told him if it were _that_. It wasn’t some horrible secret they would feel the need to keep from him. They knew he would understand.

 

Did that mean there _was_ a horrible secret they were keeping from him?

 

In the middle of James’ thought, and in the middle of class, Sirius burst into the room, giving everyone a very good look at the giant bandage that was stuck to his forehead. He wore it like a war medal. James would put down money on Sirius begging Pomfrey to give him the biggest bandage she could find, despite how she likely healed his head injury quite successfully. There was probably nothing underneath the bandage, at all.

“Mr. Black, please take your seat,” McGonagall instructed, a little more patient with him, after she’d heard about what happened to him the day prior.

Just to test his wild theory, James waited for Sirius to take a seat – there was one open next to Remus, on the opposite side of the rest of the Marauders, and one open right next to James, behind Peter. Without stopping to think, Sirius took the seat next to James – he threw himself into it, actually. Remus didn’t even look over at him. Maybe he’d been imaging all the extra attention they’d seemed to pay each other lately.

Sirius seemed back to his old disruptive self – scribbling crude drawings onto the corners of James’ notebook, flicking balled up paper in Peter’s direction (they all got stuck in his short, blonde hair), tugging on the elbow of Remus’ sweater to get a piece of chocolate from Remus’ pocket. James felt relief – his Marauders were back. It had been a weird year, so far, but they were back. Everything was right again.

As soon as class was over, a shadow cast across his desk, and he looked up to find Lily standing there, looking expectantly at him. Remus grabbed Peter by the collar before he could make it to James’ desk, giving James a subtle wink, corralling Peter and Sirius toward the door.

“You need to tell me what happened,” Lily demanded. James looked up, over the tops of his glasses. It seemed like Lily’s cheeks went pink every time he did that. He wanted to do it again.

“What happened _what_?” he asked innocently.

“Oh, don’t do that,” she groaned.  “Everyone knows someone beat the shit out of Sirius.” James felt his face flare, wondered if Lily could see the way he clenched his teeth behind closed lips.

“Confundus. He says it was an accident,” James swallowed hard. Even _he_ knew it wasn’t an accident, not after the way Sirius had sat up screaming in his sleep. His heart pressed into his throat just thinking about the scratching, clawing, ripping sound that Sirius’ voice had made in the dark.

“I don’t buy that for a second,” Lily quipped, looking irritated, leaving James to imagine why exactly she was suddenly so interested in him and his group of misfit friends.

“Why do you care?” James outright asked. Lily looked confused. “You bribed them into making me believe that they were fighting, isn’t that right?” Her lips pressed together to form a straight line.

“Right,” she said. A lie. Why was everyone around him _lying_ to him?

“I don’t buy that for a second,” he mocked the words she had just spoken. She took a breath, leaning down closer to him for a moment, and James stunted his breathing.

“If I felt like it was my place to tell you the truth, I would. But our spying on them? That wasn’t okay, and I’m trying to make up for it.” Her face was so close, he could see the different shades of green in her eyes.

“Lily, if this is …” His thought got cut off as Sirius strode back up to his desk, evidently having wandered away from the watchful eye of Remus.

“Fishing for a date, Evans?” Sirius asked, his tone sweet, but his words bitter. James eyed Lily, but she didn’t give the reaction that Sirius had been aiming for.

“What are you on about, Black?” she snapped back. Sirius smiled.

“Pete’s told me there’s a spring dance a couple weeks from now,” Sirius hummed, glancing down at where James was shooting a dagger-filled expression at him. “Looking to ask our good Mr. Potter here?” Lily’s freckled skin bloomed red, but she kept her stony expression locked onto Sirius.

“Speaking of dates, why don’t I set you up with Marlene?” she said, strangely emphatically, and Sirius responded with narrowed eyes and angry, pursed lips.

“I’d rather _not_ go with Marlene,” he said through clenched teeth, lips curling over his canines.

“Oh? Why is that, exactly?” she baited, tilting her head innocently. Sirius let out a breath through his nostrils. Evidently, nobody had told Sirius about their plan to all go stag together. James knew about Sirius’ history with Marlene, but he never did quite figure out why Sirius had lost interest so suddenly. But, then again, Sirius had the attention span of a Cornish pixie, so it hadn’t necessarily been a shock.

“Marlene is so last year,” Sirius waved off, his grated expression dissolving quickly into a look of satisfaction, like he’d won their awkward stand-off. But Lily wasn’t letting him off the hook.

“Who’s _this_ year, then? Who do you _want_ to take to this dance?” she grinned, and the irritation instantly returned to his face. Before Sirius could say anything, Remus raced back toward James’ desk.

“I’m sorry. He got loose,” he huffed, taking Sirius by the shoulder and maneuvering him back toward the door. All the while, Sirius kept a divinely smug sneer on his lips, directed at Lily. Lily returned the look.

“Come on, Prongs, hurry up!” Sirius whined. As James gathered his books to go, Remus stepped back over to where they stood, leaning in toward Lily. James tried to ignore it as he walked toward the door.

“Can I talk to you?” Remus asked under his breath. Lily stole one wayward glance in James’ direction before nodding, hanging back with Remus. With Sirius pulling him away, James didn’t even strain to hear any of the conversation taking place behind him. Just more secrets his friends kept from him.

  

**_ Lily  _ **

 

Still seething from Sirius’ little game, Lily took a breath, trying not to direct that anger onto Remus. Even if Remus _was_ Sirius’ boyfriend and Remus _should_ better learn to control him.

“Need me to hide another secret for you, Remus?” she asked, failing miserably at not projecting. He looked a little disappointed, and she wasn’t sure if it was in her, or in himself.

“About that,” he said, taking a preparatory breath. “I know that you covered for us with James and Peter, and I know you’d never say anything about it to anyone else, even though we’ve put you in a very awkward situation, and you’re really quite wonderful for not saying anything to anyone but I …” he rambled. So much that Lily reached up and took him by the shoulders.

“Take a breath,” she laughed softly as the classroom emptied. “And spit it out.”

“You _didn’t_ actually tell anyone, did you?” he asked quickly, head down, but eyes darting up to meet hers. For a moment, she was offended that he would even ask that. After all, she had kept his lycanthropy a secret for all these years. Except that he hadn’t exactly known that she knew that one. Plus, the anxiety in his face was enough to give her pause, to remind her how delicate this secret was.

“No. I promise,” she said, giving his shoulder a squeeze. Her answer didn’t seem to help his worry.

“I was afraid you’d say that,” he sighed. When he saw her confusion, he continued. “Sirius got hit with a Confundus charm yesterday. He won’t tell me anything about it, but I think it was … because of me.”

“Because of you?” she asked, before realization hit. “Because of you _together_.” Remus nodded, chewing on his bottom lip until it became red. She was afraid it had started to bleed.

“Whoever did it really screwed him up, Lily,” Remus said in a shaking voice. “He woke up screaming last night.” A light shudder crossed his shoulders and he closed his eyes to try to shut it down. Lily’s mouth dropped open – she began to wonder if that wasn’t what jolted her from sleep last night, even through the distance between their two dorms. It terrified her to imagine Sirius screaming loudly enough to reach her.

“Oh my God,” Lily breathed out. “He had seemed so normal just now.”

“He’s overcorrecting,” Remus shook his head. Lily smiled sadly, impressed that he knew Sirius so well that he could tell when he was being himself _too_ much. “Because he’s hiding something from me.”

“From _you_?” she asked, gathering her things. Remus tightened his grip on the books in his arms, the worry on his face becoming much more pronounced, much more frightening.

“I think he knows who did it,” Remus said, as they walked out into the empty corridor. “What bothers me is,” he paused, taking a breath. “who would he cover this up for?” A sickening thought crossed her mind, and as much as she didn’t want to say it out loud, she had to suggest the possibility.

“It’s not …” She thought about how to word this most carefully “ _internal_ , is it?”

Remus immediately, violently shook his head. “No, no, not possible. Neither of them would even _consider_ doing something like this to Sirius. James was up all night trying to figure out why anyone would want to do this to his best friend. I don’t think he knows about us.”

“James knows _something_ ,” she corrected. “He knows I’m covering something up.” A slight smile returned to Remus’ face. Lily was relieved to see it.

“I would apologize, but you got yourself into that.” He looked over at her as the passed a window, the light from outside catching on the honey color of his eyes

“I guess this means you won’t be asking Sirius to the dance,” she smiled. Remus groaned.

“Do you know Katherine Wright?” he asked suddenly, and she rose an eyebrow in his direction.

“From Ravenclaw? Why?” Remus ran his hand slowly over his face, his shoulders slumping so heavily that he was nearly bent over from the weight of them.

“She asked me to go. In front of James and Peter.” Lily gasped, and Remus nodded slowly, an exasperated expression on his face that she couldn’t help but giggle over.

“You didn’t say yes, did you?” she shrieked. This time, Remus laughed, but it was more of a whimper.

“Peter said yes for me, and then I had to take it back.”

“You took it _back_?” she shrieked, laughing so loudly that Remus had to shush her so that nobody passing would ask any questions. “What did you tell her?” she asked, pursing her lips together to keep her laughter under control as they passed another group of students in the corridor.

“I didn’t have to,” he said, glancing over. “James jumped in and said we all had to go stag.” The laughter died from her face a little, and Remus pretended not to notice for her benefit.

“Oh,” she said, trying to make it sound nonchalant, but it came out rather disappointed.

“I’m sure we could make the exception for James, if you’d like me to put in a word,” Remus mentioned, purposefully not looking over at her as she blushed.

“Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t want to go to the dance with _Potter_ ,” she said, pushing his name disdainfully from her lips, but Remus, as always, saw right through her.

“Of course not.” A soft, knowing smile passed over his lips momentarily. “Just like I don’t want to go with Sirius.” He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. She groaned. “What was it you said to me? You shouldn’t be lying to him?” Remus grinned slyly. She hit him.  

 

**_ Sirius: Two Weeks Later  _ **

 

“It’s too easy to fuck up, Sirius,” Remus laughed, falling back onto the wooden chair he’d stolen from the Common Room. “Peter does this himself. Surely you can do it to me.” Sirius smirked at the innuendo, raising an eyebrow, but not even bothering to voice it. Remus playfully rolled his eyes, letting out a soft laugh.

“If I take a chunk out of your scalp, don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Sirius said with a huff, turning in his hand the electric clippers that Remus had stolen from Peter’s trunk.

“That would be physically impossible.”

“How do you want me to do it?” Sirius asked, and for once, Remus beat him to the connotation, holding the tip of his tongue under the sharp point of his canine. Sirius’ eyebrow remained raised.

“You know what?” Remus finally replied, glancing up to meet Sirius’ gaze. “You choose.”

“Me?” Sirius balked, and Remus nodded, pulling a single curl down into his eyes for a moment.

“I trust you,” he grinned, straightening his back against the chair and closing his eyes. Sirius just stared, watching Remus’ eyelids flutter as he tried to keep them closed, his lips moving just slightly as he sang the words to the song that was playing on Peter’s hi-fi underneath his breath.

This was the first time they’d been alone in _weeks_ – not since the pitch, and even then, they hadn’t been alone. After what happened with the Confundus charm, they’d agreed to behave, even when alone – they could never be sure when someone would come bursting in through their dormitory door – and, so far, they’d succeeded. Things slowed into something below their standard – Sirius didn’t sit next to Remus at every opportunity, Remus tried not to light up whenever Sirius walked into a room, and they didn’t make ridiculous excuses to run off together. They didn’t even link their feet together under the Gryffindor table at meals.

It wasn’t ideal for Sirius – he needed Remus more than ever. The nightmare he’d had the night of the Confundus charm hadn’t been the only one – just the _first_ one. At the same time, he didn’t want Remus to know how badly it still bothered him, so keeping Remus at a distance was probably best.

They’d done so well, but now, Sirius was on his last, desperate string, and Remus sat in front of him, looking like Remus always did – warm, and soft, and kissable. Sirius spoke to take his mind off it.

“If I fuck it up, just know that I’ve had a really wonderful time with you, and I hope that you’ll remember me when they send you to Azkaban for my murder.”

Remus laughed loudly, opening one eye. “Shut up and cut my hair, you prick.” With a deep breath, Sirius took Remus’ chin between his thumb and forefinger, turning his head side to side. Remus closed his eyes again, and Sirius pushed the clippers through the golden curls at Remus’ temple, praying that the guard he picked wouldn’t let him cut too much away. After all, what would he do with his hands, if he couldn’t run them through Remus’ soft hair, if he couldn’t curl his fingers between each light brown strand?

Just the thought of driving his fingers into the depths of Remus’ hair made his chest ache. How could he miss someone so dreadfully when he was always right in front of him? He thought of their promise to keep their distance from each other, but Peter and James had gone to Hogsmeade. Surely it wouldn’t hurt to go back on their arrangement, just this once. If caught, he could always attribute it to the literal job at hand.

He pulled the clippers back, letting his hand slide up Remus’ jaw, into Remus’ hair. And Remus, having been separated from Sirius’ usual constant touch, let out a relaxed sigh, leaning deep into Sirius’ arm.

“I think this might be my true calling in life,” Sirius quipped and Remus, with his eyes still closed, reached up and found Sirius’ waist with his fingers, sliding them underneath Sirius’ shirt. “I’m unaware of the benefits of this career field, but do all hairdressers get molested by their customers?” Sirius straddled Remus’ thigh, his fingers drifting from Remus’ chin down his throat, planting over his sternum.

“Only when they’re as attractive as you are,” Remus hummed, tucking his fingers into the waist of Sirius’ trousers, underneath the button. Sirius leaned into him for only a second.

“I’m very concerned about who has been cutting your hair up to now.” As he walked behind the chair, Remus’ fingers slipped from his skin, and Remus let out a soft whine.

“I sure as hell know who’s cutting it from now on.”

“You haven’t even seen it yet,” Sirius argued, watching Remus’ blonde hair collect on the dark wood floors underneath his feet. “You might hate it.” 

“You could shave it all off and I wouldn’t give a shit right now,” Remus laughed as Sirius evened the line he was creating at the back of Remus’ head.

“Good, that’s what I’m doing.” Again, Remus laughed, the loud, sarcastic laugh that he usually only let slip in front of the other Marauders. When the clippers were removed from Remus’ skin for a moment, Remus reached back with both hands, planting them directly against Sirius’ arse. He patted at the pack of cigarettes in Sirius’ back pocket, trying unsuccessfully to push them out on his own.

“Light one of these, love.”

“Moony, you’re interrupting my creative process,” Sirius groaned, draping the electric cord of the clippers, still buzzing, over his forearm, as he lit a cigarette in between his lips. When he walked around the chair, Remus watched him, shaking his head as Sirius offered it to him.

“I just wanted to watch you smoke it.” Remus licked his lips, as Sirius put the cigarette back between his, inhaling hard and deep. He watched the long muscles of Remus’ throat tense as he swallowed.

“Is this doing it for you, Moony?” Sirius teased, a smirk in the corner of his lips.

“You have no idea.” Remus lifted his brow, shifting down into the chair.

“Don’t get too comfortable, I’m not done yet,” Sirius lectured, walking around behind the chair again, leaning over Remus’ shoulder and slipping his hand between Remus’ legs. Remus let out an expectant breath, but Sirius didn’t touch him. Instead, he curled his hand around the edge of the chair, underneath Remus’ knees, and Remus sat up, arching his shoulder into Sirius’ throat. “Good boy,” Sirius laughed, slowly blowing smoke into the air around Remus’ face, and Remus breathed it in with a satisfied hum.

“Hurry up and finish,” Remus growled, rolling his shoulders as if he ached.

“Art takes time,” Sirius said, holding Remus by the back of the neck as he lined his clippers up with where he’d left off, gliding them over Remus’ ear. Gold flecks peppered Remus’ neck, and Sirius brushed them away, letting himself get lost in running his hands over the curves of Remus’ skin.

When he’d finished, he rounded the chair again, leaning into Remus’ face with his hands on Remus’ thighs, measuring the sides to make sure it was even. It wasn’t bad at all – he’d clipped the sides shorter than Remus had ever had it but left all the hair on the top of Remus’ head uncut. It left Sirius something to hold onto.

“How’d it turn out?” Remus asked, his eyes scattering over Sirius’ features. Sirius pulled the wand from his back pocket, spelling away the locks of Remus’ hair on the floor, and on his skin.

“Oh, I _like_ it,” Sirius hummed deeply, brushing his fingertips along the border between the two lengths, running his hands down Remus’ ears. Knowing the wait was killing him, Sirius purposefully kept the cigarette between his lips, to keep Remus from leaping forward to kiss him. He loved to watch Remus crave him.

He underestimated Remus’ need. Without letting his gaze fall, Remus quickly put his knees together so that they fit between Sirius’ legs, and he gripped Sirius’ hips, pulling him down over his lap. Once Sirius was straddling him in the chair, Remus reached for the cigarette between Sirius’ lips, and Sirius pulled away.  

“Don’t torture me like this, Sirius,” Remus said, trying to keep the pleading tone from his voice but failing, as Sirius sucked in a chest full of smoke. Remus opened his mouth, surely to beg, but Sirius covered it with his own, breathing out down Remus’ throat. The smoke was never Remus’ priority – Sirius could tell by the way it trickled out of the spaces between their mouths, as Remus kissed him more wildly than he ever had, pulling Sirius down harder onto his lap, arching his hips into him. Sirius decayed back into recklessness.

“I can’t do this anymore, Remus, I can’t _behave_ around you. I can’t. I can’t.” Sirius rambled, between every deep kiss that Remus delivered, growing deeper. The cigarette hung carelessly between Sirius’ fingers, it nearly fell from his grip. He placed his hand against Remus’ neck to steady it.

“You miss the fighting?” Remus asked, his voice turning up, the way it did when he wanted Sirius to react. Sirius pulled out of another kiss, leaning back to look Remus in the face, watchful and waiting.

“Fuck yes, I miss the fighting,” Sirius answered, his skin buzzing. There was something so different about Remus when he was angry, even pretending – something near threatening, and Sirius hungered after it.

Remus pushed against his chest, and they both stood. “Do you want to fight me _now_?” Remus asked. His voice was steady, but low, crawling up from somewhere in the hollows of Remus’ throat, and Sirius knew it was deliberate, meant to get him to respond equally. It was working. Sirius moved the cigarette back up to his lips, taking in an unsteady breath as he considered that proposal.

“I don’t want to fight you,” Sirius replied, watching the fire in Remus’ eyes extinguish slightly. “I don’t want to fight _back_ at all.” The fire reignited brighter as Remus understood.

“I don’t want to take advantage of you,” Remus replied cautiously, but the expression in his voice remained the same, controlled and unhurried, as he rounded Sirius, standing behind him.

“ _I_ do.”

“You _want_ me to take advantage of you, Sirius?” He injected surprise into his pitch, but his increased breathing against Sirius’ shoulder indicated that he’d hoped for that answer.

“Please, _gods_.” 

“Sit,” Remus commanded, and Sirius obeyed, blowing smoke toward the ceiling as Remus retrieved Sirius’ discarded tie from the end of his bed. Again, Remus stood at Sirius’ back, wrapping the tie over Sirius’ eyes, and a fascinated sound fell from Sirius’ lips, between the cigarette.

“Blindfolded?” Sirius asked. “But then I can’t watch you work, Moony.”

Remus’ lips fell onto Sirius’ ear. “You won’t need to.” His fingers worked their way deep into Sirius’ hair, and tightened sharply. Sirius’ neck snapped down against the back of the chair. He let out a hiss.

“Fuck,” he swallowed, as Remus draped his mouth over Sirius’ throat, kissing openly for a moment, before pressing his teeth into Sirius’ skin, his canines prodding against Sirius’ windpipe.

Quickly, Remus released, letting out a breath. “Pads, you have to promise to tell me if I start hurting you,” he said, his voice returning to its normal, gentle character, mixed in with a little worry.

“Do I need a safe word?” Sirius smirked from underneath his blindfold. Remus’ let out a dissatisfied sound, his lips pressed against the sharp corner of Sirius’ jaw. “I promise, Moony.”

“How far do you want me to go?” Remus asked, dominance creeping back out from his throat.

Sirius hummed. “As far as you can, love.” He felt the cigarette slip from his lips, and he sat still, waiting, for only a second, before Remus slapped him hard across the face. “Oh, _gods,_ yes.” His satisfied breath barely escaped from his throat before Remus was driving his tongue into Sirius’ mouth, his fingers gripped tightly around Sirius’ throat, pressing just enough to make breathing a chore. Just as his lungs began to burn, and his fingers were reaching up to signal Remus to let go, he did, and Sirius took in a deep, shaking breath.

“Oh, was that too much?” Remus asked, slipping his voice into a mock, though Sirius could hear the concern hiding in the corners of his words.

“Not even close,” Sirius laughed. It burned his throat. As Remus placed the cigarette back between Sirius’ lips, he let his fingers trail over Sirius’ skin – across his face, down his throat, into the collar of his shirt. His fingers nimbly snapped the buttons of Sirius’ shirt open, his lips settling onto skin, following closely to the movement of his hands. Once his mouth was past where Sirius’ collar usually hung open, he sucked deeply, and Sirius could feel the bruise it was leaving.

“The worst I could do to you,” Remus mumbled into Sirius’ skin, working down his stomach. “would be to build you up, as I am, and then _not_ put your cock in my mouth.” Sirius whimpered, but Remus tucked his fingers into the waist of Sirius’ trousers, pulling him to the edge of the chair. “But I can’t do it.”

“You’re not as ruthless as I thought, Moony,” Sirius smiled, spreading his legs.

“Do you want me to stop?” Remus teased suddenly, entirely removed from Sirius, and Sirius let out a pathetic sound that fell somewhere between a laugh and a whine.

“Please, don’t.” Remus immediately went back to the button of Sirius’ trousers, snapping it open, and Sirius let himself smile as he felt Remus pause at his zipper.

“If you’d told me that you weren’t wearing anything under these trousers, I would’ve been on my knees much sooner than this.” His thumbs pressed into Sirius’ hips. “I might just would’ve blown you with James and Peter in the goddamn room.” Sirius shifted in his chair, sliding further down.

“I’ll keep that in mind next time they’re here,” Sirius grinned indecently, putting his cigarette out on the underside of the chair, letting it fall from his fingers. As Remus took the length of Sirius in his hand, Sirius’ head fell back over the chair as the last of the smoke was breathed from his lungs.

“Say my name, Sirius,” Remus demanded, tightening his curled fingers, sliding them up.

“ _Remus_ ,” Sirius exhaled hard, and Remus took him down into his throat. “Fuck.” After only a few _really_ good thrusts with his mouth, with Sirius moaning loudly and indecently, Remus’ mouth slipped away.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Remus suddenly hissed – half a shout, half a whisper. Sirius raised the blindfold to see Remus scrambling from his knees – he reached back only to tuck Sirius back into his trousers, before diving into his bed, spelling the curtains closed around him. At that moment, James and Peter came in through the door.

James looked at Sirius, his expression going flat. Sirius stared back. Peter looked around the room at anything other than Sirius, a necktie around his forehead, his shirt half-hanging from his shoulders, and his trousers half unfastened. Sirius took a glance down at himself, pleased that Remus had at least been kind enough to not leave him with his cock on display. With a grin, Sirius looked back toward James and Peter.

“Evening, gents.” James held his hand out toward Sirius, saying nothing, but speaking loudly enough with his expression, with his body, that Sirius understood. ‘ _What the hell are you doing now?’_

Peter evidently hadn’t followed that silent conversation. “What – what’s up, Padfoot?”

“Thought I’d have a wank while you were out,” Sirius replied, without so much as a pause, but casually adjusting the shirt back onto his shoulders so that James and Peter wouldn’t see the mark from Remus’ mouth.

“Where’s Remus?” James asked. “Weren’t you supposed to cut his hair?”

“I did. He must’ve hated it, because he’s in his bed, sulking.”

“I’m not sulking!” Remus shouted, and Sirius could hear the laughter in his voice. As Peter realized that Remus was present, his gaze immediately shifted back to Sirius, and the expression unnerved him.

“You were going to have a wank with Remus in the room?” he asked, nearly horrified. Sirius pursed his lips, trying to think of the best way to break the news to him, grateful that he hadn’t realized the truth.

“Pete, you realize that,” he said, standing and buttoning his trousers, despite how achingly hard he was underneath them. “as we all live together, I’ve gotten off with _you_ in the room.” Peter went practically white, and Sirius blinked at him, shooting a confused look at James, who shrugged.

“Try not to think about it too much, Wormtail,” Remus said, his face finally emerging from within the curtains around his bed, and James’ face lit up.

“Moony! Your hair!” he exclaimed, racing over to rub his hands over it, taking Remus’ face into his hands and turning his head side to side, as he inspected the clean lines. “Well done, Pads!”

“It’s truly my masterpiece,” Sirius hummed, smugly. “He’s a work of art.” As if he wasn’t before. Remus met his gaze with a smile, running his fingers through his remaining hair as James’ hands left his face.

“Katherine Wright won’t be able to take her eyes off you,” Peter smirked, and Sirius went still.

“What?” was the only thing he could get from his lips. Remus let out a short, irritated huff, shooting a look of severe annoyance in Peter’s direction, who couldn’t figure out what he’d done wrong.

“Just shut up about Katherine Wright,” Remus muttered, pushing a few longer curls from his face.

“Who the fuck is Katherine Wright?” Sirius yelled, and James cocked an eyebrow at him.

“What the hell are you getting so worked up about?” James asked. Fists clenched at his sides, Sirius breathed in through his nose, trying to calm himself down.

“I’m just wondering which _girl_ thinks she’s good enough for our Moony,” he stated plainly, feeling the heat rising from his throat, through the open collar of his shirt. He buttoned it to keep his hands busy.

“She’s from Ravenclaw, she asked me to go to the dance with her a couple times. I told her no, Sirius. It’s nothing,” Remus explained delicately, his voice lowering an octave to put Sirius at ease. It wasn’t working.

“I still don’t know why you turned her down,” Peter shrugged, and Remus looked like he was contemplating forcing Peter’s own wand down his throat. Sirius ignored it.

“So, you just didn’t think it was important enough to tell me.”

“Sirius, I didn’t –” Remus began.

Sirius interrupted. “It’s not like I have any stake in who wants to date you, Moony.”

“Neither do I,” Remus emphasized, looking sharply at him. “It doesn’t matter that she fancies me, I don’t give a shit. The only thing I care about is the person I want to date. And it’s _not_ Katherine Wright.” 

“Why are you making such a big deal over this?” James asked, trying to get Sirius to look at him. “So what if you didn’t know. It’s not like _you_ fancy her, right?”

Sirius put his hands over his temples, groaning. “God, I’m so _tired_ of this!” he shouted through clenched teeth, and Remus rolled his head back, his mouth open, a loud breath moving out.

“Tired of what?” Peter asked, frustration in his voice.

“ _Everything_!” Sirius screamed as he stomped to the door, slamming it on his way out.

 

**_ Remus  _ **

 

The first thing he did when he walked into the Great Hall, with James and Peter on each side, was look for Sirius. All afternoon had gone by, still no sign of him. Remus had scoured the castle looking for him, but Sirius didn’t want to be found. That was unusual enough. In the back of his mind, he worried. The last time Sirius went missing, it hadn’t been good. He tried to convince himself that this wasn’t like that. Was it?

James shoved a glass of punch into Remus’ fingers, and Remus drank without thinking, realizing very quickly that the punch had been over-spiked. It burned as he swallowed it down, and he winced. He tried to distract himself from the thought of firewhisky in the punch, and from Sirius’ absence, by looking around at the decorations in the Hall. The candles hovered above them, as they usually did, the ceiling spelled with the same moonlight as the actual phase outside – the night just before a complete full moon. Everything was dim.

Peter had been right about Katherine Wright – she hadn’t taken her eyes off him since he walked into the Great Hall. He was annoyed. Sure, she couldn’t help having a crush, but how many times would she make him turn her down before she got the message? The whole situation made him feel very trapped – like the only way she’d truly take no for an answer was if he flat out told her that he was gay, which he certainly couldn’t do.

He rethought that decision when he watched Sirius Black walk into the Great Hall. His dark, unruly hair was tied into a knot at the back of his head, secured with his wand – a few wild strands hug down around his face, curling under the sharp lines of his jaw. His dress robes were solid black – the oxford shirt underneath his jacket, the tie, the scarf, all of it. It made his hair look darker, the unshaven stubble on his face darker, the circles underneath his eyes darker, made the caverns underneath his razor cheekbones sink further.

And then he set his steel eyes onto Remus and everything suddenly brightened. The grey in his eyes appeared blue underneath the candlelight, his lips a soft, inviting pink. The circles under his eyes were no longer dark from desperate nights spent in worry, but from languid nights spent in Remus’ arms. Remus left James and Peter standing – they hadn’t noticed Sirius come in, yet. He hoped to get in at least a single, private moment. As Sirius made his way over, the two met in the middle.

“God, you look fantastic,” Remus breathed out immediately, and Sirius lowered his head, glancing up at Remus through darkened lashes. There was an unexpected hitch in Remus’ breath.

“No, darling, you’re outshining me,” he grinned. Sirius always found new ways to make Remus blush.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about …” Remus trailed off. Sirius shook his head.

“I was only mad that _I_ couldn’t ask you to this dance,” he sighed. “And seeing you … in this …” Sirius took a deep breath. “I’m going to spend all night making up excuses to touch you, Moony.”

Remus pushed his lips to one side, to hide a smile. “I wish I could dance with you tonight. In front of everyone.” There was a certain expression on Sirius’ face that Remus recognized as scheming.

“Oh,” Sirius said, looking curiously. “But we _can_ , can’t we?” However, instead of acting on that thought, Sirius glided past him, his cloak swaying behind him, and stepped up to James, taking the wild-haired boy into his arms. The whole room burst into laughter, James included, as Sirius gracefully swung him around the floor, and Remus was astounded at Sirius’ brilliance. If Sirius danced with James, and with Peter, then nobody would think it strange that he danced with Remus.

As he dramatically dipped James, dragging his face sensually down James’ neck, every girl in the room released a simultaneous sigh, wishing they were the ones in Sirius’ arms. Remus snorted derisively, suddenly feeling very possessive of the boy in black that was drawing the attention of everyone in the room.

While James shared his first dance with Sirius, Lily asked Remus to dance, in an obviously play at retaliation. She only succeeded in making James glare at Remus in utter betrayal, while Remus and Lily laughed at how they wished James knew that _he_ was the one dancing with Remus’ desired partner.

On cue, Peter was next, and Sirius scooped him up before Peter could say no, but Peter blushed fervently the whole time, looking like he was trying to shrink into his own skin. Once James was free, Remus ended his dance with Lily, but James was too busy downing punch-flavored firewhisky to notice.

In the middle of Sirius’ dance with Peter, Remus spotted Katherine Wright making her way toward him, and he raced to refill his firewhisky-laced punch, pretending not to have noticed her.

“Hello, Remus,” she said shyly. Remus took a breath. He supposed he’d been too kind in his refusals of her offers, and perhaps she didn’t fully understand that he was _not_ interested.

“Enjoying the party, Katherine?” he asked politely, but not looking over at her, downing another glass of the punch that a low-floating candle could ignite at any moment.

“I was rather hoping someone might ask me to dance,” she implied, but quite unsubtly, a cunning smile on her lips that made Remus think that she believed herself clever. At that moment, Sirius skidded to a halt, just between them, rather flushed and breathless. Meaning he’d run over to interrupt them.

“Dance with me, Moony,” he said, taking Remus’ hand while frigidly ignoring the girl behind him.

“God, yes,” Remus muttered under his breath, and Sirius pulled him away, landing squarely amid many staring eyes, not one among them surprised to see the two boys embraced. Sirius’ plan had worked.

“See?” Sirius grinned. “Hidden in plain sight.” His hand to Remus’ lower back, he stepped in perfect time, the two of them twirling among many pairs of girls who were now following their example. Remus wondered how many of the pairs were hiding in plain sight, as he and Sirius were.

“You’re quite good at this,” Remus remarked, but Sirius looked less than thrilled at the compliment.

“Instilled at a young age, in that ancient and noble house of Black,” Sirius smirked sarcastically, clearing his throat quickly after, as if to dispel the acrid taste his own name had left in his mouth.

“What better way to piss your family off than to use a skill they taught you to grope your boyfriend in public?” Remus said sweetly, and it instantly cheered Sirius up. “I’m sure this’ll get back to them.”

“Oh, I know it will. Now, if I really wanted to send them a big _‘fuck you’_ , I’d kiss you right here in front of Reg and everyone,” Sirius teased, letting his hips press into Remus’ as they spun.

“I might let you. You know the eyes of almost every girl in this room are on you,” Remus grumbled, darting his tongue out to lick his lips, his action quick and irritated. Sirius’ eyes were drawn to it. 

“The rest are on you,” he said, tilting his head to where Katherine Wright stood, waiting. Before Remus even had time to enjoy it, the song ended, ripping Remus from his excuse to have his hands on Sirius. One look at Sirius showed the same – he looked absolutely miserable. One dance was not enough.

The two of them walked rather slowly back to the punch table, where James and Peter were congregating. James was attempting to get enough liquid courage into his gut to ask Lily to dance, and Peter was giving him a pep talk. Several times, James took a step in her direction, only to turn back and moan about how he was going to die alone. Remus scoffed – James really had no clue.

“For fuck’s sake, James, just ask her,” Remus mumbled. James and Peter stared, open-mouthed, shocked. Sirius only smiled against the rim of his glass.

“Yeah! I will!” James said excitedly, as if Remus had been giving him advice, instead of just angrily venting his frustrations in James’ direction.

Lily said yes. Of course she did, she was mad over him, just like James was over her. She and James danced many times through the night, but Remus never got to dance with Sirius again. Eventually, he broke down and agreed to dance with Katherine, if for no other reason than to let her see how coldly he felt toward her, close-up. Sirius, likely in retaliation at Katherine, plucked a young, pretty Hufflepuff girl from the crowd, dancing with her in very close proximity to Remus. The two boys may have let their shoulders touch. 

As the night went on, and the more spiked punch Sirius drank, the more bitter he became. Remus wasn’t far off – he’d had much more punch than Sirius, but his lycanthrope metabolism prevented him from getting very drunk at all, which made him that much angrier.

After their dance, Katherine had been hard to shake. At some point, she just gave up, likely because Remus had shut down, hostilely sipping his punch and wishing the firewhisky was stronger. While he was glad to be rid of her, it didn’t mean he could be with Sirius – not the way he wanted to be.

Neither he nor Sirius had been back on the dance floor since their obligated dances with girls that neither of them fancied. For the most part, Sirius sulked at an empty table, while Remus _tried_ to be sociable, for the sake of other people. Eventually, he gave up, too. He sat in a chair next to Sirius, but not close.

“Are you alright?” he asked Sirius, whose cheeks were red with the firewhisky in his gut.

“No, Moony, I’m not,” Sirius spat. “I thought it would be easy. Or fun. Having a secret like we have, knowing I do all these things to you that no one else knows about. It thought it would be fun.”

“And it’s not,” Remus said. The huff he let out felt like it sparked on his lips – he feared the copious amount of firewhisky on his breath would detonate it.

“No,” Sirius repeated, throwing the rest of his punch down his throat in a single shot. “It’s not.” Remus couldn’t stand to see him so miserable. Yes, he was being overly dramatic, as was usual for Sirius, and no, it wasn’t really as bad as Sirius made it sound. But he was right. Not as fun as either of them had planned. With an idea in his head, Remus leaned over the table, curling his fingers into Sirius’ dress robes.

“Meet me in our tutoring room in twenty minutes,” Remus said, holding Sirius tightly by the lapels of his jacket and breathing heavy into his ear. Sirius pressed his cheek to Remus’ for a split second.

“Yes, Professor.”

 

When Sirius slipped into the room, he peered out through the crack in the doorway to make sure he hadn’t been followed. As he turned, the light in his face bloomed, exceeding the candlelight that lit the room.

“Surprise,” Remus said softly, sitting on top of one of the desks. He’d taken Peter’s hi-fi, and all his records, from their dorm upstairs. A Queen record was spinning – it was playing ‘ _Love of My Life’_. Remus had made sure he and Sirius would have their dance, after all.

“Moony.” It was more breath than anything. Remus pushed himself off the desk, excitedly wrapping himself around Sirius, as tightly as either of them could stand it.

“Dance with me, love,” he hummed into Sirius’ ear. The tension in Sirius’ skin dissolved, and he put his head against Remus’ shoulder, letting out a long-held sigh, finding Remus’ hand with his.

“We haven’t been in this room since …” Sirius trailed off, and Remus picked up his thought.

“Since I stopped making up excuses to be alone with you,” he said, snuggling his cheek against Sirius’ hair, still pinned up with his wand, as they swayed in time to the music.

“Since I stopped having to pretend like I wasn’t staring at you in every class,” Sirius laughed, turning his head so that his forehead rested against Remus’ throat, just underneath his chin.

“It’s a little like that now,” Remus mused, a warm laugh slipping from his lips, falling into Sirius’ hair. It was a little pained, they both knew why.

“Except now,” Sirius offered, craning his neck to press a kiss at the curve of Remus’ chin, “I know the truth. That you’re sitting over there in Charms fantasizing about me, just like I am about you.”

Remus’s laugh was a little more genuine, then. “Almost makes it worse. Because I can’t have you.”

“You can have me now,” Sirius countered, pulling Remus’ chin down toward him and pressing his lips softly into Remus’. He was much more delicate than Remus expected, with all the firewhisky in his belly.

“Thank God,” Remus whined between kisses. “Because I want you _now_.”

“Only now?” Sirius teased as Remus walked him over toward the front desk, picking him up by his hips and settling Sirius down on top of it. He parted Sirius’ legs, nestling himself between them.

“Only always,” he whispered, pulling Sirius’ wand from his hair and letting it fall around his shoulders, so that Remus could wrap his fingers up in it. He breathed in the scent of Sirius’ hair as it cascaded around his face. The hibiscus conditioner Sirius bathed himself in was, as always, laced with the cigarette smoke that was ever trapped in the tendrils of his hair – it left behind the aroma of smoldering incense. And Remus never knew faith like that – he didn’t know lighting incense, or burning candles, or prayer. No, his religion was Sirius Black – God and the Devil in one soul. Every kiss was worship, every touch was sacred, and they spoke in tongues.

He let his mouth find Sirius’ again. “I want you in every possible moment, Padfoot, and not just the ones like this.” He spoke between kisses, inside kisses, casting words down into Sirius’ throat. “I want you every morning, even when your hair is plastered over my face, and every night, when you let out those little yips in your sleep, like a puppy.” Sirius pulled back to argue, as Remus preempted. “Yes, you do.” Sirius smiled.

“What are you trying to say, Moony?” he asked boldly, as Remus pulled the cloak from Sirius’ shoulders, and then the jacket, and loosened his tie. Remus pressed his lips once to Sirius’ throat, before looking up.

“If I could ask you to marry me, Sirius Orion, I would.” He let his glowing, amber gaze linger, meeting Sirius’ eyes – the color of the stars on cold nights when the moon was dark – before he buried himself again in Sirius’ neck, unfastening the buttons of Sirius’ pressed, black shirt.

“What if you could? What if you just _had_?” Sirius wondered, his Adam’s apple dipping across Remus’ lips as Sirius swallowed, arching his neck to let Remus at more skin.

“I don’t have to wait for your answer,” he mumbled, kissing over the mark he’d left on Sirius’ skin earlier in the day. “You would say yes to me, Sirius.”

“You seem quite confident of that.” As Remus opened the last button of Sirius’ shirt, he looked up, almost kneeled in front of the desk where Sirius sat. Sirius looked down, the mercury in his eyes swirling.

“Tell me what you’d say,” Remus said, arching a brow. Sirius suppressed a smile.

“Now that you’re on one knee, ask me again.” Remus shifted to a single knee, his hands sliding down Sirius’ legs, curling around his ankles. His eyes never parted from Sirius’.

“Marry me, Sirius.” It was more statement than question.

“Oh, _fuck_ yes, Moony,” Sirius grinned, and Remus immediately launched up into him, landing violently onto his mouth, and Sirius slid his tongue between Remus’ teeth, all the same. The kiss was messy, hurried, turbulent, but also soft, and warm, and filled with everything either of them felt.

“You really _would_ ,” Remus exhaled, surprised, despite his previous arrogance. His lips traveled across Sirius’ face, around his ear, down his throat, his chest, his stomach, and Sirius leaned back to let him explore.

“Of course I would,” Sirius laughed at Remus’ disbelief. “I’d do it tonight, if I could.”

Remus glanced up, his expression mirroring the candlelight, bright and glowing and full of fire. “In that case,” he breathed out over Sirius’ waist, “I suggest we consummate our new arrangement.” Sirius laughed.

“This will be a story for the grandchildren. ‘ _Your grandpa asked me to marry him, and then he sucked me off in an empty classroom – you just don’t find romance like that anymore, kids’_.”

“Shut up,” Remus laughed against his skin, felt Sirius shiver in response.

“Not that I’m … trying to stop you,” Sirius replied, taking a breath as Remus pulled at his zipper, purposefully slowly. When the bulge of his boxer-briefs was visible, Remus traced a finger around the shape.

“No, I don’t expect you would,” Remus teased, biting down on his tongue as he looked up at Sirius.

“What can I say?” Sirius hummed, letting out a fantastic, surprised sound as Remus mouthed his lips around the imprint of Sirius’ cock, still tucked away beneath the fabric. “Your mouth is so …” Remus continued moving his mouth against Sirius, his fingers slowly slipping down the elastic of his shorts, until they were down Sirius’ thighs, and Remus could press a wet kiss against the tip of him. “ _God_ , it’s so fucking good.”

Remus removed his lips from Sirius’ head. “We’re going to have grandchildren?”

“Oh, yes,” Sirius moaned in reply, as Remus dipped his mouth down onto him.

“Mm,” Remus hummed delightedly. “Tell me about our life together.” He gratuitously licked his lips before returning them to Sirius’ cock. Sirius let his head fall back, long hair cascading behind him.

“Oh, _God_. Okay,” he mumbled, obviously trying to focus on something other than Remus’ tongue swirling around the head of his cock, and the little hums that Remus’ lips made in response to Sirius’ obscene moaning. “If we could get married, we’d get married in autumn, because the leaves are the same color as your eyes, as your hair, as your skin. _Jesus_ , Moony.” Remus caved his cheeks, adding pressure to Sirius’ cock, dipping down as far as he could take him. He let out another hum, telling Sirius to continue.

Sirius swallowed hard, a wet breath slipping from his throat as he continued. “We make James and Lily have kids for us, we steal all of them.” Remus laughed into Sirius’ engorged skin, nearly choking himself. “They visit most afternoons, and … _fuck_ … and they bring Peter. They have so many kids, we let them keep a couple for their own, and they all have green eyes, like Evans, but stupid hair, like James. _Yes, like that. Ohhh_.”  

Remus groaned in response to the sounds being ripped from Sirius’ throat, gripping tightly onto Sirius’ thighs. From the back of his throat, he pushed out a grunt, wordlessly begging Sirius to keeping talking. To speak to him in that low, desperate voice that only Remus could hear, in that breath-stolen tone that meant he was on the edge of losing himself to Remus’ mouth. Remus’ hands pushed up to Sirius’ hips, digging dull fingernails into Sirius’ pale skin, giving himself more momentum to push Sirius further into his throat.

“ ** _Oh_** ,” Sirius half-shouted as Remus pressed his lips harder around Sirius’ skin. “Jesus Christ, Moony, fuck _me_ ,” Sirius breathed out hard, trying to convince himself to think. “We … _Merlin_. When we move in together, we have a garden in the backyard where I make love to you, in broad fucking daylight, because it’s just you and me, and we don’t have to hide anymore.” Remus moaned, the sound cut off by the pressing of Sirius’ cock against the back of his throat. He could feel the pulsing of Sirius’ veins between his teeth.

“Where do we live?” Remus pulled away to ask in a rush, burying Sirius’ cock back into his throat quickly, and Sirius’ hips trembled, vibrating the desk underneath him.

“Remus, _fuck_ ,” he panted, slipping his hand into Remus’ hair. “We live in … _oh my God._ We live in a cottage in Wales, somewhere near your parents. The Potters move to Wales – all of them – to be closer to us, and we all have lunch together on Sundays. And … oh, Remus, _yes,_ fuck, _fuck_.” Sirius gripped tightly to the edge of the desk with one hand, the other still twisted into Remus’ hair, tightening as he came down Remus’ throat.

“Lunch on Sundays?” Remus asked coyly, swiping his thumb across his bottom lip, as Sirius leaned forward, tucking himself up before resting his elbows on his knees, looking absolutely expended.

“You must have a domestic kink, Moony, because that was … fucking _feral_.” Cheeks pink, Remus buried his face into Sirius’ knees, and Sirius placed his hand on the back of his head.

“Can we really have a cottage in Wales?” he mumbled from Sirius’ legs. Sirius leaned over him and placed his lips against the short hairs at the base of Remus’ neck.

“Anything, Moony,” he whispered, his breath steaming out against Remus’ skin. “Anything you want.”

 

**_ Lily  _ **

 

Did he have to look so … so good? He stood next to Remus like it was any other day, like he wasn’t wearing _that_ , like he didn’t think that every girl in the room was ogling him, and maybe he didn’t. She really wished she wasn’t one of those girls ogling him, but what else could she do? _He_ was the one who had walked into the Great Hall with that dark cloak around his shoulders and that striking white bow tie wrapped around his throat – what was she supposed to do? She barely even registered the change in Remus’ hair. She was too preoccupied looking at James’ hair – which was the same, but somehow quite different.

His hair was still a mess, like it was every day. His glasses slid carelessly down the bridge of his nose, like they did every day – every now and then, he’d use his middle finger to push them back up. This was no different than any other day. Yet, when he craned his neck, tugging at the tie around his neck, the white of the tie contrasting the darkness of his skin, she balled a fist in the green satin of her dress, eyebrows rising.

Every time he looked around, she pretended that he wasn’t looking for her. All the same, she ducked behind someone larger than herself when his eyes came close to finding her. She couldn’t let him see her this way – absolutely smitten with him. It was pathetic.

Still, he had to know. She’d been avoiding him for a few weeks, ever since the pitch, because she couldn’t believe how easy it had been. All he had to do was lean in, and she complied. If Peter had not interrupted them, she would have kissed James Potter that day. Half of her cursed Peter for interrupting.

Just when she got up the courage to make herself known, at least step out to where James could see her, Sirius made his grand entrance. Suddenly, every eye was on him – she didn’t have to find Remus to know his certainly were. When she did see Remus, she smiled at the look she found on his face, and how immediately he walked away from everything else to be with Sirius.

That left James standing alone with Peter. The thought of asking him to dance first crossed her mind, but she shoved it down. She wouldn’t be that desperate. After all, James would definitely ask her – she already knew how he felt about her, she’d heard it from his own lips only a few weeks before.

Before she could start trying to convince her heart to stop beating so bloody loudly, she watched Sirius float carelessly over to where James stood, take him by the waist, and spin him out onto the floor. Her mouth fell blatantly open, as the Hall burst open into laughter. Her eyes found Remus again, and was surprised to see that he looked absolutely delighted with this turn of events. But Sirius was dancing with the wrong partner.

 

He was dancing with _her_ partner.

 

With a huff, she stomped over to where Remus stood, glowing as he watched Sirius twirl, surprisingly gracefully, around the room with James Potter in his arms, laughing and slightly flushed.

“Remus, will you dance with me?” she asked, exasperatedly. Remus finally looked over, grinning.

“Of course,” he said, sweeping her up, and she realized he was grateful for an excuse just to dance near Sirius. The two boys exchanged a knowing glance as Remus and Lily spun next to Sirius and James. The look on James’ face was exactly as she’d hoped – his eyes darted nervously back and forth between Remus and Lily.

“He looks quite ill, doesn’t he?” she asked Remus in a cloyingly sweet voice. The grin never faded from Remus’ face, even when he tore his gaze from Sirius to look over at her.

“I’m slightly concerned for my safety,” Remus nodded, his golden eyes shining.

“That’s what he gets, that ignorant oaf,” she grumbled, and the joy on Remus’ face spread.

“Oh, is this retaliation, then? Getting back at Sirius for dancing with _your_ boyfriend by dancing with _his_?” he asked, his tone just as sweet as hers had been. She snarled her lips in response.

“Potter is _not_ my boyfriend,” she insisted under her breath, but her arguments against that point were becoming less and less insistent. “Besides, Sirius doesn’t seem bothered at all by us.”  Remus laughed loudly, and she marveled for a moment, returning his smile in an intrinsic response.

“He’s happiest when he’s scheming,” Remus said, his eyes darting over to Sirius as he and James stepped closer. As they spun past, Sirius leaned in just close enough to rub his shoulder against Remus’, and Lily’s in the process. James still looked like he had been shot through the heart.

“No, he’s happiest when he’s looking at you,” she corrected, and she was intrigued to see a pink blush flourish over Remus’ cheeks. “Wait, _scheming_?” she groaned, but Remus returned a very purposed expression. 

“Why do you think he’s dancing with James?” he asked. She narrowed her eyes, trying to figure out which prank was about to be unfurled, when Remus spoke again. “A Sickle says he dances with Pete next.”

She gasped. “And then with you!” she said, almost too excitedly. Remus pulled his bottom lip into his teeth, eyes widening as his grip tightened slightly around her waist to remind her that they were amidst listening ears. “Oh, that’s clever,” she hissed, unable to contain her smile. “Who knew Sirius could be that brilliant?” she laughed but Remus just rose his eyebrows, shrugging.

“Sirius is very shrewd when it comes to getting what he wants,” he said, licking absently at his lips. This time, it was her turn for her cheeks to turn pink, if for no other reason than the look on Remus’ face as he watched Sirius from across the room.

“You’d know all about what Sirius’ wants, wouldn’t you, Remus?” she implied bluntly, trying to draw out that shy, blushing Remus that she had seen a moment ago. Her words did nothing but spark something in Remus that made her wonder if her partner was about to swap her for another.

He looked back, eyes dark. “You’d think very differently of me, Lily, if you knew the kinds of things I’ve done to give Sirius Black what he _wants_.” He rose an eyebrow, as if challenging her to push that button again. If she was trying to find out what it took to make Remus blush, talking about Sirius like _this_ was not it.

“Do you love him, Remus?” And there it was – the blush she’d been trying to win. She expected him to deflect, not to admit to anything, even though she knew. Maybe they hadn’t admitted it to each other yet, or maybe he’d never said it out loud. He took in a sharp breath as he found Sirius in the crowd.

“So goddamn much,” he replied softly. The raw honesty in his voice had her catching her breath through the tightening in her throat, and she wondered if she would ever love anyone that way. James Potter crossed her mind. Instinctively, her eyes looked up, and James was already looking her direction, a soft smile underneath shimmering glasses. Flustered, he looked back to Sirius, and Sirius glanced over, winking overtly.

She groaned again. “ _That_ one?” she asked, pretending to be displeased with his choice, when in truth, she adored them together.  Remus’ smile was unmatched, his eyes iridescent underneath the candlelight.

“That one,” he repeated in a whisper. As the dance ended, and Sirius separated from James, Sirius looked over at Remus with the softest expression she’d ever seen on his face. She could practically hear Sirius telling Remus _‘Just one more dance and then I’m yours,’_ and she never knew she could be in love with the circumstance of two other people being in love. They were everything she wanted.

 

And she realized, quite abruptly, that she wanted it with James Potter.

 

The same James Potter who was currently glaring holes into Remus and chugging another glass of a punch that could be used for a Molotov cocktail. She rolled her eyes at herself – there was no way in hell she was going to dance with him now. She’d make him sweat it out a bit more first.

Just as Remus said, Sirius danced with Peter next. Though, Peter was a bit more awkward than James, and it looked a bit like Sirius was dragging him around the room. A smile unwillingly crossed over her face as she watched Sirius let Peter stand on his feet, like a child. That moment was what Remus saw in him, every day.

Second-hand panic erupted in her chest as she watched Katherine Wright make her way over to chat up Remus, and Lily began to walk over to interrupt them. Instead, the song ended, Sirius twirled Peter over toward a group of giggling girls, and _sprinted_ in Remus’ direction, sliding to a stop between Remus and Katherine. Lily doubled over in laughter. If Sirius hadn’t done it, she would have.

Remus quickly obliged to a dance with Sirius, much to Katherine’s disappointment – and yet, somehow, she looked amused at the two boys now entwined, and Lily almost felt sorry for her. But Lily’s attention was quickly pointed back toward Remus and Sirius, and the way they stood, holding each other. Despite the height that Remus had over Sirius, Sirius still led them, his hand around Remus’ waist. Lily realized this skill must’ve been due to his pureblood upbringing, and she retched a little at the thought of a tiny Sirius Black being forced to dance until he got every step right, until his feet bled, until tears stained his cheeks.

Still, if there were any bad memories for Sirius about dancing, she couldn’t see it in his face – she could see nothing there but uninhibited adoration for the partner in his arms. The look on Remus’ face was much the same – like Sirius was life itself. She could hardly stand to watch them – the inevitable tears would ruin her makeup. But she couldn’t bring herself to look away. The two of them together made everything right.

The song was much too short, the dance over much too soon. She watched the light go out in both their faces – the irritated way Sirius swallowed much too hard, the muscles in Remus’ face as he clenched his jaw dangerously tight. The two of them dragged their feet to the punch table, hesitant to leave the floor.

They only spoke to James for a moment before she noticed he had found her again, where she was hiding swallowed in the crowd. Despite the copious amounts of firewhisky she had watched him drink, he walked straight over, with purpose, with grace, but looking entirely unsure of what she would say.

“Lily,” he said, his voice quavering only a bit. “Could I have this dance?” Stunned at how adorably polite he was asking, she blinked a few times, before nodding mutely. Her throat burned from trying to contain every sarcastic thing she could think to say to him. When he took her hand, it burned, too.

“You danced quite nicely with Sirius,” she said over the silence, afraid that he would be able to hear the drumming of her heart if the noise died down too low. He laughed, his tone deep, his breath falling softly against her cheek, and her stomach bottomed out.

“You wouldn’t know it, but he’s a bloody wreck, with us all leaving school soon,” James said softly, and as he put his hand on her waist, she felt his thumb stroke the satin fabric of her dress.

“Why?” she asked. His expression was suddenly so despondent, she thought she would cry.

“It’s the end of an era, you know?” he said, letting out a sigh. She quickly realized what the end of school would mean for these four boys, who had spent half their lives living in the same room.

“But the beginning of a new one, right?” she prompted, and his smile returned, directed at her.

“Right,” he agreed, his eyes bright behind his glasses. Her breath caught in her throat. Maybe it was the firewhisky in the punch. Maybe it was seeing Remus and Sirius together and wanting what they had. Maybe it was the warmth in James’ eyes, in his smile, in his hands. She let her head rest against his shoulder, felt him breath in deeply, sharply, in surprise. His arms tightened around her waist.

With her ear against his chest, she heard his heart pounding erratically, but his breathing was slow and steadied, as if he were working hard to control it. She let out a quiet laugh, wondering if he’d really had this crush on her since fifth year. Back then, he’d been so arrogant and loud and confrontational – she always assumed that all the times he’d asked her out had been for the sole purpose of irritating Severus.

The boy from fifth year wasn’t anything like the one holding her in his arms. That boy from fifth year would’ve snogged Mary MacDonald in that empty classroom at the party. That boy from fifth year would have blindly retaliated against Slytherin after the attack on his best friend. That boy from fifth year would have shouted at her from across the room, demanding a dance.

Instead, _this_ boy, with one hand settled delicately against her waist, and the other with fingers linked within her own, was the same one who refused to kiss another girl who wasn’t the one he loved. He stayed up long, worrying nights, wondering who would ever want to hurt one of his friends. He had walked over, with a nervous smile and an open hand, quietly, unassumingly asking if she would like to share a dance with him.

If she was honest with herself, her attention to James Potter started long before she knew how he felt about her. She could blame it on keeping an eye on him, or making sure he wasn’t up to something, but he hadn’t been up to _anything_ in a lot longer than she could admit. She knew about Remus’ lycanthropy because of how closely she watched James. She had found out about Sirius and Remus because of how jealous she was that James was in that room with Mary MacDonald.

It should have made her nervous how comfortable she felt in James’ arms. It should have scared her. It should have made her run screaming from the Great Hall. Instead, she burrowed in deeper, the sharp stubble at his throat bristling against her temple. His Adam’s apple bobbed down her cheek as her swallowed in response to how much closer she was, a shaky breath falling into her hair just before he pressed his cheek against it.

“You and Sirius make a cute couple,” she joked, to lighten the tension between them. James laughed, the muscles of his throat tightening against her cheek, and she wished she hadn’t realized how easy it would be to turn her head and place her lips against his tanned skin.

“As much as I hate to say it, you and Remus _do_ look good together,” he said, the anxiety apparent in his voice, and she thought for a moment of antagonizing him – making him think that she might be interested in Remus Lupin, who was unavailable to her in many more ways than James knew. Instead, James spoke again, interrupting her quip. “It’s not quite right, though, is it? Something about Remus.”

“What about Remus?” she scoffed, wondering if she was about to have to cover for him. James pulled back, looking down at her, eyes softened by candlelight and something unnamed.

“Nothing,” he shrugged. “He just wasn’t _me_.” She smiled, his arms softened around her.

“It’s you now.”

 

**_ Sirius  _ **

 

He’d been hiding it since the morning after the day he went missing. With him and Remus back to what other people saw as normal for them, Sirius thought maybe the threat would have gone away. It hadn’t. There was always a pair of dark, hateful eyes watching every move they made.

The nightmares hadn’t stopped. They were waning, but Sirius still placed a Silencing spell around his bed every night, just to be sure. Remus couldn’t know that he braced every time he turned a corner or winced every time he heard a raised voice. He couldn’t know that Sirius was afraid. Especially of a coward like Severus Snape. But that was part of the problem – his cowardice.

Before, Sirius had no idea the lengths that Snape would go to. It had started as a few aberrant hexes, mostly in fifth year, after the _Mudblood_ incident with Lily. Even then, the hexes stayed mostly between Snape and James. After all, everyone knew that Snape had a thing for Lily, and that if it came down to the two of them, Lily would pick James over him. Of course she would. Who wouldn’t?

Evidently, Snape would do anything to ruin James’ chances with Lily, even if it meant attacking and kidnapping his best mate. Even if it meant cracking his skull with a blunt instrument and interrogating him as he bled all over the ground. Those things were probably common place to a Death Eater.

Snape had no idea what he was doing. The secret that he was so desperate to find out wouldn’t ruin James – it would ruin _Remus_. And Sirius would never let that happen. He would die first.

Now, it was the day of the full moon, and Snape had been closely following them for the last two weeks. Sirius had managed to keep the others oblivious to it – even Remus, which was exceedingly hard to do, except that it was _Sirius_ , and Remus could always be heavily distracted by Sirius. Half the time, all he had to do was pull his hair up off his neck and Remus’ attention was instantly diverted.

If they tried to get away to the Shack tonight, Snape would definitely follow them. They hadn’t gone anywhere of any significance in the last two weeks that Snape _hadn’t_ followed them. He’d trailed them into Hogsmeade (and into every shop they entered), into the library when Remus had gone to study and Sirius had gone to watch. Sirius had even caught him watching Remus do his rounds as Prefect, more than once. It didn’t matter if Snape was the orchestrator of the nightmares that had ben plaguing him, Sirius was going to hunt him down and he was going to stop this. He was going to protect Remus.

Because only the night before, Remus Lupin has asked Sirius to marry him, and nothing had ever sounded so good. Whatever Sirius had to do to make it happen, he would do it. They would have their autumn wedding, even if they couldn’t legally marry. They would have their cottage in Wales, and their Sunday lunches with the Potter family, and Sirius would take Remus’ name, because he had never wanted his own.  

Sirius wondered if Remus remembered it – his proposal. Wondered if he’d meant it – if he would still mean it in the daylight, without the firewhisky in his belly. They’d been friends for half their lives, but they’d only really been _together_ for a short while – only since the first of the year. For Sirius, it was enough. He would’ve said yes if Remus had asked him in the corridor just after their first kiss. He likely would’ve said yes before he even knew he was in love with Remus. Nothing had ever been as right as Remus Lupin.

The other Marauders had woken already – Sirius could hear James and Peter giving their good mornings from the other side of his drawn curtains. Remus had yet to speak, but James’ and Peter’s voices sounded strained and weary – they’d all had a little too much to drink, slept a little too late in the day. It was going to be a rough full moon. Sirius hoped to keep it from getting worse.

As he pulled open the curtains of his four-poster bed, he winced at the brightness of the sunlight pouring into their room. James noticed his expression and nodded in agreement.

“Why does morning have to be so bloody cheery?” Sirius growled as he stumbled out of bed, placing his hand on the nearest wall to steady himself. Peter laughed.

“Says the one who’s usually annoyingly cheerful in the morning,” Peter accused, trading his pyjama shirt for a Weird Sisters T-shirt. Sirius bared his teeth – usually he was cheerful in the morning because he got to spend the night tangled up in Remus’ lanky arms, meaning he got to wake up to soft morning kisses and fingers running tenderly through his dark hair. Not last night. Not any night for the last two weeks.

“Didn’t sleep much?” James asked knowingly, giving Sirius a purposeful look. Sirius returned a cheesy grin to cover the worry that was surely all over his face.

“Where _did_ you disappear to last night, anyway?” Peter asked. After their meeting in the classroom, Remus had returned to the dance, but Sirius couldn’t stand to be in the same room with the man who had just proposed to him and not be allowed to _act_ like it. He’d gone back to the dorms alone.

“Pete, I was so pissed last night, I don’t even know how I made it back here,” Sirius groaned, rubbing his hands over his face. He peeked at Remus through his fingers, watching Remus go still for a split second. His eyes flicked over toward Sirius, but Remus purposefully didn’t meet his gaze. The weight suddenly in the bottom of Sirius’ stomach burned – it crawled up Sirius’ chest and gripped the inside of his throat. Was Remus already regretting what he’d said last night? Or did he not remember it at all?

Maybe Remus was afraid of the consequences of their being together. After all, they’d been a secret since the beginning – Remus might not _want_ anyone else to know about them. Sirius didn’t want to think about the idea that maybe Remus was ashamed of being with him.

The look on Remus’ face pushed Sirius’ desperation over the edge. He was going to show Remus that he could keep him safe. And he was going to start by making sure that Snape was nowhere near them tonight.

“We slept too late. Only a few hours before …” James started, but Sirius interrupted.

“Maybe we should stay here tonight,” he said quietly. All eyes were instantly on him.

“Did you forget it’s the full moon tonight?” James asked calmly, eyeing him carefully. The Marauders had been treating him overly delicately since the incident with the Confundus charm – he couldn’t necessarily blame them after he woke up screaming in the middle of the night. 

“I remember,” he stated simply. “I’ve just got a bad feeling about going to the Shack.”

“Sirius,” Remus finally spoke, his low voice still filled with sleep. “I don’t have a choice.” Sirius’ heart felt like it shattered – the ordinary way Remus had said it, like it wasn’t something horrible that happened to his body every single month. And Sirius supposed it almost _was_ ordinary to him – Remus had been dealing with transformations since he was a toddler. It hurt Sirius to know that Remus was _used_ to it. 

“I know, but …” Remus interrupted.

“Does this have to do with the Confundus?” he asked sharply, and Sirius had to bite down a snapping, defensive denial. As usual, Remus was more perceptive than Sirius anticipated.

“You said yourself. Maybe it wasn’t an accident,” Sirius replied, trying to stay calm, while Remus was getting increasingly agitated. Was Remus mad at him?

“It _wasn’t_ an accident, Pads. I’m pretty sure you know that better than we do,” Remus barked, violently pulling a shirt on over his bare skin. Sirius furrowed his eyebrows.

“More of a reason to stay here,” he countered, and Remus scoffed.

“And do what? Lock me in the closet? Let me loose in the fucking castle? Be realistic, Sirius,” Remus growled, and Sirius knew he was right. But it didn’t help the fact that he knew, he _knew_ , that if they went to the Shack tonight, by the next morning, the whole school would know what Remus was.

“I don’t know, okay?” Sirius snapped. “I don’t fucking know. But I’m worried, Moony.” He softened his tone to remind Remus that he was on his side.

“Worried about what?” Remus asked, through clenched teeth. “That someone is going to figure out the extremely complicated way of getting into the Shack after dark? Who would want to?” Sirius remained silent. If he said it now, they’d know who threw that Confundus charm, and Remus would know why. He would know that Sirius got beat up because he was protecting Remus, and Sirius wasn’t going to let him find that out.

“It doesn’t matter who,” Sirius deflected, and Remus was visibly irritated.

“You know, I’m not really feeling that compassionate today. If they want to get ripped to shreds, then let them.” Sirius’ mouth dropped open. James and Peter stood there shocked, exchanging awkward glances between Remus and Sirius, and between each other. 

“It’s not them I’m worried about!” Sirius shouted. Remus let out a short breath, turning sharply and facing Sirius head-on for the first time, his usually golden eyes darkened.

“You’ve said nothing, _nothing_ to me about it the last two weeks. You think I don’t hear you casting a Silencing spell on your bed every night, so I don’t wake up to you screaming again?” Remus yelled, bearing down into Sirius’ face, and Sirius let him. “You know who did this to you, Sirius, I see it in your face. Do you not trust me enough to tell me?” Sirius stiffened, his chest filled with a dull ache.

“How could you even ask me that?” Sirius breathed out, his dark brows furrowing. For a moment, Remus backed down – Sirius could see the conflict in his expression.

“It doesn’t matter,” Remus finally huffed. “We’re going to the Shack tonight.” Sirius took in a breath, pursing his lips tightly as he considered his options. There was really just one.

“Fine,” he finally said, pulling on some clothes that he gathered from the foot of his bed. “But I’m not going to watch you die for this, Moony.” He slammed the door on his way out.

 

**_ Remus  _ **

 

Oh, God. He’d proposed to Sirius last night. Had he really been drunk enough to ask Sirius to marry him? They couldn’t even _get_ married, legally. They hadn’t even been together that long.

To Remus, it didn’t matter. He would’ve asked Sirius to marry him in fifth year, if he could have. He would’ve asked him in the secret pass where they shared their first kiss. He would’ve asked him in the Shack after every full moon. If he had known Sirius would’ve said yes, he would have asked him the day they met.

Sirius _had_ said yes. That was the part that surprised Remus the most. Sirius hadn’t brushed it off, hadn’t ignored that it had been asked – he’d made Remus ask him _proper_ , one knee and all, so he could say _yes_.

Despite his fervent answer, Remus still wondered what Sirius would say in the daylight, after all the firewhisky had been pissed away. Both of them had far too much to drink. Sirius might rethink his answer, once sober. But it wouldn’t stop Remus from asking again – he’d ask him again every day, if he had to.

There was only one regret he had about last night – that he hadn’t gotten to stay with Sirius all night long, that he hadn’t gone up to their dorm, hand-in-hand with Sirius and that he hadn’t asked Sirius to stay in bed with him. Instead, he’d gone back to the dance, for nothing more than appearances. He may as well have not even been there – his heart was upstairs in the sheets next to Sirius Black.

When he pulled back the curtains of his bed, taking a moment to orient his eyes to the sunlight streaming in through the windows, he noticed that Sirius’ curtains were still closed. Remus wondered how much sleep Sirius had even gotten – he hadn’t really slept right since the Confundus charm. Sirius tried to hide it, but Remus knew him better than that. It unsettled Remus that Sirius felt the need to hide it in the first place.

James and Peter quietly offered Remus a ‘ _good morning’_. Remus just waved his hand in response. The firewhisky had been good for getting up the courage to propose to his boyfriend, but not so good for the morning after. His head felt like it was split down the middle, and his impending transformation wasn’t helping.

Sirius’ curtains shuffled. “Why does morning have to be so bloody cheery?” he growled, emerging with one eye closed to block out the light, bracing himself against the wall as he fell from his mattress. Remus couldn’t help the tired smile that appeared on his lips. He wanted to run over and kiss him.

“Says the one who’s usually annoyingly cheerful in the morning,” Peter quipped, as he changed, and Sirius snarled in response. Other than the last two weeks, Sirius was usually cheerful in the morning because he’d just woken up to Remus’ lips in his hair. For that reason, Remus was usually just as chipper.

“Didn’t sleep much?” James asked, looking knowingly at Sirius. Sirius rose a single brow, lips split into a smile, and Remus had to hide the arrogant grin that was steadily forming over his face.

“Where did you disappear to last night, anyway?” Peter asked. Remus pulled his lips into his teeth, but Sirius didn’t even look over at him. In fact, Sirius had _yet_ to look over at him.

“Pete,” Sirius sighed, running his hands over his face and into his hair. “I was so pissed last night, I don’t even know how I made it back here.” Remus felt his lungs empty, and he glanced over briefly to try to see the expression on Sirius’ face, but there was none to be found. Sirius wasn’t even looking over.

He didn’t even remember it. Remus had proposed to him and he didn’t even remember. Sirius had said _yes_ , and he didn’t even remember. While it didn’t necessarily change their relationship at all, Remus couldn’t rationalize the bitter ache that formed in his chest.

Worse theories than that crept their way into Remus’ mind. What if Sirius remembered it completely, but was having second thoughts now that Remus’ mouth wasn’t around his cock? After all, this was Sirius fucking Black – he hadn’t exactly had the best reputation before he’d been with Remus. Maybe that’s all Remus was to him – just another lay who was never meant as a permanent fixture.

It was the moon talking – Remus knew that. It made him more self-deprecating, made him more irritated, made him more paranoid. Every month it was the same, and Sirius had to constantly remind him _‘It’s you, Remus, it’s always been you._ ’ But there was something different about the way Sirius was acting this morning, and Remus couldn’t pretend that it didn’t have something to do with last night.

“We slept too late,” James groaned. “Only a few hours before …”

“Maybe we should stay here tonight,” Sirius interjected. The rest of the Marauders stopped to stare at him. This proved it – something was definitely wrong. Was Sirius angry at him? Surely he realized that Remus _had_ to go to the Shack, no matter what. Did he mean to let Remus go alone? Sirius wouldn’t do that to him.

“Did you forget it’s the full moon tonight?” James asked slowly, looking strangely at him.

“I remember,” Sirius said with a shrug, and Remus was suddenly irritated with how lightly he was taking this. What had happened since last night? Where was the Sirius who had wanted to marry him?

Sirius continued, “I’ve just got a bad feeling about going to the Shack.” Remus softened a bit. He couldn’t blame Sirius for being paranoid. Ever since Sirius was attacked, Remus had noticed him being overly cautious – glancing behind his shoulder when they were walking down a long hallway, peering around corners before turning fully. Regardless, there wasn’t really another option.

“Sirius,” Remus said, and for the first time, Sirius looked at him. But for some reason, Remus couldn’t read the look on his face at all. “I don’t have a choice.”

The expression on Sirius’ face suddenly changed, and he clenched his jaw. “I know, but …”

“Does this have to do with the Confundus?” Remus asked suddenly, his voice coming out more biting than he intended. This topic of conversation wasn’t his favorite.

“You said yourself,” Sirius stated calmly, “Maybe it wasn’t an accident.” Remus took a breath, feeling the Wolf rise up from his chest a little. He clenched his fists.

“It _wasn’t_ an accident, Pads. I’m pretty sure you know that better than we do.” His words were choppy, he busied himself with getting dressed so that he wouldn’t lose control.

“More of a reason to stay here,” Sirius stated again, and Remus finally snapped.

“And do what?” he barked, and Sirius flinched a little. “Lock me in the closet? Let me loose in the fucking castle? Be realistic, Sirius.” Sirius lifted his eyebrows and let them fall just as easily. Remus could hear Sirius’ voice in his head, ‘ _You always do this, you’re taking the moon out on_ me _**again**_ ,’ even though Sirius was always so patient with him on the day of the full moon.

“I don’t know, okay?” Sirius bit back. “I don’t fucking know. But I’m worried, Moony.” Remus heard Sirius’ voice go soft, but it only made Remus’ frustration grow. Where was this coming from?

“Worried about what?” Remus asked, clenching and unclenching his jaw. “That someone is going to figure out the extremely complicated way of getting into the Shack after dark? Who would want to?” He’d asked it on purpose, because Sirius _knew_ who would want to. He just wouldn’t tell them. He wouldn’t tell _Remus_. If he was keeping something this big from Remus, what else would he keep from him?

“It doesn’t matter who,” Sirius brushed off. Remus took a step back, bringing his hands up to his face. Would Sirius _ever_ be completely honest with him? Did he even mean what he said last night? 

“You know,” Remus finally said, with a mouth full of rage. “I’m not feeling that compassionate today. If they want to get ripped to shreds, then let them.” He spat the words from his lips and the rest of the Marauders stared at the air where they landed. Remus was never this cruel, but he wasn’t feeling himself. The pull of the moon, the aching emptiness of wondering if Sirius might not want to stay with him, and not having Sirius’ lips against his ear telling him that he was crazy for even thinking it – all added up to the worst Remus had ever felt.

“It’s not them I’m worried about!” Sirius yelled. Remus shook his head – Sirius didn’t _get_ to be worried about him, not after everything he had kept from Remus. They could have faced this together. They could have solved whatever this problem was long before this moment. No, Sirius didn’t get to keep things from him, and then have the luxury of acting like _he_ was the one protecting Remus.

“You’ve said nothing,” Remus growled, turning and leaning hard into Sirius’ face, “ _nothing_ to me about it the last two weeks. You think I don’t hear you casting a Silencing spell on your bed every night, so I don’t wake up to you screaming again?” Remus shouted, and Sirius swallowed, letting his gaze fall. “You know who did this to you, Sirius, I see it in your face.” His voice lowered. “Do you not trust me enough to tell me?”

Immediately, Sirius’ gaze snapped back onto Remus’ face, eyes wide. “How could you even ask me that?” His voice was hollow, words falling out like breath. Remus recoiled at his tone, no longer sure of who was right and who was wrong in this argument. There was only one thing he knew.

“It doesn’t matter,” he sighed. “We’re going to the Shack tonight.” Sirius took in a breath, but let it out in the very next moment, staring at the floor.

“Fine,” he finally said, shaking his head and getting dressed, grabbing his jacket as he walked toward the door. “But I’m not going to watch you die for this, Moony.” The door slammed behind him. Remus paced a tight circle, shoving his fist against the wall near the window. He felt his knuckles crack, felt the wood buckle.

“Moony,” Peter said from behind him, in a timid voice.

“We don’t have a choice. _I_ don’t have a choice,” Remus said, his voice breaking as he began to realize what he’d just said to the love of his life. His breath fell out staggered, his head hung limp from his shoulders.

Peter placed himself between Remus and the wall that his fist was still pressed against, and put his arms around Remus’s chest, squeezing tightly. Startled, Remus flinched, the movement pressing hot tears down his cheeks, before he sank down into Peter’s embrace, curling his fingers around the fabric of his T-shirt.

“I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t have said any of that to him,” Remus mumbled into Peter’s shoulder, bent over nearly in half just so his face could reach it.

“He knows how you feel, Moons. He knows,” Peter whispered, patting him softly on the back, and for the first time, Remus wondered how much Peter knew. “James and I are going with you to the Shack. Like we always do.” Remus shut his eyes tightly. He felt James’ hand slide over his shoulder.

“He’ll be back in time for the moon, I know he will,” James said, but his voice was hesitant. Remus slipped from Peter’s grasp, crumpling onto the wooden floor, looking up at both of them.

“Why won’t he tell us? He knows who did this to him. He probably knows _why_ they did it. And we’re just supposed to let him get hurt again?” Remus rambled, stubbornly rubbing at the tears that he wouldn’t allow to keep falling down his cheeks. James swallowed.

“He thinks he’s protecting us,” James reasoned. “I guess.” Remus scoffed, wiping his hand underneath his nose, letting out a deep, calming breath, before catching James’ gaze.

“Then we go to the Shack without him.” Peter and James shared a worried look that they thought went unnoticed. Remus was already mad at himself for getting so upset, but he and Sirius hadn’t ever had a fight like this, especially not so close to the moon. Remus couldn’t remember what it was like to go through the moon without Sirius. He didn’t want to have to remember. “I don’t have a choice,” he repeated, his voice quivering.

 

**_ Sirius  _ **

 

With shaking hands, Sirius covered his face, leaning for a moment against the wall at the bottom of the stairs. He and Remus had never fought like this before, and Sirius didn’t really even know what the fight had been about in the first place. Granted, his idea _was_ impossible – they couldn’t stay in their dorm while Remus transformed into a creature that wanted to kill them all. Neither could any of the rest of them safely change into their Animagus form to help keep him calm. Not in the castle.

He just wanted to keep Remus safe. That was the only thing that mattered. Whatever he had to do to make sure that happened, he would. If it meant going to the Shack with the Marauders, then he would go. If it meant hunting down Severus Snape and Petrifying him, he would do that, too. Anything, _anything_ for Moony.

His hands hadn’t stopped shaking – Remus had been so angry with him. Of course, it was the day of the full moon, and Remus was always tense on those days. Sirius could always sedate him – put his lips onto Remus’ skin and tell him that he was still Remus Lupin, that he was still the one Sirius caught himself staring at in Transfiguration, that he was still the one that Sirius would blow senseless come the next morning.

Today, however, he’d been surrounded by the Marauders – he couldn’t exactly put his tongue in Remus’ mouth with James and Peter looking on. Not to mention, Sirius was tense in his own way, and instead of helping Remus’ panic about the moon, he’d likely only made it worse.

But he wasn’t going to let Remus get hurt. Sirius would find Snape and do whatever was necessary to keep him from going to the Shack. There was still plenty of time to hunt Snape down, make sure he was going to stay in the castle that night, and still make it to the Shack in time for Remus’ transformation.

He didn’t want to start this endeavor until closer to the moon – he wanted to make sure that Snape would be totally incapacitated until they were safely tucked into the Shack or running through the Forbidden Forest. They had started the day late, but not quite late enough. If he tried to make Snape disappear right then, it was likely Snape would find a way to worm his way out of it.

Neither could he return to the dorm. He wasn’t ready to face Remus, wasn’t ready to admit he was wrong, even though _of course_ they couldn’t lock Remus in the castle. Until he was ready to face Snape, he had to find a place to hide. A place to sulk. A place to hope that Remus didn’t hate him.

 

A few hours later, Sirius started his hunt. It was late enough that Snape was possibly in the Great Hall for dinner, so Sirius headed there first. As he peered around the edge of the door, he confirmed – Snape sat at the end of the Slytherin table, surrounded by other Death Eaters. None of them smiled.

For a long time, nothing happened. The group of Death Eaters were silent. People passed Sirius on their way out of the Great Hall, giving him curious glances, but Sirius stayed, trying to blink as little as possible, as if Snape would somehow vanish from his sight.

“What are you _doing_ , Black?” he heard a familiar female voice whisper at his side. He glanced over, trying to keep one eye on the Slytherin table at the same time. Lily stood there, arms crossed, with Marlene at her side, mirroring her stance. Sirius tried hard to keep from rolling his eyes, but it was a failed endeavor.

“Shut up, Evans,” he hissed, pulling her down to a crouch with him. “Fuck off, McKinnon.” Marlene let out a loud, sharp huff, stomping away from where Sirius and Lily kneeled on the brick.

“That wasn’t very nice.” Lily snorted to cover a laugh. Sirius let out a derisive breath.

“Yeah, well. Remus doesn’t like her,” he said, a dull ache spreading through his ribcage at the thought of Remus. Sirius didn’t want to give Remus any more of a reason to be mad at him. Marlene being around would only make it worse. He took a breath to dispel the tightening in his chest.

“Merlin, you’ve got it worse for him than I thought,” Lily teased with a smirk.

Sirius clenched his jaw – he was _not_ in a playful mood. “Do you really want to go into that right now, Lily? How bad I’ve got it for Remus? Do you want to discuss how you saw me with my tongue in his mouth? The shameless way I moaned his name? How easily I let him pin me to the wall with his hand on my co-”

“Alright, I get it,” she snapped, blushing brightly. “You still haven’t told me what you’re doing here.”

“I’m _spying_.” He lowered his voice, turning to look at her with an accusing expression. “You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you,” he said flatly, angrily pushing the hair from his face. She recoiled.

“What is _with_ you today?” she asked, and when Sirius looked over at her, the worry on his face must have been palpable, because her frustrated expression washed out. “Are you okay?”

“Fucking wonderful,” he grumbled. Just then, Snape stood from his group at the table, walking back toward the door. Alone. This was the chance that Sirius was waiting for. “I have to go,” he hissed, standing quickly and getting out of Snape’s line of sight by ducking behind one of the giant doors of the Hall.

“Sirius, what is going on?” she asked, a little too loudly, as she also stood. He shot her a frightening expression, his features gone tight with the strain hiding behind his skin.

“For once in your life, mind your own business,” he snapped. He regretted it as soon as it was out, and the look on Lily’s face definitely didn’t ease his guilt. But he didn’t have time to apologize. This was a limited window of opportunity to get Snape alone, where he could beat him by himself. He wasn’t going to miss this.

Sirius flattened himself behind the door as Lily walked down the hall, away from the Great Hall. He heard Snape call after Lily and was surprised that she turned. Since the _Mudblood_ fiasco in fifth year, Lily hadn’t exactly been amicable toward Snape. Sirius didn’t know why they were friends in the first place.

“Lily, you’re making a mistake,” he heard Snape say, in that uniquely viscous quality of his voice. Sirius peered through the crack at the door hinge to see Lily turn hesitantly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Severus,” she sighed, and Sirius could hear the disappointment in her voice. Though the reason was lost on Sirius, he knew that when Snape had called her that word, it had hurt her pretty badly. ‘ _Words are just words_ ,’ she had said, and Sirius knew. It wasn’t the word that was so painful – it was the fact that her _friend_ would strike so low, that he would choose Death Eaters over her.

“Potter. He’s using you for something.” Sirius clenched his fists, feeling like attempting to unhinge the door he was hiding behind to bury Snape underneath it. The reason James was spending time with Lily was because he was madly, annoyingly, _disgustingly_ in love with Lily. The way Sirius was in love with Remus.

Lily let out an exasperated breath. “Severus, _don’t_.” She gave him a warning gaze, but he was too self-absorbed to notice it, and he continued talking.

“There is something they are hiding. I don’t know what it is, but I’m sure it’s dangerous, and I don’t want you to be involved in it.” He rambled a bit, Sirius thought he must be nervous.

“ _You_ don’t want me to be involved in it?” she bit back, Sirius winced at her tone. “You don’t get to _want_ things for me. Not to mention, I don’t fit into your new group of friends, anyway, do I?” The shock that radiated from Snape crept through the cracks in the door and Sirius almost felt sorry for him. Almost. Would have, if Snape hadn’t beaten the shit out of him and nearly left him to die in the equipment shed.

“You know I didn’t mean it,” Snape said quietly. Lily actually laughed.

“But you said it.” Sirius closed his eyes, remembering the things he’d said to Remus before he’d slammed the door between them. He hadn’t said anything hateful, hadn’t said anything to blatantly hurt Remus, but that didn’t mean that Remus wasn’t hurt. And Sirius knew he _had_ offended Remus somehow, it was all over Remus’ face – the disappointment, the distress. Maybe it wasn’t what Sirius had said _today_ , at all.

“Lily, please.” Snape’s voice begged. She was stone.

“Stop. Go back to the friends you chose over me.” She turned swiftly, her red hair forming a bright, shimmering train behind her as she walked down the darkening corridor. For a moment, Snape stood silently, alone in the doorway, before letting out an irritated snort and storming off in the opposite direction. The direction where Sirius was hiding. Sirius closed his eyes, praying that Snape didn’t turn to see him tucked between the wall and the door of the Great Hall. He heard the swishing of Snape’s robes, felt the breeze he carried as he melodramatically rushed past. Sirius went unseen.

Once Snape had disappeared around the corner, Sirius went after him, as quietly, but as quickly as possible, so he didn’t lose sight of him for long. As he glanced around the corner, the bottoms of Snape’s robes were vanishing around the next corner. Sirius raced to catch up, drawing his wand, just in case. He cautiously turned another corner, into the hall that led to the stairs of the Slytherin dungeons. But Snape was gone.

And Sirius felt the sharp point of a wand prodding at the base of his skull, pushing so far into his spine that it tilted his head back, his eyes on the ceiling. He’d been so focused on protecting Remus, so focused on the steadily setting sun that he’d done exactly as Snape expected him to do – run blindly after him. Sirius let out a defeated, irritated breath as Snape reached over his shoulder and snatched the wand from Sirius’ fingers.

The voice from his nightmares spoke to him. “What should I do with you?” he sneered from behind Sirius, the end of his wand pressing deeper into Sirius’ skin. “I could easily use the Killing Curse on you right now, but that would defeat the purpose, would it not?”

Sirius remained silent, taking in breaths as steadily as possible, but the memory of the equipment shed had settled into the depths of his stomach. He wasn’t afraid of _Snape_ – he was afraid of the fact that Snape had absolutely no limit in cruelty. He was afraid that this would mean missing the full moon.

With a deep breath, Sirius squared his shoulders. “I’m sure you’re very familiar with how to cast Unforgiveables by now, aren’t you, Snivellus? How does Lily feel about that?” He felt Snape stiffen.

“Your arrogance knows no bounds, Black,” Snape chuckled, as if he were totally undisturbed by the comment Sirius just made, but his wand quivered. “You could have prevented this if you had told someone, _anyone_ that I had cast that Confundus charm at you. But you would never admit that I beat you in a fight.”

“Beat me?” Sirius scoffed, swallowing hard. “You hit me from behind, like a coward. I’d hardly call that a fight. Hand my wand back and you can test me in a proper fight.” Before Snape could answer, Sirius whirled around, fist raised. Snape reared back in instinct – Sirius made contact, but only caught the tip of Snape’s chin.

The word that echoed throughout his nightmares was shouted aloud, “Confundus!” and the weight of it send Sirius reeling around, tumbling forward into the bricks. He didn’t have the clarity to put his hands out.

  

**_ Remus  _ **

 

It took a long time for Remus to calm down. Peter helped more than James – Remus was fairly certain that Sirius’ absence was taking a toll on him, too. After all, if Sirius didn’t come back before the moon, James would be left to deal with the Wolf on his own, mostly. After the transformation, there wasn’t much that Peter could do, as Wormtail. A flash of grey under moonlight acted as a good distraction, sometimes. And there _were_ tiny teeth marks along Remus’ earlobe from one rather brave attempt at subduing the Wolf, when he had reared up and taken Padfoot by the throat during a particularly violent blood moon. 

By the time Remus had just begun to breathe steadily again, the sun was setting. They would be heading for the Shack any moment. And Sirius still hadn’t come back. Remus’ breathing became sporadic again. Peter picked up on it immediately. James continued to pace in front of the dorm door.

“We _have_ to go,” Peter said emphatically, trying to keep his voice steady as he held a hand on each of Remus’ shoulders. A light shudder had just begun to run through them, even though Remus felt like he was running a temperature hot enough to boil the skin from his bones.

“He’ll be here,” James argued through clenched teeth. “We just have to wait a lit-”

“James!” Peter shouted, and Remus winced at the ringing it left in his overly-sensitive ears. James looked back in shock – Peter took a breath but looked sternly at James. “Moony needs to leave _now_.” James’ eyes fell on Remus, sweat rolling down his temples, his muscles twitching in preparation for the oncoming pain.

“I’m so sorry, Moony,” James crumpled, gathering his composure, and his cloak. “I really thought he was going to come back.” Remus tried not to focus on the very different pain that those words caused. Instead, he focused on the pain he was familiar with, no matter how excruciating. At least this pain, he _knew_ – this pain, he would live through. The pain in his heart was somehow worse. _That_ pain could kill him if he let it.

“Let’s go,” Peter said in a hushed voice, as if trying to offset his previous yell. Remus tried to gather himself, pulling up the bottom of his shirt to wipe the sweat from his forehead, rolling his shoulders to calm their shivering. Swallowing his heart that had somehow ended up in his throat.

 

Sirius wasn’t at the Shack, either. They hadn’t passed him in any of the secret passageways along the route that they had memorized from their dorm to the grounds. He really wasn’t coming.

Remus tried to deaden the stinging in his chest. He tried not to acknowledge the fact that this would be his first moon without Sirius for longer than he wanted to remember. He tried not to remember what it was like without Sirius, without any of his Marauders. Back when he would sneak out to the Shack _alone_ , rip skin from muscle _alone_ , gnaw at his flesh _alone_ , because there was nothing there to keep him busy.

But he wasn’t alone. James and Peter were both with him, and he was as grateful for them as he’d ever been. As a stag, James was strong enough, courageous enough, agile enough to restrain the Wolf when things went awry. That wasn’t what was worrying Remus. More than anything, he was concerned that the despair in his heart would be conveyed to the Wolf – and the Wolf couldn’t rationalize _this_ pain. Remus was afraid he would hurt the friends who stayed with him over the one who abandoned him.

Abandon. As he thought the word, the first sickening _crunch_ of bone tore through his spine and he lurched forward, desperately holding in the contents of his stomach. The first part was always the worst – when he was still _mostly_ himself, but he could feel the Wolf steadily clawing out through his veins. Being aware of the change was grueling, because he had to watch his friends horrified, worried expressions as they watched him go through this, month after agonizing month.

Another twitch, Remus wondered if his shoulder had come out of socket. The dull ache that had been scattered underneath his skin had amplified into a fiery, staggering, searing pain, so if his shoulder _had_ just come unhinged, he couldn’t tell. At least not from the pain, alone. The pain was everywhere. It was all over.

Though he tried to avoid James and Peter’s sympathetic, pained expressions, he couldn’t help but look up at them. Their faces, twisted and clenched, were always the hardest. No, _Sirius’_ reaction was always the hardest – always on the verge of tears, always having to hold onto James to keep himself from rushing over to hold Remus. But Sirius wasn’t there. Remus howled, fingernails digging into the wood floor.

A sudden sound pulled Remus’ gaze sharply toward the door that led in from the tunnel under the castle ground, the one that led from the Willow. Remus let out a low growl, like the wild animal he was quickly becoming. What was left of Remus expected, hoped, longed for it to be Sirius.

 

It wasn’t.

 

**_ Sirius _ **

 

His eyes were hazed, inside his head was dizzying. In the pitch darkness, there was nothing to orient himself to, he couldn’t stop the motion. Finally, there was light – Sirius’ eyes tried to adjust, but it still felt like he would topple over at any moment – that is, if he hadn’t been strapped down, bound to a chair.

“What is this?” Sirius snarled in a low growl, trying to ignore the simmering panic in his gut. Truthfully, he knew exactly what this was. Snape had ambushed him _again_. And Sirius had walked right into this one.

“You’re going to tell me everything, _Black_.” Sirius heard his name spat out with more disdain that he’d ever heard it, in a drawling tone that was sickeningly familiar.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Snape’s face came into the dim light and Sirius recoiled at how close he suddenly was. The cruel smirk on his lips turned Sirius’ stomach – he felt like he was back on the ground in the equipment shed, surrounded by his own blood. He could feel the dirt between his teeth.

“I’m going to ruin everything for you. For all of you. Especially _Potter_.” If Sirius’ name had been spat before, James’ name had just been exorcised from Snape’s lips, like it was the vilest word he could utter.

“Whatever you think you’re doing, whatever you _think_ is going on, you’re wrong.” Sirius grit his teeth. It wasn’t about James – Snape didn’t know that. He likely didn’t care, at this point. He’d already gone to such lengths to get this secret, without even knowing what it was. He’d evidently do anything to get it.

It didn’t matter what Snape did – he could torture Sirius, if he wanted. He’d done as much in the equipment shed. Nothing was going to make him betray Remus. _Nothing_.

“This secret that you’ve all been keeping.” Snape circled him like a viper. “I’m finally going to find out what it is. And when I do, I’m going to make sure it destroys each and every one of you.”

“Go ahead and keep trying, Snivellus,” Sirius forced a laugh. “It’s never going to happen.”

Snape rounded the chair, gripping onto Sirius’ arms, where they were tied down, staring deep into Sirius’ eyes. Sirius could feel Snape raise his wand, pressed against his forearm, as he uttered, “Legilimens.”

Sirius’ eyes widened. “No,” he heard himself whisper, his own voice growing distant as he began to feel his weight sucked out from underneath him. Suddenly, he was watching his own memories, just as Snape was watching them, despite how furiously Sirius tried to fight it.

He could see Remus through his own eyes, the memory of Remus, as _Sirius_ remembered him. He was in the Shack, the morning after the moon, new scars scattered over his freckled skin. It was before they had gotten together, but Sirius still reached for Remus all the same. His fingers pressed gently against Remus’ bruised skin – Sirius could practically feel it, even then. Even knowing it was a memory. Even with Snape watching them from beyond the shadows in the corners of Sirius’ mind.

“No,” Sirius repeated, blanking out the memory, trying hard to keep Snape from it. From any of it. But all it did was change the memory – and Remus was in all of them. Remus was in everything.

The next one showed Sirius and Remus sitting across the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall – a splicing together of every instance they had locked their feet together in the morning, and all the times Remus had given him a soft, careful smile afterward. Sirius couldn’t let him see further than this.

“Don’t do this!” Sirius shouted, trying to focus on anything else, but there was nothing else in his mind. It was only, ever on Remus. The memory changed again – to the Marauders, in their Animagi forms, to Padfoot watching Moony sprint through the Forbidden Forest under bright, silver moonlight. Sirius could practically feel Snape’s arrogance in finally being on the cusp of finding something of relevance, but Sirius refused to let him in further. He forced himself to change it, quickly, but didn’t try hard enough to control it.

 

“ _Hey yourself,”_ Remus suddenly said in a very vivid, very intimate memory, and Sirius panicked.

 _“Can you do me a favor?”_ Sirius had replied, as part of the memory. And he could feel Snape’s interest pique, wondering why this memory was so vital. Sirius tried hard to change it. It wouldn't budge.

 _“Sure,”_ Remus had agreed, Sirius recalled it had sounded somewhat disappointed.

 _“Say it again.”_ The memory played Sirius’ voice, deep with hunger, and it sounded so foreign.

 

“No, no, no, please!” Sirius screamed, his voice drowned. He couldn’t let Snape have it. Sirius would tell the whole school himself, if he had to, but he didn’t want it to be like this. Remus deserved better than this.

 

Remus had taken a very deep breath, then. _“Say what again?”_ he’d asked, and Sirius remembered rolling off the bedpost of Remus’ frame, just as he did in the memory.

 _“You know what I mean, Moony.”_ In his mind, he watched Remus’ chest fall with anxious breath as he rose from his place on the bed.

 

“ ** _Stop_**!” Sirius shouted, and his mind finally went blank out of desperation. For a single moment, he felt relief. Until there was a silent movie reel, played out in his mind, of a little, grey rat, pressing a secret knob, on a certain tree, under a certain phase of the moon. And suddenly, Sirius was released. Back into a dark room, with a single light shining on the smug face of the man who had just invaded his mind.

“So that’s what you’re hiding. Whatever it is, it’s in the Willow. And it’s tonight.”

“No, Severus, please,” Sirius begged, his tears forging wet paths in the grey soot that covered Sirius’ face. “Whatever you want, please! Don’t do this, I’m begging you!” His voice cracked as he screamed.

“I’ll be sure to let them know that you were the one who let it slip,” Snape cackled, as he opened the door, blinding Sirius with torchlight in the hall.

“Severus! Please! **_Please_**!” Sirius howled, fighting hopelessly against the chair he was strapped into, as the door closed, and the darkness swallowed him. His screams echoed through the castle corridors.

 

It was nearly dawn before some unusually kind Slytherin came to Sirius’ aid, locked in a broom closet in the dungeons of the castle. He’d shouted his voice into oblivion, his wrists were bleeding, his eyes were swollen. But it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. He’d given up Remus. The one time it mattered, and he had betrayed him. It didn’t matter that Snape took the information from him unwillingly – he’d still gotten it in the end. No amount of apologizing or explaining could undo that.

He didn’t have to go find James to know what happened. The news found him quickly. The other students knew very little fact behind what happened, but he could piece together the truth from the circulating rumors. They knew that Snape and James had been caught on the grounds after dark, and that James had saved Snape’s life. From that, Sirius could deduce everything else – Snape had gone to the Willow, had seen Moony, and Moony would have killed him, if James hadn’t been there.

 

And all of it had been Sirius’ fault.

 

Students were also passing around the news that Remus Lupin had been carried into the castle early that morning by James and Peter, bruised and bleeding and battered within an inch of his life, and no one knew why. But Sirius knew why. The Wolf didn’t react well to people. It was the whole reason they became Animagi in the first place. The Wolf likely tore Remus apart when he wasn’t allowed to devour Snape. 

Sirius knew better than to go to the hospital wing, but he couldn’t stop himself. The moment he set foot in the room, lucky that James and Peter had just gone, he was eviscerated. The love of his life lay in the closest bed, more bandage than skin, half of them soaked in blood. What skin was visible was purple, swollen, destroyed. Sirius couldn’t see through the tears in his eyes, but Remus saw him.

“Tell me it isn’t true,” he choked out, each word sounded like it took a thousand breaths to say. “Tell me you didn’t do this, Pads. Tell me he’s lying.” Sirius held his hands behind his back, hiding his wounds.

“I did it. I told him about the Willow,” Sirius falsely admitted, in a weakened voice. He wasn’t going to tell Remus the truth. He wouldn’t tell Remus that it was Snape who blasted him with the Confundus charm, in an unsuccessful attempt to get to his secret. He wouldn’t tell him that, this time, the attempt had succeeded.

“I thought …” Remus began, tears rolling down his bruised cheeks, as Sirius fought to stop his own, knowing what Remus intended to say. _‘I thought you loved me.’_ Instead he asked, “Why?”

“I don’t know,” Sirius lied, biting hard on the inside of his lip, tasting blood.

“You don’t know?” Remus shouted, clenching his teeth in pain. For a long time, Remus closed his eyes, tears flowing from underneath tightly closed eyelids. “Get out.”

Sirius knew it would come, thought he would be strong enough to hear it. He was wrong. The tears caught up to him, racing down his reddened, filthy cheeks, catching in his aching throat. “Remus, I …”

“Stay away from me, Sirius.” Sirius raised his eyes to the ceiling as he nodded, and he left, listening to the sounds of Remus sobbing from beyond the door.

 

**_ Lily _ **

 

It wasn’t her business. It wasn’t her place. Lily knew that. But she couldn’t stop herself from getting involved. After all, she was one of the few, if not the _only_ person, who knew the truth – that Sirius and Remus were a couple, in whatever capacity. That this wasn’t just a fight between friends.

Historically, their fighting had been a rouse – a trick played on their friends and their House. Whatever this was, she knew it wasn’t a trick. She’d been standing right there when James and Peter had carried Remus’ unconscious body into the castle, she’d seen the condition he was in. It wasn’t a trick.

How Severus was involved, she didn’t know. Like everyone else, she’d heard the rumors that James had saved his life, but what from? It couldn’t be a coincidence that it happened on the night of the full moon. Ever since she worked out Remus’ lycanthropy on her own, she paid close attention to the lunar cycles. But if James _had_ saved Severus from Remus, what happened to _Remus_? Not to mention, where did Sirius fit into this? As far as she could tell, Sirius hadn’t been seen since before the full moon had even started.

Because she couldn’t help from making herself even more party to this mess, she went to the hospital wing, where she knew Remus would be, as worse for wear as he was. What she didn’t expect was that Sirius would be there. From beyond the door, she could hear the two of them talking, though not what was being said. Leaning in further, she could finally hear one, clear phrase, spoken in Remus’ choked voice.

 

_“Stay away from me, Sirius.”_

 

When Sirius walked slowly from the room, her heart felt like it was in a vice. She’d known Sirius for a long time, known them all for a long time. And she’d only ever seen Sirius shed a single tear, that late night in the Common Room, just before the summer he went to live with James. Back then, he’d looked heart-broken – they had stayed up late into the night, the two of them, because Sirius didn’t want to wake any of the Marauders. He’d told Lily how his mother had scorched his name from the Black family tree, how his younger brother had looked at him with such hate in his eyes, and a single tear had slipped down his cheek.

Now, he looked shattered, torn to shreds, and the tears dripping from his chin were unnumbered. At the sight of him, Lily couldn’t keep her own tears from falling. It was an unwelcome contrast from before, how she had never seen him so happy, because he was so blissfully in love with his best friend.

Before Sirius could walk away, Lily dragged him down the corridor, away from where Remus could hear them, and pulled Sirius’ face against her shoulder.

 

And he just _wept_. So did she.

 

They stood together for a long time, Sirius clawing at the back of her shirt, like he needed something, anything to hold onto, and she let him.

“It’s because of me, Lily,” he whispered into her hair, nearly inaudible, but for his lips next to her ear. “I did this to him.” Lily shook her head, her fiery red hair clinging to his sodden cheeks.

“I don’t believe that.” Sirius scoffed.

“You have no idea what happened.”

“It doesn’t matter,” she snapped, pulling him back to look in his face, which was almost more painful than listening to his broken sobs. “Look at you, Sirius. You’re killing yourself.”

“Because it’s my fault!” he hissed through clenched teeth. With a sigh, she placed her hands against Sirius’ face, pulling her thumbs along his cheekbones to dry his skin. It didn’t help.

“No.” Her voice was forceful, resolute, though her lips quivered with threatening tears. “It isn’t.”

“How could you think that?” His grey eyes, now dull and red, had only the night before been glowing, sparkling, in the way that he had looked at Remus underneath the candlelight.

“Because you love him.” Sirius immediately met her gaze. “More than anything.”

Sirius lips quivered, tears drowning his voice. “Take care of him, Lily. Please.”

“I promise.” With one last, shaking breath, Sirius slipped away from her, down the darkened corridor, and she desperately hoped that she wasn’t the only one who knew the truth. Sirius didn’t need to be alone.

Once Sirius had gone, Lily took a deep breath before walking into the hospital wing. The deep breath did little for her – she knew the condition Remus would be in, yet nothing could have prepared her for seeing him. Bandages wrapped his skin up to his neck, around his forehead, across his chest. Dried blood still matted the once bright curls of his hair. His eyes, still closed, swollen and purple. And saturated with tears.

“Remus.” The breath fell from her lips as she spoke his name. His eyes opened, slowly, as he tried to sniffle away the tears that were still streaming down his cheeks.

“Sorry,” he huffed, trying to bring his fingers to his face to dry it, but wincing in the process.

“Let me.” She yanked a tissue from the table next to his bed and dabbed his inflamed cheeks, while trying to think of the right thing to say. “He loves you, you know.” Immediately, Remus grit his teeth, and Lily was alarmed at the depth of rage she saw in his expression.

“Did he tell you that?” Remus spoke through clenched teeth. Lily flinched.

“He didn’t have to,” she tried to reason.

“Then how exactly would you know?” She’d never heard his tone so cold, so hollow.

“I’ve seen you together, Remus, you know I have,” she argued with a sigh. “I’ve seen you ‘ _fight’_ with him. He kisses you like –” Remus interrupted.

“A kiss does not, by any means, define love.” There were no longer tears in his eyes. He stared ahead.

“Well, no, but –” Again, Remus spoke over her, and she began to wonder if she’d ever heard him interrupt anyone since she’d known him.

“Don’t try to fix this for him. He made his choice. And it wasn’t me.” The tears finally began to creep their way back into his gaze, choking the last words he spoke.

“But Sirius di-” When his eyes met hers again, they begged.

“Please,” he said, swallowing hard as tears overfilled his eyes. “Don’t say his name.” At that moment, James and Peter came into the room, and Lily went rushing out, despite how James tried to get her to come back. This wasn’t right. None of this was right. 

 

**_ Sirius _ **

 

While James and Peter were with Remus in the hospital wing, Sirius crept up to the dorm room and gathered most of his things. It was best for everyone if he were to just stay out of the way – he’d already heard that James had been asking, in a quite angry disposition, if anyone had seen him.

Frank Longbottom had agreed to let him sleep on the floor of their dorm, as long as he didn’t bring any fights in with him. Sirius swore he wouldn’t. There would be no fight. If any of the Marauders wanted to kill him, he wasn’t going to try and stop them. He deserved to die for what he had done to Remus.

Before he left the dorm, he scribbled into Remus’ notebook, through tears falling across his cheeks. It was something he’d read in one of Remus’ books, something that played over in his mind to remind him of how little he deserved to be with someone like Remus Lupin. He had always thought it – now he had a reason.

Sometime during the evening, he heard shouting outside of Frank’s room. Sirius had stayed holed up in their dorm all day long – not in hiding from the wrath of the Marauders, but in the shame of not yet being able to face their disappointment in him. James had come to find him, and he fully expected Frank to give him up. But the shouting died down as Frank entered the room. Sirius looked up at him.

“I told him you were hiding in the Astronomy tower,” Frank said, chewing on his bottom lip. Sirius narrowed his eyes at him – why was he helping? Frank walked slowly over to where Sirius sat on the floor. “Listen, I don’t know what happened to Remus. Whatever it was, I damn well know it wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes, it was …” Sirius began to argue as Frank grabbed one of his hands, yanking hard at the long sleeves covering the fresh bruising and scarring at Sirius’ wrist. Sirius hung his head.

“Doesn’t look like anything you said was said _willingly_ ,” Frank said harshly, through clenched teeth.

“How did you …” Sirius let out a short breath. “Doesn’t matter. I should have died before …” he paused, glancing up at Frank with uncertainty in his eyes, as Frank let his hand fall.

“I don’t need to know what it is they got from you. I don’t care if you don’t want to turn in whoever did this to you. And if you don’t want me to, I won’t say anything about how someone found you tied to a chair in the Slytherin dungeons.” Frank paused, looking bluntly at Sirius, letting out a breath. “But your _friends_ deserve to know the truth. And you deserve to not kill yourself with guilt over something that you had no control over.”

“Don’t lecture me, Frank,” Sirius snapped. “I _had_ control. I could’ve let him have _anything_ else, but I was afraid. And I gave up the one thing, the one fucking thing that he wanted.”

“How did he do it?” Frank asked quietly, settling down onto the floor next to Sirius.

Sirius paused. “Legilimency,” he finally admitted, tears springing fresh into his eyes.

“Fuck,” Frank groaned, rubbing his hands over his face. “I didn’t think anyone here could do that.”

“Yeah,” was all Sirius replied, as tears spattered the carpet. Before he could say anything more, Frank grabbed Sirius by the collar and pulled him against his chest.

“I’m so sorry, Sirius,” Frank sighed, and Sirius began to sob. “I know you and Remus are … well, I know you love him.” A hitch in Sirius’ breathing gave Frank a laugh. “You look at him the way I look at Alice. The way James looks at Lily. Only James is an oblivious fuck and doesn’t see it on you.” Sirius let slip a single laugh.

“He’ll never forgive me for this. James, I mean,” he stuttered into Frank’s robes. 

“Let me tell him the truth,” Frank offered, but Sirius shook his head as he pulled away.

“It’s just an excuse. I could have tried harder. I could have …”

“Sirius, don’t be such a fucking twat,” Frank grumbled. “None of them would blame you, I can tell you right now. Especially not Remus. Because he looks at you the same way you look at him.”

Sirius took a deep breath, burying his face into his hands. “Goddammit, I _love_ him, Frank.” Sirius felt Frank’s hand on his shuddering shoulder, squeezing at his collarbone, the way Remus used to.

“Then don’t let him think that you would do this on purpose.” 

 

**_ James _ **

 

Sirius’ things were gone. James rubbed the tears from his cheeks, swallowing hard and trying to think of some rational reason why Sirius would have done this. At first, he thought it had been a lie – something Snape had said to cover up for himself. But Remus had confirmed it – said that Sirius came by and admitted it himself.

With an enraged yell, James put his fist through the wall of their dormitory. Sure, they’d had a disagreement just before the full moon, but Sirius hadn’t been mad enough to cause _this_ , had he? In the last few weeks, it had seemed like everything was back to normal. After all, even the fighting that had happened before had just been a gimmick, hadn’t it? This time, it was no trick.

After a few deep breaths, he started to gather some of Remus’ things – his actual purpose of this trip to the dormitories. He’d gotten so distracted with looking for Sirius, that he hadn’t yet done any of the things he was supposed to do. James threw a few clothes into a bag, a few books, stopping at Remus’ notebook, laid open on top of his bed. Scrawled on the page, in Sirius’ handwriting, was several lines of poetry – James even recognized the author as one of Remus’ favorites. As soon as he read it, he closed the book, and pressed his forehead to the cover. So that _was_ it, after all. That was what Lily had been trying to tell him.

Of course he’d considered it. Sirius and Remus together at the Quidditch pitch, Remus turning down Katherine Wright a hundred times, the ‘ _prank’_ that Lily made up to cover for them, because she _knew_. The way they always seemed to go missing separately (but together), the fight they invented to be left alone. It seemed blatantly obvious _now_ , but he had dismissed it then, because surely, they would have _told_ _him_.

Why had they felt the need to hide it from him, of all people? Not to mention all the lies and secrets that had piled up on top of this one. Were they afraid of how he would react? Didn’t they trust him enough to tell him the truth? Did they not _know_ him? Couldn’t they see how much he loved them both?

Bag in hand, he raced down the stairs toward the Common Room, hearing the whispers of students around him – mostly it was over topics he already knew. How he had saved Snape, wondering what it was James had saved him from, the condition of Remus, wondering how Sirius was involved in this. And then, in the middle of those whispers, he overheard the one he had somehow been ignoring all day.

“He’s the one who found Black, tied up in a cupboard in the dungeons,” the first year said in hushed tones. “Said his voice was completely gone, but he was still shouting, coming out a whisper. Blood running down his fingers from rubbing his wrists on the ropes. Who knows how long he’d been down there.”

 

The breath fell from James’ lips. That was why he missed the moon.

 

James turned, meeting the knowing gaze of Frank Longbottom, whom he’d only just shouted at moments ago, when he’d been on the way to their dormitory. Frank looked at him with tired eyes.

“Frank.” James’ voice shook. “What did they do to him?”

“It was Legilimency,” Frank said in a near-whisper, looking compellingly at James. James’ eyes grew wide for only a moment before he shoved past Frank, to find Sirius collapsed in the corner of Frank’s room. In an anger that was no longer directed at his best friend, James yanked Sirius up by the hand. The panic, and pain, in Sirius’ expression was palpable. And James’ anger suddenly directed at himself, most.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he shouted, holding Sirius’ bloody wrists between them. Sirius was silent, not meeting James’ stare, his eyes red and dull and unblinking.

“Because it’s _still_ my fault.”

“Bullshit!” James yelled, his voice strained and desperate. Letting his friend’s hand fall, he spread his fingers over Sirius’ face, turning his head back and forth. “What else did that son of a bitch do to you, Pads?”

“Nothing,” Sirius responded blankly, blinking slowly. But it was a lie. There were new wounds on Sirius’ face – scrapes across his protruding cheekbones, a lavender bruise around the corner of one eye, a cut that split his top lip on one side. And dread buried in his empty expression. James grit his teeth, glancing back at Frank.

“It’s not your fault,” James breathed out. “I know he used Legilimency. It isn’t your fault.”

“Yes, it is,” Sirius said, his voice rising slightly. “He was poking around somewhere else, and I kept him out of there, by leading him right to Moony.” James sighed, opening Remus’ notebook into Sirius’ hands.

“Kept him out of _here_?” he said softly, pushing his finger onto the tear-smudged ink of Sirius’ handwriting. Sirius bared his teeth for a moment, as if angry at himself for betraying another of Remus’ secrets, and his eyes filled with tears, falling hot onto James’ hands underneath them.

“How fucking selfish can I be, Prongs?” Sirius barked, tearing away from James and pushing the notebook back into his hands. “I could have given him _that_ ,” he spat, pointing to the pages, “and he wouldn’t have known any different! Instead, I let Moony get torn to ribbons. For what?”

“You were trying to protect him.”

“I was trying to protect myself!” Sirius screamed, picking up a lamp and throwing it against the wall. Frank flinched at the scattering ceramic pieces. James didn’t move an inch.

“I don’t believe that for a second, Pads,” he replied calmly.

“I don’t give a shit what you believe!” Sirius’ voice broke. “I let that slimy bastard into my brain, and I let him see Moony. _My_ Moony. He was so close to … and if he had seen …” Sirius rambled. James interrupted.

“If he had seen you together,” James began, watching Sirius closely, as Sirius went frighteningly still.

“They would take him away from me, James.” Finally, he looked over at James, the terror and the heartbreak in his eyes dissolving all else. Instantly, James closed the gap, pulling Sirius into his arms. “But this … this is so much worse than that,” Sirius sobbed, shaking, closing his fists around the fabric of James’ shirt.

“Nobody’s going to take him away, Pads. I promise you.” James buried his fingers into Sirius’ hair.

“Everyone is going to find out about the Wolf,” Sirius whispered. “They’ll expel him from Hogwarts.”

“Who, Dumbledore? Who do you think planted the Willow?” James spoke softly, letting out a cautious laugh. “I’ve already spoken to him. He’s going to make sure none of this gets out. Moony’s safe here.” Sirius let out a long breath, pushing James away from him, shaking his head violently.

“He’s not safe with _me_.”

“Sirius,” Frank interjected. Sirius reached out and ripped Remus’ notebook from James’ hands.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve let him down, _either_ of you,” Sirius’ voice trembled, he clutched the notebook against his chest, like he was trying to take back every word he’d written.

“Whatever it is, just –”

“James, don’t say a word of this to Remus,” Sirius commanded in an empty voice, opening the notebook and tearing out a single page. For the first time, there was surprise in James’ expression.

“Padfoot, don’t be ridiculous.” Sirius carefully folded the paper and slid it into his back pocket.

“Swear it to me.” Sirius met James’ gaze with piercing steel eyes, as cold as their color, and just as lifeless. James shook his head, without a thought.

“No. I won’t.”

“If you care about me at all,” Sirius snapped. “You’ll let Remus hate me. I _need_ him to.” His voice quivered, his lip trembled, but he bit down on it to cover it up. When James finally risked a glance in Frank’s direction, Frank gave him a furtive wink just before rubbing his eyes to cover it up.

“Fine,” James tentatively agreed. “I won’t say anything to Moony.” Frank nodded slowly.

  

**_ Frank _ **

 

It was very early morning (or late night, depending on perspective) before Frank heard the sounds of Sirius’ troubled breathing finally calm, finally giving Frank the impression that Sirius had drifted to sleep. It was lucky that Frank hadn’t fallen asleep himself – he and Sirius had been up most of the night trading stories of anything, _anything_ to keep Sirius sane. Despite how much it hurt him to talk about, Sirius couldn’t keep Remus out of the conversation. Frank could at last see the light in Sirius’ eyes when he spoke about Remus, the same light that Frank had been noticing more and more frequently in the recent months.

Once he was sure Sirius was asleep, he crept silently to his pallet of blankets on the floor, reaching carefully into Sirius’ back pocket. The folded paper slipped out effortlessly. Sirius never woke.

Frank didn’t know what was on the paper. He didn’t need to know. All that mattered was that it proved how desperately Sirius was in love with Remus. All that mattered was that Remus knew that.

With his breath held, Frank crept through the castle, ducking into corners every time he saw Mrs. Norris, every time he saw the lamp light that meant Filch was heading down the corridor. No matter what it took, he was going to deliver this note to Remus. For Sirius. Hell, for _himself_. Frank couldn’t let Remus continue hating Sirius over something that wasn’t even true.

Finally at the hospital wing, Frank leaned against the door for a moment, catching the breath that he’d been trying, rather unsuccessfully, to hold the whole way there. He slipped into the room, pressed the paper delicately into the bruised hand of Remus Lupin, who looked worse than Frank had heard. He wondered if Sirius had seen him this way. But, of course he had – Frank had seen the result of his seeing it, from Sirius himself.

Safely back behind the portrait of the Fat Lady, Frank breathed a sigh of relief. Only to see Alice, standing there with as much shock on her face as there was on his. The girl he had always loved from afar was standing there, at well past four in the morning, looking at him like he always imagined.

And he wasn’t going to end up like Sirius, torturing himself by hoping that there was someone better for her, someone stronger, someone braver. No, he would _become_ stronger, he would _become_ braver. He would do anything in the world to keep her. He would not end up like Sirius.

So, he took a single step, scooped Alice into his arms and kissed her – softly, at first, and then full and deep and whole. He kissed her with every awkward glance, every hopeful thought.

“Alice, I’m in love with you,” he said, breathless and nervous as he pulled away. In response, she blinked slowly at him, as if working to process the last few moments, before a quiet smile brushed over her kissed lips.

“Well, why did it take you so long to say so?” she asked, and her quiet smile remained, one that he would do anything in the world to keep.

 

**_ James _ **

 

Remus had been in and out of sleep all day. Which was both good and bad. Granted, he needed the rest, but the longer he went without reading the note that Frank had tucked into his fingers the night before, the more James thought that Sirius might fling himself from the Astronomy tower.

James hadn’t told Remus the contents of the paper, the first time Remus had noticed it. Just mentioned that it was something he found with Remus’ things and it seemed important. Peter had been abridged of the situation, and James was surprised to find out that Peter had recently developed a quiet suspicion, waiting for them to come out with it in their own time. He and James had been periodically taking shifts – one with Sirius, while the other was with Remus. Frank was bridging the gaps as best he could, but something had happened between he and Alice the night before, and his mind was on other things. James’ couldn’t blame him.

They convinced Sirius to move back to their dorm, but he was absent. He spoke very little. Ate very little. Moved very little. Didn’t even smoke. James had never seen him so utterly broken, including when Sirius’ parents had kicked him out. That hadn’t been anywhere as bad as this. Repeatedly, James tried to convince him to go and talk to Remus, and consistently, Sirius refused.

“Tell me the truth about the Confundus charm,” James finally said, the last point in a long barrage of questions and statements – some on the topic of Remus, some on trivial topics, some that were only words strung together. James hung his legs off the end of Remus’ bed, where Sirius had been camped all night, sitting on the floor, staring at it, as if Remus would reappear in it. When James spoke, Sirius didn’t look up.

“You should know by now who it was,” he sniffled.

“I thought it was _him_. But I also thought you would’ve told us if it had been him.”

“I couldn’t,” Sirius snapped. “Snivellus only went after me because I was having that stupid fake fight with Remus. He thought I’d talk. To get back at Moony.” Sirius let out a slow breath, trying to keep himself from breaking down. James could see the weight of it all around him. “It all seems so fucking pointless now, because he got what he wanted. But I _had_ to pretend it was an accident.”

“We all _knew_ it wasn’t an accident, Sirius!” James nearly shouted. “You woke up screaming in the middle of the night, we were all pretty fucking sure somebody had done something to fuck you up.”

“What did you want me to say, James?” Sirius shouted back. “That Remus was in trouble because of some fucking _game_ that I was playing?” James let out a loud groan.

“It doesn’t matter!” James’ voice cracked. “I could’ve helped you go after him!”

 “I’m the one who got Moony into this! I had to do it myself.” Sirius curled into himself, hiding the guilt on his face, but James wasn’t done with this fight.

“To what? Get _yourself_ killed instead?” James bellowed, and Sirius’ grip on his legs shattered as he slammed his palms down onto the floorboards, his whole body shaking from the impact.

“Have you not figured out what I’d do to protect him?” he screamed, his voice choked and empty. The sound pierced James’ chest, and he couldn’t keep up his will to fight anymore.

“We could have _helped_ you,” James said in a whisper.

“I never should have hid it from you,” Sirius groaned, putting his face in his hands. “But I was so afraid of telling Remus the truth, which meant I couldn’t tell _you,_ either.” James looked carefully at him.

“Where were you? While you were missing that day?” Sirius’ grey eyes went dark, he closed them quickly, and James wondered if he was trying to remember or trying to forget.

Sirius took a shaking breath. “In the equipment shed on the pitch.”

“Jesus, Padfoot,” James hissed. “All day?” Sirius nodded, swallowing hard.

“I was out for most of it.” James closed his eyes tightly, the thought of Sirius lying unconscious for most of a day in a bed of dirt, alone and terrified, was enough to make him see red.

“Remus still doesn’t know?” James asked. Sirius shook his head.

“He thought it was because of _us_ ,” he paused, glancing nervously at James. “Because I’m gay.”

“Which you _also_ should’ve told me, Sirius,” James sighed, shoulder slumping.

Sirius looked over at him, grey eyes filled with something James couldn’t define. “I was afraid of you, too.” For a moment, James was dazed. “Afraid of losing you.” James balled his fists tightly.

“What did you think? That I’d disown you? Like your fucking pureblood parents?” James growled.

“How the hell was I supposed to know?” Sirius shot back, his voice thick. “People get killed for things like this, Prongs. And, yeah, I was pretty sure you’d be fine with it, because you’re _you_ , but I couldn’t fucking risk it. Not for Moony.” James’ exterior softened, and he walked over to where Sirius sat on the floor.

“You idiot,” James huffed, kneeling and holding Sirius’ face in his hands. “Nothing you could do – either of you – could ever change the way I feel about you. You two are my best mates. You’re my family.”

“I know that. I _know_ ,” Sirius nodded, pressing his face against James’ palms.

“I’m bloody delighted about this, actually,” James grinned. “My two best friends have found love, and it’s with each other. It’s adorable.” He smiled, and for a moment, Sirius did, too. Then, James watched the light go out in Sirius’ eyes, and James’ chest began to ache. “Why do you need him to hate you?”

Finally, Sirius spoke. “I don’t deserve him. I never have, and I never will.”

“You’re so full of shit, Sirius,” James scoffed, his tone irritated. “Do you want to know the truth? I knew Lily was hiding something that day on the pitch. Why would we have been spying on you, if _she_ had put you up to it? I knew that.” Sirius started to speak, but James continued. “But that meant we really _were_ spying on you. Which you knew, at some point, since I didn’t really find out about the two of you until yesterday.”

“What’s your point?” Sirius huffed impatiently.

“You knew we were there, and you still pinned Remus to the ground in the middle of the pitch.” Sirius’ face bloomed a pale shade of red. “You were trying to _show_ me. Right?”

Sirius nodded slightly. “Yeah.”

“God, I should have been able to figure it out,” James laughed. “Because in the entire time I’ve known Remus – Sirius, are you listening? The entire fucking time I’ve known Remus John Lupin, I have never seen him smile at anyone, at _anything_ , the way he smiles at you.”

Sirius went solemn, his face contorting as he tried, and failed, to prevent tears from rolling down his cheeks. “It doesn’t matter now.” Quickly, James pressed Sirius’ face between his hands.

“It matters now more than ever.” James stared unwaveringly into Sirius’ glossed eyes. “Because while you’re in here, pretending to be the fucking hero, acting like you’re doing what’s best for him, Moony is in there, feeling like his heart has been ripped out of his bloody chest. What you’re doing to him _now_ is a thousand times worse than what you _think_ you did to him the night of the moon.”

Sirius broke, burying his face into James’ shoulder. “What if he doesn’t forgive me?”

James balked. “Are we talking about the same Remus Lupin?” Sirius laughed for the first time in days.

 

Lily was there, when James walked out of the room, her eyes knowing as she watched him. There was so much she wouldn’t understand, so much they had kept from her. But she was Remus’ friend, just as they were. She deserved to know some of what happened. He tilted his head vaguely toward the portrait hole and she nodded, giving him a little time to walk out before she followed him.

James went quite a way from the Common Room before he turned back to her. “How much do you know?” he asked, leaning against the wall behind him, not wanting to divulge any of Remus’ secrets.

She eyed him carefully. “How much do _you_ know?” she asked warily. James smiled softly.

“Sirius is in love with Moony,” he said quickly, fairly certain that this was the one thing that Lily _did_ know, the thing she had been trying to show him for the last several weeks. She let out a short breath, her shoulder dropping as the tension released from them.

“That I know,” she sighed. “And in case _you_ don’t know, Remus feels the same.”

James nodded. “I figured. You covered for them that day, didn’t you? At the pitch?” Lowering her head, she nodded. “But how did you know before I did?” Almost instantly, a blush swelled across Lily’s cheeks, and she brushed the bright red hair from her shoulders to distract from it.

“I saw it. _Firsthand_ ,” she emphasized, raising her eyebrows as she looked at him. He stifled a laugh.

“That’s a story I’d really like to hear,” he chuckled, but Lily’s expression went solemn as she leaned in.

“Does what happened last night have to do with his lycanthropy?” Lily whispered. James went still.

“I don’t know wh-” James started, and Lily interrupted.

“He gets ‘sick’ once a month, he’s always got new scars, you call him _Moony_ , for Godric’s sake,” she rambled, as if irritated that he would think she wouldn’t have known. “I haven’t told anyone, if that’s what you’re worried about.” A soft smile covered James’ lips as he looked at her over the tops of his glasses.

“I’m actually sort of glad you know.” He breathed a sigh of relief, noticing the pink in her cheeks brighten for a moment. “The Wolf doesn’t …” He glanced around, unsure how to phrase it. “He doesn’t like people. Snape found out about it and … well, the Wolf tore himself to pieces, and Remus inside him, trying to get to Snape. It was all I could do to get Snape away.”

“So it’s true, then. You saved Severus.” James flinched at the sound of Lily speaking of him so amicably, knowing their history, their past friendship. Did she even know the kind of person he _truly_ was? Granted, she knew he was a Death Eater, she knew he would stoop low enough to have called her a Mudblood in their fifth year. But this? How would she feel after knowing that Snape had used Legilimency to invade Sirius’ _mind_? How would she feel knowing Snape had kept Sirius hostage, that he had more or less _tortured_ him?

“If he wasn’t such a fucking prick, I wouldn’t have had to save him,” James gritted his teeth, trying to keep the details to himself. Lily didn’t deserve to hear what he’d done – she didn’t deserve to know that her once-friend had corrupted himself into such a despicable person.

“Did Sirius _tell_ him?” she asked, and James cursed her ability to read situations so well.

He paused for a moment, aware that his expression was pained, but unable to change it. “No. He didn’t.” Her eyebrows furrowed, her head tilted to one side.

“Then how did …” she began, and James was about to go into a full cover-up about how it didn’t matter how Snape found out, the important part was that Sirius hadn’t betrayed Remus, and they already had a plan in motion to get them back together. But then, Lily was speaking again, her green eyes lit with a very clear understanding. “What did he _do_?”

“It doesn’t matter how he –” he began, and Lily cut him off.

“What did Snape _do_ to him?” she growled, her pink lips snarling. “Was it veritaserum?”

James shook his head, letting out a breath. “Legilimency.” He paused, as she took in a breath through clenched teeth, and wondered if he should tell her everything. “He’s also the one who hit Sirius with the Confundus charm a couple weeks ago. Had him locked in the fucking equipment shed all day.” Lily’s mouth hung open for just a second, before she slowly brought her jaw up – her whole face shook as it closed.

“That slimy son of a bitch.” Lily breathed out fire, and James rose a single eyebrow – he’d never seen her in such a riled state. Sure, she had always had the fiery personality to match her hair, but she’d never been this undone. She was breathing _smoke_. James pretended that he wasn’t pleased by it.

“Anyway, that’s not what matters now,” James waved off, using the motion to try to work off the steam he felt building around his face. “Just wanted you to know, since, well, you seemed invested.”

He began to turn, began to walk off back to the hospital wing to check on Remus, but Lily caught his forearm, her face toward the floor and red hair enveloping her expression.

“Do you want to know how I found out about Remus and Sirius?” she asked, her fingers delicately tracing down, circling the bones of his wrist. He swallowed hard.

“H-How?” he asked, more interested in her skin against his than he was about the answer.

“It was at the party you threw. I was in the room with them when they were fighting. Only they _weren’t_ fighting.” Her thumb brushed into his palm, and a shudder moved up his spine. Her hair still cascaded down over her face, as she was devotedly keeping her eyes drawn to the floor.

“What – what were they doing?” he asked, knowing the answer fully, and Lily didn’t answer anyway.

“I was in the room for the couple before them, too,” she said, her voice shaking, as she finally looked up at him, her emerald eyes swirling behind her deep, red hair, underneath her peppered freckles. His eyes widened as he recalled that night, and who had gone into the room before Remus and Sirius. “It was you. And Mary MacDonald.” The pace of James’ heartbeat spiked, and it had been frighteningly high enough as it was, with Lily’s fingers dancing lightly against his skin.

“You heard …” he began to ask, though it was obvious she had. More importantly, he was growing to realize that very shortly after she heard his profession of love for her, she had instantly come to work out an arrangement in which the two of them would spend a great deal of time together. Alone, for most of it.

“I heard you tell her that you’re in love with me, James,” she said, her voice catching, but her fingers wandering up his arm, and he began to wonder if she’d ever called him by his first name before. “Is it true?”

“Yes,” he breathed out, without a pause, holding her gaze strongly as his chest heaved. “I’m in love with you, Lily. Have been for a long time.” Just as he began to ask her how that made her feel in return, she closed the gap between them, nervously pressing a kiss against his lips, and pulling back just as quickly. Shocked, James stood still, blinking slowly at her. Her expression grew almost worried.

“Well, say something, Potter, I –” but James was kissing her again, slipping one hand to her neck, the other rounding her waist. He fell back against the wall behind him, holding her closer.

“I liked it better when you called me James,” he breathed into her skin as his lips traveled across her face, and she turned her head, to give him the space of her neck. He took it.

“I can tell,” she laughed, and his grip on her tightened.

  

**_ Remus _ **

 

The only real time that Remus was, in some way, grateful for his lycanthropy was the first time he realized that it made his wounds heal faster than normal. Not all wounds – usually trivial things. Definitely not the wound that Sirius Black had caused him. But his bruising was subsiding quickly – all the purple and blue had begun to fade into a less alarming, but equally as nauseating yellow and green.

Still, the healing took a lot of energy – he’d been asleep for most of three days, waking only to turn, only to let Pomfrey change his bandages, only to speak to James and Peter. Only to remember not to ask where Sirius was. Only to feel like every brick in the castle laid over his chest when he remembered _why_ he wasn’t asking where Sirius was. It hurt even more to admit to himself that he still thought about asking.

He welcomed the sleep. At least in sleep, he could forget. He could be happy with a Sirius who hadn’t betrayed him, he could remember what it was like when he thought they were in love.

It wasn’t as if he didn’t wonder – where Sirius was, why he had done this, whether he was upset at all over how badly he had hurt Remus, physically and emotionally. But he wouldn’t allow himself to be weak enough to ask. James and Peter both danced around the topic of Sirius – nobody had mentioned his name to Remus at all, not since Remus first heard that this whole thing had been Sirius’ fault.

Once James and Peter left for the night, Remus remembered the odd note that had been folded into his hand the night before. He hadn’t had a chance to read it, and James had been very vague over what exactly it was. Pomfrey had already extinguished all the lights in the hospital wing, but the full moon had only been two nights prior – the moon still had plenty of light left, and it shone unfiltered through Remus’ window.

As soon as he recognized Sirius’ handwriting on the paper, Remus nearly shred it immediately, gritting his teeth so hard he feared he might’ve chipped one of them. But the words caught his attention.

                                                                                          

 _“Because I liked you better_  
_Than suits a man to say,_  
_It irked you, and I promised_  
_To throw the thought away._  
  
_To put the world between us_  
_We parted, stiff and dry;_  
_`Good-bye,' said you, `forget me.'_  
_`I will, no fear', said I._  
  
_If here, where clover whitens_  
_The dead man's knoll, you pass,_  
_And no tall flower to meet you_  
_Starts in the trefoiled grass,_  
  
_Halt by the headstone naming_  
_The heart no longer stirred,_  
_And say the lad that loved you_  
_Was one that kept his word.”_

 

Stubbornly fighting the tears from falling across his cheeks, Remus didn’t fail to notice the dried splashes of saline that decorated the paper. Nor the fact that Sirius had memorized the words to a poem that Remus loved, but surely never remembered mentioning to Sirius. In the bottom corner of the page, an additional stanza was scribbled, lines from a similar poem, by the same author.

 

 _“But if you come to a road where danger_  
_Or guilt or anguish or shame's to share,_  
_Be good to the lad that loves you true_  
_And the soul that was born to die for you,_  
_And whistle and I'll be there.”_

Tears flowed unrestricted as Remus buried his face in the paper, crumpling under the weight of his shaking hands. When Sirius had come in that first morning, he was wrecked with guilt. Remus had never seen him look so ashen, so empty. The dark circles under Sirius’ eyes had been like tar – thick and black and deep and consuming – and his voice had been hollow, like he had shouted it to shreds. And none of it _matched_ his deed.

It wasn’t only the emotion on his face that had seemed wrong. Sirius had been filthy when he came in, covered in soot from head to toe, the only visible skin from the lines tears had made down his cheeks. Remus hadn’t seen it then – he hadn’t wanted to see it. He had been so angry at Sirius that he didn’t care what Sirius had to say, with words or otherwise, beyond admitting his responsibility.

Thinking back, he began to remember the way that Sirius kept his hands behind his back. At the time, Remus had attributed it to his guilt, but what could Sirius possibly need to hide, if he’d already admitted to the worst? As the thought adhered, he began to remember the last time Sirius had been hiding things from him, just after he’d been caught by a Confundus charm, and had been beaten half to death.  

Was that related to this? Was this another time that Sirius was trying to hide the truth? To protect Remus from it? If Sirius really had done what he had _said_ he had done, as easily as he made it sound, why would be have looked so tormented by it? How could someone who obviously loved him as much as Sirius did, have done what he did? With a sharp breath of realization, Remus sat up, staring blankly into the darkness.

 

Because he _didn’t_.

 

No matter how it had happened, Remus knew – Sirius _wouldn’t have_ betrayed him. Unsure of the circumstances, and unsure of why Sirius would willingly take the blame, but unwaveringly sure of Sirius’ devotion, Remus agonizingly pulled himself from the hospital bed. He stumbled onto the cold brick floor, which seemed to sway underneath his trembling legs. His bruised body could barely even hold his own weight – there was no way he was going to make it to the Gryffindor Common Room, let alone find out where Sirius was hiding. But he had try. He had already lost too much time.

Determined, he grabbed an abandoned crutch that had been leaning against the wall and hobbled down the corridor. It didn’t matter that every inch of his skin was on fire, it didn’t matter that it felt like he was walking on at least one broken bone. All that mattered was Sirius Black.

Remus took one more step – one step too many. The foot of the crutch landed in the smallest of puddles – a leak from between the bricks in the ceiling above – and Remus went sliding toward the floor. He braced for the impact, the cracking of bones, the scraping of skin. It never came.

He looked at the hands that caught him. These were the hands he knew, but not in the way he knew them. What should have been soft, pale hands with powdery light freckles were blistering, raw. Fingernails red around every edge, wrists skinned down to pulp. Once powerful and sure, now trembling and full of doubt.

 Now, there was a new kind of pain. A pain that dulled everything else. This pain came in the form of reddened silver eyes spent nights without sleep, matted black hair from guilt-laden fingers ripping and tearing, and lips that should have been kissed that were black and blue from biting down. It was then that Remus could see the scars on Sirius’ cheeks, the bruising on his face, the anguish in his once sparkling eyes.

“Sirius.” Remus’ eyes watered as he balled a fist into the other boy’s shirt. This was what he had kept from him. The marks on his skin were the reason he hadn’t been there, during the full moon. 

 

Suddenly, all pain – new and old – faded away.

 

“Moony,” Sirius sighed, with nearly a smile, as he pressed Remus to his heart.

 

**_ Sirius _ **

 

It would only make everything worse. It would only make his pain worse. Yet, it didn’t matter what logical argument he used to try to convince himself not to go, Sirius needed to see him. An easy enough thing, to promise to stay away from the person he loved; another thing entirely to abide by his promise.

The whole way there, he struggled with himself. More than once, he turned back, or stopped to sob against the castle walls, or be sick all over the bricked floors. Nothing was going to stop him – he had to see Remus one last time. In the morning, he would leave Hogwarts. He couldn’t stay, not after what he had done. James wouldn’t understand, but he didn’t need to. Sirius couldn’t imagine spending another day in the castle where he fell in love with his best friend, and then unceremoniously fucked it all to bits.

He couldn’t imagine passing that corridor where Remus had kissed him for the first time, or the classroom where they had shared a little more than extra lessons, or the Gryffindor Common Room where he had first secretly held Remus’ hand. He couldn’t imagine seeing Remus’ face, day after day, knowing he could never have him, never love him, never hold him. There was nothing in the world more excruciating than that.

As he walked unsteadily down the hall toward the hospital wing, he heard it – labored breathing, painful groaning, soft steps of bare feet on cold brick. His heart in his throat, he turned the corner as Remus, who was right in front of him, went slipping toward the ground. Sirius immediately braced him, holding him by his bandaged ribs, letting his eyes scour over the thick bandages covering his waist, wrapped over one shoulder.

For a moment, Remus was dazed, looking at Sirius’ hands and letting his fingers trace over the bruises at Sirius’ wrist. His eyes followed up to Sirius’ face, going dark as they swept over his features.

“Sirius.” Tears flooded Remus’ eyes, his fingers buried in the folds of Sirius’ shirt. With Remus in his arms, Sirius almost forgot all context. He allowed himself to get lost in the warm amber glow of Remus’ eyes, in the soft laugh lines above Remus’ cheeks, at the winding scars layered over the bridge of his nose.

In this state, Sirius let himself smile, if only slightly. “Moony,” he breathed, relief seeping from every pore of his skin. His arms tensed without his saying so, and he held Remus to his chest, burying his lips into Remus’ hair, and drinking in the scent of him. Cedar and cigarette smoke and herbal antiseptic.

“I’m so sorry, Padfoot,” Remus’ voice suddenly trembled and Sirius broke from his daydream. In surprise, his back stiffened and he pulled Remus to his feet, tearing his hands away.

“I shouldn’t … I should go,” he stammered, but Remus gripped onto his arm, hard, and pulled him back, sliding his fingers into Sirius’ hair and pressing Sirius’ cheek against his shoulder.

“I don’t know how, but he _took_ it from you,” Remus said quickly. “He tried before, with the Confundus charm, didn’t he?” Sirius was silent, so Remus continued. “Sirius, you didn’t do this. He _tortured_ you for it.”

Sirius took in a shuddering breath, tears pooling on Remus’ bare skin. “But I still let him have it.”

“This isn’t your fault.”

“He was in my mind, Moony. And he was seeing you the way I see you. The way _only_ I can see you. And I couldn’t let him have it. I couldn’t let him _have_ _you_ like I do.”

“It isn’t your fault,” Remus repeated.

“But then I let him have you anyway,” Sirius growled through grinding teeth, spreading his hands over the bandages that stretched across Remus’ back. “I let him hurt you. I let him _do_ this to you.”

“Sirius, listen to me. This. _Isn’t_. Your fault,” Remus insisted.

“But I …” Sirius was interrupted as Remus turned and covered Sirius’ lips with his own. And Sirius couldn’t help but hungrily reply, desperate for the warmth that he had so feverishly missed. Gently, he pressed Remus against the wall, ghosting his hands over every inch of skin that was bruised because of him.

“God, I missed you so much,” Remus mumbled between each kiss.

“Moony, I’m in love with you,” Sirius breathed out quickly, returning his lips to Remus’ with every break in his words. “I’ve loved you for such a long time. Before I was attracted to you, before I straddled you in bed that day, before any of this. Before I even knew it myself. I’m …” he paused, swallowing hard and looking Remus in the eye and holding his face in his hands. “I’m _so_ in love with you, Moony.” Remus was silent, his eyes scattering over Sirius’ face, his fingers still balled up in the cloth of Sirius’ shirt.

“Damn you, Sirius Black,” he finally let out a quiet laugh, as Sirius held his breath. “I was supposed to say it first.” Sirius sighed in relief, a grin finally washing over his face for a split second, before he excitedly began peppering Remus’ injured face in delicate kisses.

“I figured the proposal _was_ you saying it first,” Sirius breathed out, and Remus’ breath caught.

“I didn’t think you remembered,” Remus laughed, blushing. “We were both very drunk.”

Sirius pulled back, pressing his forehead to Remus’. “Drunk or not, how the hell could I possibly forget the man I love telling me that he wants to marry me?” Remus closed his eyes, sighing.

“The man you _love_ ,” he breathed in the words for a moment before retuning his gaze to Sirius. “Say it again.” Remus grinned knowingly, and Sirius mirrored his expression, before burying his face in Remus’ neck, keeping to skin that wasn’t wrapped in bandages, though far between.

“I love you, I love you. Gods, I love you,” Sirius sang, spreading his kisses down Remus’ throat.

“James knows, doesn’t he? He’s the one who gave me this?” Remus asked, producing the poetry that Sirius had written. Both his brows rose in surprise, just before Sirius nodded.

“That’s where that went,” he huffed, the smile still on his face. “I’m pretty sure Longbottom had something to do with it. So, they both know. Evidently, Frank’s known for some time now.” Sirius eyed Remus, waiting for a reaction, but a calm, amused smile spread over Remus’ face.

“We’re not as cunning as we think,” Remus laughed softly.

“I guess all that’s left is to let Pete in on the secret.” Remus rose a mischievous eyebrow.

“I’ve got a better idea.”

 

**_ Remus _ **

 

The dawn came before Sirius returned to the Gryffindor dormitories. They had spent the night lying together in Remus’ hospital bed, cramped as it was, laughing and confessing and apologizing and kissing. Remus brushed away the long, dark hair at the old cut on Sirius’ temple, fading from the aftermath of the Confundus charm he’d been hit with – an incident that Remus now knew had everything to do with the events of the night of the full moon. With Sirius in his arms, Remus recited the words of a happier poem into his ear, as Sirius eyes grew heavier and heavier, pressing kisses and whispering.

_“I lay me down and slumber_  
 _And every morn revive._  
 _Whose is the night-long breathing_  
 _That keeps a man alive?_  
  
_When I was off to dreamland_  
 _And left my limbs forgot,_  
 _Who stayed at home to mind them,_  
 _And breathed when I did not?_  
  
_I waste my time in talking,_  
 _No heed at all takes he,_  
 _My kind and foolish comrade_  
 _That breathes all night for me.”_

 

But the morning still came, no matter how Remus tried to delay it, and Sirius still had to go, just as the light began to fill the room. It wasn’t long before Pomfrey came into the room, and Remus struck a bargain.

The Great Hall seemed fuller than it had ever been. If it had been for anything else, Remus would have been nervous. He caught sight of Sirius, sitting on the end of the Gryffindor table, and Sirius slipped the cigarette that was balanced atop his ear into his lips, lighting it without yet attracting the attention of McGonagall. When he noticed Remus, he winked at him, and it was almost like they had never been together at all – Remus’ chest still ached with the weight of his familiar boyhood crush. As he began to walk toward Sirius, Remus glanced over to see Snape, gliding arrogantly over to the Slytherin table. There were already whispers in the room, and it suddenly felt like Remus could hear every, single one.

 

“Godric, would you look at Lupin? He looks like he lost a fight with the Whomping Willow.”

 

“I heard Sirius paid him back for the black eye he gave him last month.”

 

“Do you think it has something to do with Snape and Potter? It all happened the same night!”

 

Every footfall ached as Remus slowly, painfully made his way over to Slytherin’s table, where Snape had surrounded himself by a circle of green. His expression was haughty, like he was telling them some twisted version of events where James had been a whimpering coward and Snape had saved them both.

When Snape’s eye caught sight of Remus, his skin immediately went sallow – more than usual. Remus hadn’t seen him since the full moon, but he remembered the terror on Snape’s face when he had seen the Wolf that night. It was much the same, as if Snape were afraid that Remus would turn right then and there.

The look on Remus’ face must have been chilling, because the hoard of Slytherins opened up, practically pushing Snape in Remus’ direction. Just as Snape began to open his mouth, likely to try to worm his way out of it, Remus reared back with every ounce of strength he had left and planted his wrathful fist into the jaw of Severus Snape. Snape went face first into the hard brick, out cold before he even reached it.  

The Slytherins panicked – some trying to get out of Remus’ way, some of them trying to get at Remus for payback. The entire Gryffindor table stood (and some from the tables between), ready to come to blows with Slytherin once and for all, and Slytherin, for the most part, backed down. The professors were still trying to sort out what had happened, as Remus walked calmly back to the Gryffindor table.

As he got to the end of the table, he was getting stares from everyone. Rumors had been flying all month about how badly he and Sirius had fought, how Remus had given Sirius the black eye, but they were shocked to see ‘ _truth’_ in action. None more so than Sirius. His mouth hung open, the lit cigarette that had been between his teeth barely dangling from his bottom lip.

With a winning smile, Remus took Sirius’ cigarette between his forefinger and thumb, taking a long, deep drag on it. Every eye at the Gryffindor table continued to widen silently. And when his lungs were sufficiently filled with smoke, he gripped Sirius hard by the back of the neck, his fingers knotted through Sirius’ dark hair, and pushed his mouth into Sirius’, kissing him as indecently as he ever had.

Gasps erupted from all over the Great Hall, as Remus slipped his tongue between Sirius’ teeth and pulled Sirius forward by his legs, from where he sat at the edge of the table, to press further into his hips. With his fingers balled into a fist at the back of Remus’ sweater, Sirius let out a tiny, satisfied moan without letting his lips part from Remus, as the whispers in the room exploded into shouting, whistling, _cheering_ – some of victory (James), others of satisfaction (Lily), others of validation (Peter).

“Mr. Lupin! With me!” Remus heard McGonagall call, and Remus, opened one eye to look at her, deepening his kiss with Sirius for just a moment. She blushed furiously as she rushed past them, but Remus was almost sure she was just as furiously trying to hide the smile behind her puckered lips.

 

When Remus pulled away, a very flushed Sirius leaned back, his eyes fluttering closed, and let out a full, sated, _explicit_ breath. It was all smoke. Remus pulled his bottom lip into his teeth, giving Sirius an overly filthy expression before popping the cigarette back into Sirius’ lips, letting his fingers trail all the way from Sirius’ lips, down his chest and _beyond_ , before following McGonagall out.

 

The noise in the Great Hall was deafening. Remus Lupin walked out with a triumphant smile. 

 

**_ Sirius _ **

 

“And it looks like you’re beating Sirius to a bloody pulp, so I start to rush over,” Lily had the attention of everyone in the room, whether they were part of the conversation or not. “Only to find that you’re _snogging_ him within an inch of his life!” Their circle erupted in laughter, and Sirius glanced over at Remus, waiting for a splash of color to spread across his face, but there was none. He looked quite pleased, in fact, as he stole the cigarette from Sirius’ lips, as he’d been doing more and more often lately. As Remus breathed in, he watched Sirius along the end of the red ash, and Sirius was elated to meet his gaze without having to pretend not to.

“Be glad you weren’t there,” Lily continued under her breath to James, “because some of the things they did were … the word obscene sounds too tame.” As she was leaned in, James took his opportunity to steal a kiss from her lips, and she puckered his face with her fingers, all with a smile.

“Oh, it was nothing compared to what came after,” Sirius smiled calmly, and Lily’s mouth clamped shut quickly, her eyes laughing. James looked back and forth between Remus and Sirius for a long while, likely piecing together every tiny thing that either of them had ever used to mislead him.

“Merlin, _that’s_ why I didn’t hear you come in after the party. The mystery date, the cigarette smoke, the matching hickeys. _You_ were in _his_ bed that night!” he shouted, pointing from Sirius to Remus. For a moment, he concentrated on that thought and then groaned with realization, rubbing one hand over his face, under his glasses. “Please tell me I didn’t … _interrupt_ anything.” Sirius laughed loudly, eyeing Remus.

“Lucky for you, you _came_ after we already had,” Sirius grinned lasciviously and the whole circle, Remus included, groaned. Lily threw a pillow in his direction, which he dodged effortlessly.

“It’s why you turned down Katherine Wright. I fucking knew it!” James shouted, banging his fist down onto the carpeted floor underneath where he sat, rattling his teacup that was resting nearby.

“Oh, piss off, you did _not_ ,” Sirius groaned, a little irritated about Katherine Wright being brought back into their conversations. “Pete, maybe. But not you.” Peter beamed, looking proud, and Sirius clapped him on the shoulder, briefly amazed that Peter had managed to keep that theory to himself all this time.

“I _thought_ it,” James grumbled. “Anyway, I’m still peeved that you kept it from me. You two made me sick with all your fake fighting!” James griped loudly, but Lily’s fingers found their way into his hand between them and his expression instantly softened. Sirius laughed.

“I’m sorry, mate!” Sirius cried, puffing smoke into James’ face, just before he turned his gaze back to Remus. “But it was far too much fun watching Moony come _undone_ in public.” Sirius winked.

Lily groaned at his love of innuendo. “Honestly, Remus, I don’t know _what_ you see in him,” she grumbled playfully, behind a smile she couldn’t conceal, and Sirius scrunched his face in her direction.

“Oh, what’s not to like!” James exclaimed, taking Sirius by the chin and waggling his face, only letting him go so that Sirius could light another cigarette. “He’s handsome, he’s brilliant, he’s loyal …”

Remus spoke for the first time, his lips mumbled as the cigarette bobbed between them, but his words quite clear enough for the entire Common Room to hear. “Plus, he gives fucking _fantastic_ head.”

 

Sirius choked on his smoke.

 

Peter looked like his eyes were about to leap from his face.

 

Lily shouted, her skin a bright pink. “Remus!”

 

James laughed so hard that he spilled tea all over the rug.

 

No hint of a blush ever even crossed over Remus’ cheeks. Instead, he coolly set his cigarette down in time for Sirius to tackle him back into the carpet, covering his face in kisses.

“Merlin, I love you, Moony. Have I told you that?” Sirius’ lips covered Remus’, and Remus slipped his hand around Sirius’ neck, his tongue into Sirius’ mouth.

“You like to say so. Often,” Remus laughed softly, his breath falling against Sirius’ lips, and Sirius devoured it, as if to try to keep the taste of Remus somewhere deep in his gut, somewhere he’d never lose it, somewhere he could always find it. “But, goddammit, I love to hear you say it.”

“Can I keep you?” Sirius kissed him gently, nestling in between Remus’ legs. Remus smiled, settling his forehead against Sirius’ and threading his fingers through Sirius’ long, dark hair.

“I’m already yours, Padfoot.” Sirius didn’t know what would happen after Hogwarts – he didn’t even care what would happen a month from then. There was only, ever, Remus Lupin. “And you’re mine.”

“I guess we should start looking for that cottage in Wales,” Sirius beamed for a moment before his lips found Remus’, warm like summer, soft like winter, and the color of autumn.

“God, I love you,” he mumbled into Sirius’ mouth. Sirius grinned. Remus kissed his teeth.

“Get a room,” James pretended to groan, secretly chuffed that his two best friends had finally found one another. Sirius rose an eyebrow at Remus, who was returning his expression in full.

“Gladly,” Remus growled as he sat up, wrapped Sirius’ legs around his hips and stood with a very surprised Sirius in his arms, carrying him right off toward the stairs.

“I didn’t mean **_mine_**!” James shouted, and Remus laughed, as loudly and as genuinely as Sirius had ever heard him. Sirius covered Remus’ mouth with his own, swallowing that laugh, to keep it forever.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All poetry quoted in this chapter was written by A.E. Housman.


End file.
